Season 4 Episode 4 - Tipping Point
by fanningon
Summary: This is the fourth episode of an 8 episode MMFD fanfic. This is a continuation of my season 4 fanfic - please read episode 3 first (Deuce)! If you can, read it with the suggested music cheers m'dears xo


_'I've Been Loving You Too Long' by Tina Turner_

Gary heard a key enter the lock of the door and didn't look up; he suspected it was Finn back from his run, to pick something up before lunch at the pub with the gang. He was far too interested in this article about what Janice was up to at the arts centre to look up; the theatre was getting shows for the first time in years. That woman was a marvel. The key unlocked the door but then relocked it and was withdrawn. He looked up from the newspaper wondering why Finn would unlock and then relock the door and now be standing like a goose on the front doorstep…

_Could be Janice. _

_Finn said she had a duplicate key, and you only got one key back…_

_Give you a chance to un-fuck everything. _

Gary stood up, folding the newspaper and straightened his shirt. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves and went to the door. He took a moment to gather his thoughts and to figure out what he'd say when he saw her.

_She's probably gone already you been messing about for so long._

He opened the door and she was there, looking at an old battered key, her brows furrowed with grief and knowledge that in all this time he'd never changed the locks.

Gary's mouth opened in shock, he took a sharp breath in, unable to take his eyes off her. She raised her large blue eyes to him, her light brown hair rippling in the wind.

He watched, unable to move as a tear snailed down her cheek.

Every other thought disappeared in the instant he saw her.

_Oh my lord… she hasn't aged a day since I last saw her… and I've gone bald. _

He couldn't even manage to croak her name out of his constricted throat.

_Kenzie._

He repeated her name to himself as she stepped forward and put a hand to his face, obviously unable to say a word, clearly as afflicted with choking emotion as he was.

A small smile turned up the ends of her mouth as her other hand rose and gently caressed his cheek and the smile increased as her hand rose to his head and gently stroked his shaved head. He chuckled slightly and wrapped his arms slowly around her waist. She let out a relieved sound and pulled him into her arms.

Gary ached inside. Eight years. Eight years she had been gone. His hands stroked her sides; the feel of her, his wife, after all these years, in his arms. And the smell of her. He felt her hands travelling up his back and her face was suddenly turned up to him, her mouth seeking his. Her kiss was sweet and tentative and he gently kissed her, trying to remember what it was to kiss the woman you loved. But as soon as her tongue gently brushed against his, Gary was overcome with a deep desire and his kiss became more insistent, deeper, passionate. Kenzie responded, moaning deeply and kissing him with all the pent up loneliness and yearning she'd buried in her heart for these years. To his surprise Gary felt Kenzie's hands unbuckling his belt and the urge to have her swept up through him from his groin.

He'd imagined when they finally saw each other it would be emotional. They'd both cry. They'd talk. And slowly over days, weeks, months, they'd build their intimacy back up, until finally they could make love again. Maybe in a few years they'd even try for another child.

She pulled his belt out with a sexual ferocity that he'd never before seen in her. But he himself was pulling at her belt furiously, violently; something he'd never done before. He hadn't even closed the front door and he was already taking her clothes off, having not spoken one word to her. She started trying to get the buttons of his shirt undone, but fumbling with nerves and eagerness she ended up popping them instead, buttons flying everywhere before she finally got the shirt off him her mouth going to his chest. He slammed the door shut and she was on him, her kisses so intense he could focus on nothing but her mouth as they slid slowly to the ground, Kenzie pulling Gary on top of her while he simultaneously pulled at her jeans.

He felt like a 15 year old virgin again, his hands finding every curve of her body and lingering with delight. He had to keep reminding himself to slow down, but the way she was holding him to her, her nails digging into his back made it clear she wanted him as much as he wanted her. The salt of her skin as he kissed down her neck was at once so familiar and so new to him. He fumbled to get his jeans off, realising that he still had shoes on, and they laughed together as they got him out of his clothes finally. But still they had not said so much as a word to each other, they were both too intent on each other's bodies, caressing, kissing, licking sucking with an intensity, a frenzied passion that was new to both of them.

The way she gasped when he finally slid inside of her after eight years of waiting for her nearly tipped him over the edge; that gasp told him she'd been waiting eight years too and had nearly forgotten what it felt like. He had to pause and close his eyes as she enveloped his cock. He pushed in as deep as he could, his eyes closed, feeling the warmth of her, the intimacy of being here with her, on the floor to the home they had bought together 16 years ago. She groaned contently and wrapped her legs around him, her eyes rolling back just the way he remembered. He held her in his arms wanting to gently make love to her, but also wanting to fuck her like a randy teenager again. But more than anything he wanted to never stop kissing her. He'd forgotten how sweet she tasted.

_'No Remorse (I Wanna Die)' by Atari Teenage Riot vs Slayer_

Finn very suddenly realised that there was no way out of this.

He subtly bent his knees, sinking into a fighting stance, rooting his feet for balance. He didn't raise his fists yet; hoping that somehow this wouldn't end up in a fight. He weighed his odds carefully, appraising the three lads in front of him, and carefully listening for movement behind him. He wasn't sure that he could win this fight. Rhys had been training him hard, and Gus and Petra had taught him a lot over this past week, but he still knew as he took in the strengths and weaknesses of the lads in front of him that he was in trouble.

"Did you fuck up me mate's car?" The guy from the boxing joint said slowly. Finn remembering that his name was Alex.

"Haven't I seen you at the boxing joint?" Finn asked, hoping that he'd maybe seen Finn boxing or fighting with Rhys and it gave him pause. He saw recognition in the guy's eyes.

"Eh… eh Finn?" He asked, his hostility not ebbing one bit, "You box with Rhys?" And there it was, the moment of hesitation. He backed up slightly the other two guys looking at him confused. "You've actually downed that huge motherfucker." Alex said slowly and Finn nodded slowly, a dangerous grin coming to his face.

"Yeah I have. I've put him down a couple o' times." Finn answered honestly; he was proud that he'd been able to bring Rhys down. Alex took another step back but stopped just outside of hitting range. Finn noted that he had bent his knees. Dean was Alex's trainer, and Dean might be a misogynist, but he could box pretty well.

"No mean feat." Alex said impressed, his eyes filling with a desire to take on Finn.

"I can see you wanna take me on." Finn noted with a cocky grin. "Tell your fucking mates to back up, and raise your fists cunt." Finn found his way out; if he could beat the hell out of this guy without taking too much damage the others might back off. And if they didn't, three against one was far better odds than four against one.

"Alright." Alex nodded at his mates and they stepped back slightly. Finn heard the guy behind him backing up.

"I wanna know why that fucker fucked up me car!" One of the guys said and Finn grinned at him as he raised his fists, his eyes on Alex. He knew the others might get involved, but he had to take the risk.

"Why d'you fuck up his car?" Alex asked as he eyed Finn cautiously. Finn didn't bother replying, there was no point.

"We gonna fight or d'you wanna have a brew and a chat?" Finn heard the guy behind him moving closer again, slowly, as if he thought he was being quiet. Finn saw his shadow from the corner of his eye and whipped around in a spinning back kick, connecting firmly with the guy's cheek and knocking him back. He was so thankful for his kick boxing lessons now. And for Petra; she'd been quite strict on his kicking techniques. The three lads looked at him with wide eyes as he squared up again.

"I can take you guys." Finn grinned, suddenly remembering how good he actually was at this stuff. Alex struck out at him, landing a hard punch on the side of Finn's face. But Finn had been expecting this and executed a brutally hard side kick to Alex's now exposed midriff. As Finn's foot hit the ground he elbowed Alex in the face and with his other fist punched one of the other guys in the jaw turning and letting loose with an uppercut to the last guy's chin. He knew he had to get a move on and turn back to the solo guy before he got his bearings back, but Alex was used to getting hit; he was a boxer, and he didn't stumble back as much as the other three. He tackled Finn roughly to the ground, slamming a fist into his jaw as soon as they hit dirt. Finn put a hand to his throat to choke him, but Alex was muscular and he didn't panic like Simmy had. He put his hand on Finn's to pull it away. Finn punched him in the temple hard, and when Alex didn't stop trying to get out of the choke, Finn punched him in the side of the head several times until he fell sideways stunned. Unfortunately, the three other guys were now more or less ready to fight again; Alex had used up the advantage he'd gained from the surprise attack. Finn jumped up, Alex lying at his feet dazed, and looked at the three guys surrounding him.

Rae opened the backstage door slowly laughing happily with Phillip. Janice and Sue had stayed in the office, both reluctantly, but both having far too much work to do. Janice was happy with Sue as her second in command, but there were multiple stakeholders in the community arts centre and the only weakness Sue had was not being able to handle their competing and often contradictory demands. That's how the centre had gotten back into trouble; Sue liked to please everyone and there simply wasn't the money for that. Elsa had wanted to get some better spotlights, but there was no money. Janice and Sue had to put together the paperwork to make a request as well as organise a safety inspection. Phillip had decided to come to lunch at the pub and see how the Chloe and Rhys situation was going. Plus it gave him more chance to spend time with Rae. Rae was looking back at Phillip, holding the door open for him and he was laughing when he looked up across the road, his face instantly falling.

Finn elbowed the guy who was trying to hold his arms to his side in the face, but elbowing someone who's behind you is not an easy thing to do and he didn't hit with enough force to do any real damage. Another guy came to help the first guy to pin Finn against the car. The guy who owned the car tried to approach to punch Finn, but he forward kicked the guy in the gut, sending him reeling back. Even pinned like this he was still dangerous. Finn fought against the two guys holding his arms as Alex was slowly getting to his feet, his hand on the side of his head.

Rae turned to see what Phil had seen.

"No." She whispered.

"Oh fuck." Phil barely breathed. He watched as Alex deftly blocked Finn's kick and planted a hard fist in his stomach. Finn made a loud grunt of pain, but the lads holding him arms stopped him from doubling over. Phil's mind went over the possibilities, options, scenarios at lightning speed as Finn pulled violently to get himself free, the lads laughing, really starting to enjoy themselves now. Rae's mind went into overdrive for a moment before going utterly blank; how could she help him?

She started to run towards the scene. Phillip quickly followed her, adrenalin pumping through his veins. Alex hit Finn in the gut again, harder than the first time, Finn coughing in pain after.

"You can do better than that." He spat out blood at Alex and Alex gave him a sadistic grin.

"You're right, I can." He hit Finn in the face. But again Finn had been expecting Alex's predictable move and rolled his head back with the punch, raising his knee into Alex's groin while his guard was down. Alex dropped to his knees.

And perfect clarity finally came to Rae's mind, she turned to look at Phillip, running beside her.

"Go to the boxing joint," It was only a block away, "See if Tom or Rhys is working. Tell them Finn's in trouble." Phillip nodded and sprinted off towards the boxing joint at his full speed.

Finn started to reef his arms around, trying to free himself from the guys holding him.

"HEY!" Rae screamed as she finally got close to them. Her heart hammering in her chest from fear and adrenaline. "What are you doing?" She asked softer.

"Fuck off you fat cunt." The guy who owned the car had staggered to his feet and looked over at her before turning his eyes back to Finn.

"Why are you doing that?" She asked, trying to steady her voice.

"Rae don't!" Finn struggled more.

"You know that bitch?" The car owner asked. "Is that why you fucked up me car?" He asked shaking his head, "All for a minging lard-arse heifer?"

"I did it!" Rae yelled over the top of Finn's comeback. She watched them all turn to look at her.

"No." Finn groaned, "No Rae."

"What are you gonna do to me?" She asked them aggressively, hoping beyond hope that they wouldn't hit a girl, and trying to stall long enough for Phil to get back with someone. Alex slowly got to his feet.

"Fat cunt's lying." He said slowly, obviously still in pain. "There should be fucking laws against fat people." He spat at her, "No one wants to see a thing like you." The sneer of disgust on his face stung Rae. But she jutted her chin, like she'd seen Chloe do so many times and shrugged at him.

"There should be laws against you, you look like a flea-infested shit-stain on syphilitic politician's undies." Rae shot back, the surprise of her comeback taking everyone's attention long enough for Finn to break free and knock his fist into some heads. As soon as the attackers all turned their eyes back to Finn Rae approached closer, until she was close enough to tap the car owner's shoulder he turned to her, and taking a leaf from Petra's book she hit his face hard as he turned. Instantly she shook her fist, not expecting how bony a face felt and also how sickening the crunch of a breaking nose could feel under her knuckles. He backed up, his hands going to his face, blood dripping through them and she bit her bottom lip, wide-eyed.

"Shit shit shit." She started to mutter in a high voice as he closed on her. She started to back up as he got closer.

"You fucking slag!" He roared, "You broke me fucking nose!"

Finn pushed one of his attackers into the other one and grabbed Alex by the hair, pulling his face into his knee and pushing him onto the ground before turning to the other two guys. One tried to punch him but Finn caught his hand and pulled him closer diagonally, round kicking him in the gut several times, Finn's firm grip on his fist stopping him from escaping. Finn elbowed him in the face before turning to the other guy who was staring at him wide-eyed in fear. Finn was in no mood to play nice, so he punched him hard in the face.

"Shit!" Rae scrambled away, around the car, the owner following her, clearly intending to beat the hell out of her. Neither of them saw Tom sprint up behind them; Rae just saw a foot connect with the back of the car owner's head and watched him fall down to the ground at her feet.

"Excellent timing!" She told Tom and Phil as Tom went to help Finn; Alex and one of the other guys were back on their feet. Phil took a deep breath and followed Tom, trying to look like he had any idea how to fight. As Rae had suspected, as soon as the odds were more even, or in reality stacked heavily against them, the 4 lads backed up and tried to talk their way out of a continued fight.

"Hey fuck you!" Finn yelled at them when they tried to wave the metaphorical white flag; he particularly wanted a piece of the car owner for the way he'd talked about Rae, and the way he'd gone after her like he was gonna hit her. But Rae put a calming hand on his arm. Tom was laughing, ready to scrap and that was scary in and of itself. But it was Alex backing up that really killed the fight in them.

"I'm not fighting him!" He said looking at Tom. "He's a fucking instructor."

"Oh come on boy!" Tom laughed, "I love a good fight!"

"Tom!" Rae said, "I just wanna get Finn home." She was close to tears and Tom heard the tone in her voice. He turned to look at her.

"Take him home, I can take on these four fuckers." He grinned, "Easy."

"No fucking way." Finn told her, "He gets to stay, I stay!"

"This is fucking insanity!" Phillip said loudly. "We end this here!"

"Fuck off!" Finn told him, "You didn't get your arse kicked by these cunts!" Finn wiped blood from his mouth and glared at them.

"I don't give a fuck Finn!" Phillip told him, "Take Rae home for fuck's sake!"

"It's only a matter o' time till the cops show." Rae added, gently pulling at his arm.

"Her hand needs ice." Phil said meaningfully, "look after her properly." Finn blinked, slowly taking in Phil's words and nodded.

"You're right." He said to Phil and put a protective arm around Rae, "You alright?" He asked her.

"Scatter, fuckers." Tom told the four lads and they took his advice, taking off in four different directions. Tom took Rae's hand into his and looked at the knuckles.

"Didn't square your fist properly." His fingers went over her wrist, starting to swell. "Take her home, ice her." He looked Finn over, "You'll be right." He grinned at Finn and Finn nodded sharing the grin; the love of a good fight.

"Thanks Phil." Rae gave him a quick hug before turning to Tom, "Thank you Tom." She hugged him tightly before taking Finn's hand, Finn giving Phil and Tom a quick thank you before he let himself be led away by Rae, towards the car, parked in front of the pub a few blocks away. Tom turned to Phillip.

"That was pretty decent of you." He said with mild surprise, "I know I wouldn't be rushing to the aid of my rival."

"I didn't do it for him." Phil answered with a shrug.

"Oh I know…" Tom answered, "Even so, you could have dawdled a bit, she wouldn't o' known and he would have gotten more hurt. Which I assume you'd like?"

"She hurts when he hurts." Phil answered with downcast eyes, "Plus any longer and that wanker would o' gotten to her and hit her." Tom nodded thoughtfully and looked back towards the boxing joint.

"The three of you should just fuck, that'd solve everything." He shrugged, "But then most people aren't like me, so maybe that's bad advice." Phil looked at him with bemusement and slowly nodded his head.

"Bad advice." He told Tom. "Could you imagine Finn?" He started to chuckle, "He'd try to beat the fuck outta me!"

"You do realise that's a double entendre right?" Tom asked drolly and Phillip chuckled as he realised what he'd said. "Or it'd be a real good night for Rae when you both tried to fuck her better and harder and faster in a wonderful display of masculinity and one-upmanship." Tom shrugged, "Good advice for Rae." He started to walk back to the boxing joint, "Hell I should get you guys to fuck me!" He laughed and kept walking without looking back at Phil who watched him walk away, an incredulous look on his face, slowly shaking his head.

_'Linger' by The Cranberries_

Gary looked down at his fingers as they slowly did the buttons of his shirt up. The shirt Kenzie had popped all the buttons on was in the bin and she was in the shower, gently humming to herself. The sound of her voice humming brought a stillness to him and he closed his eyes to listen for a spell. He slowly opened his eyes to see the broken skin on the knuckles of his right hand. The feel of Janice's lips on his cheek, the corner of their mouths touching, rushed at him. All the emotion he had felt in that moment, everything he felt for her settled back into his chest painfully; right where it had been for the past few months. He put his face in his hands and thought back to the pain in her eyes before she had turned and left.

"How can you be thinking about Janice when your wife is in the ensuite?" He berated himself quietly. He sighed slowly, the sound coming from deep within as he tried to tell himself to stop thinking about Janice. Even if just for a night. He pulled his pants up as she emerged from the shower, gently drying her long hair. It was much longer than it had been when she'd left. They'd made love twice, barely saying a word to each other. They stood on either side of the bed, looking at each other, both clearly wanting to speak, but not knowing what to say. There was a loud bang downstairs; the front door had been slammed.

"Sounds like Finn's in a mood." Gary pulled a face and then saw the panic on Kenzie's face.

"Oh god." She moaned softly. "Oh god, Finn." She sat on the bed, a towel wrapped around her and put her face in her hands momentarily.

"It's alright Kenzie." Gary sat beside her.

"No it's… it's really not." She said miserably. "Oh god." Gary could see that she was struggling with panic and wished he knew what to do.

"He's real keen to meet you." Gary soothed.

"Meet me?" She said sadly. "He shouldn't be meeting me." She stood up and paced the room, "He should know me." She stopped, her face an agony of pain and grief, "Oh god." She shook her head, "I've made so many mistakes Gary." She whispered. There was a loud banging from the kitchen and they both turned their eyes towards the slightly ajar door.

"Everyone makes mistakes Kenz." He stroked her hair lovingly and she closed her eyes, taking in his touch gladly. "We'll work through ours yeah?" She nodded slowly.

"You better go see what's wrong." She said softly.

"You better get your clothes on." He grinned lopsidedly and she laughed gently.

"It's not how I imagined this going."

"Me either." He agreed and gently kissed her lips, her hands instantly went to his face.

"I've missed you Gary." She whispered, "I'm so sorry."

"Oh Kenzie." He said sadly, "I'm sorry too." He stroked her hair gently.

"We'll have to talk later." She said as they heard the kitchen tap turn on.

"Right." Gary got up with a grim smile, "I'll go check on Finn." He gave her a lingering look before heading down the stairs.

"I wish I'd stayed there and belted the shit outta those fucking cunts." Finn said through gritted teeth before spitting blood into the sink. He held the icepack to Rae's knuckles.

"Finn you gotta let me put this on your face." She said as calmly as she could.

"What happened?" Gary asked taking in the scene; a blood-stained t-shirt on the floor, Rae with ice on her hand, bruises on his son's ribs, and he was spitting blood.

"Nothing da, don't worry." Finn answered crankily and Rae shot Gary an apologetic look before turning her eyes back to Finn.

"Finn me wrist and knuckles don't need this as much as your face does!" She was exasperated and it showed in the way she pushed his hands off her swollen wrist.

"Stop being daft!" He ordered angrily and put the icepack back on her hand.

"Finn!" She said firmly. "You already had the bruising from Simmy, and now you got this…"

"I could'a fucking taken 'em Rae." He said vehemently.

"I know Finn." She answered trying to get her calmness back. "But I'm glad the fight stopped when it did."

"What. Happened?" Gary asked loudly, with an authoritarian tone.

"Just a fight." Finn answered testily, "Some fucking cunts hurt me girl." He looked back at Rae, "So I belted 'em." Gary's eyes turned to Rae.

"Are you alright Rae?"

"I'm fine!" She snapped, "He's not fine but." Kenzie entered the kitchen silently, staying near the door to the stairs and watching the scene in front of her.

"It's nothing." He answered and spat blood into the sink again.

"It doesn't look like nothing." Gary said firmly. "You need-"

"Da, not now!" Finn's voice was impatient and angry.

"Don't use that tone son." Gary said gently, not really admonishing Finn.

"I'm sorry da." Finn said in an angry tone, "I'm just fucking right pissed off." Rae decided to give up on getting the ice pack from Finn and instead decided to go to the freezer and get the packet of frozen vegetables for his face. "Rae what are you fucking doing?" He snapped as she pulled her hand away so she could reach the freezer.

"I'm getting something for your face Finn!" She raised her voice slightly. She understood that his tone was not aimed at her and that he was just pissed off at those guys, but it was still grating on her nerves. She turned towards the freezer and froze. There was a woman standing at the door to the stairs. Finn was still muttering and grumbling, swearing like a sailor. She was beautiful and Rae was left in no doubt that this was Finn's mother; it was obvious where he'd gotten his looks.

"Finn." Rae said softly, but Finn was still muttering and he spat blood out again. Gary looked back and saw Kenzie, wide eyed, watching the scene before her, clearly anxious.

"Let me have a look." Kenzie said softly and Finn stopped, turning to see who had spoken. The moment he saw her, he froze too, his eyes taking her in and instantly knowing who she was even though he'd been just ten years old the last time he saw her. "Come on." She urged softly and motioned for him to sit down.

"Mum?" Rae felt her breath catch when she heard the vulnerability in his voice. She turned back to Finn to see his eyes glued to his mother.

"Sit down so I can take a look." She repeated but Finn was rooted to the spot. She came over to him, her arms held open and he hugged her fiercely. Leaving the icepack in Rae's hand. Rae put a hand up to her mouth and looked over at Gary tearing up. But Kenzie didn't stay in the hug long; she took Finn's hand and sat him down.

"Can someone get me a flannel?" She asked softly and Rae went to the cupboard to get one, while Gary did a bowl of hot water. "What did they do to you my boy?" She asked soothingly and looked at his face closely. Once Kenzie had the flannel she gently started to clean the blood off Finn's face. "Bandaids?" She asked and Gary went to the medicine box in the downstairs bathroom and brought it out. She used some disinfectant on his split eyebrow and then cut some strips off the bandaid, using them to hold the cut together. Without a word she took the icepack from Rae and held it to the bruising around his mouth, while Gary got Finn a glass of water. Rae watched as they moved around looking after an oddly silent Finn; his eyes still on his mother.

"Right I think you get to spend the rest of the day in bed." Kenzie said gently, "And I'll make you some cranachan."

"I haven't had that in years." Finn said with an ache in his voice that brought tears to Rae's eyes. Kenzie turned her eyes to Gary.

"Might have known you'd let him forget his Scottish heritage." She teased, "So there's no soaked oats in the house?" She added with a wry grin and Gary shook his head in reply, "I'll improvise." She turned back to Finn, "up to bed you." She ordered gently and Finn slowly got up and took Rae's hand before heading towards the stairs.

"What-" Kenzie stopped herself from finishing the question and took a moment to gather her thoughts as Finn turned back to her. Rae kept her eyes on Finn, ready to do whatever he needed.

"What is it?" Finn asked but Kenzie turned her eyes to Gary. Gary smiled grimly and lowered his eyes. "What?" Finn asked confused and Kenzie turned her eyes back to him.

"Well you can't take a girl up to your bed…? Can you?" She asked hesitantly and turned her eyes back to Gary. Gary took a deep breath and Kenzie felt acutely out of her depth, "Didn't we agree…?" She asked haltingly. Finn turned his eyes to his father.

"What's this?" He asked in a small voice.

"When you were little…" Kenzie thought back to being a mother at 16, how hard it had been, all the things she'd missed out on, but how much she'd loved her baby boy. "We just agreed on some rules and… the way we'd raise you." She finished and lowered her eyes.

"We were going to be much stricter on you, than our parents were on us." Gary explained, "You were never getting a girl in your bed under our roof unless she was your wife." Finn turned his eyes to Rae and then back to his parents.

"Well-" Finn started to reply but Rae spoke over the top of him, wanting to stop the possible angry retort before it happened. This was all new, it was bound to have some teething problems.

"I'll just go Finn." She said with a smile, "It's fine." She stroked his face, "You've got some catching up to do. Family time you know?" She tried to disentangle her fingers from his but he held them tightly and shook his head.

"No Rae."

"Rae as in Raymond?" Kenzie asked with a furrowed brow as she took in Rae properly for the first time. Rae acutely felt Kenzie's eyes on her. The pressure to impress Finn's mother was intense and she felt every inch of her fat body as if it were throbbing painfully, drawing attention to itself as if to signpost how fat she was. She had to physically work at not putting an arm across her stomach to cover herself and she felt so foolish for wearing a slightly tighter shirt and a skirt with no tights. She lowered her eyes and Finn noticed the movement and turned to her, letting go of her hand and wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

"Rae as in Rachel mum." Finn said softly. Kenzie's eyes finished their appraisal of Rae by lingering on the necklace around her neck.

"Why is she wearing Gracie's necklace?" Her voice was filled with a numb pain that brought tears to Rae's eyes and she looked away, not able to look at Kenzie for a moment longer. She was aware that the necklace was originally intended to go to the first female grandchild, which would have been Grace. The pain that seeing this necklace must have caused Kenzie stabbed in Rae's stomach painfully.

"Mum died." Gary told Kenzie about his mother's death in a low voice, knowing that there was so much to catch up on.

"Oh god Gary… I'm so sorry…" She shook her head, "I didn't know…"

"And she gave it to Finn to… give to…" He turned back to Rae. "His wife." He said with an accepting shrug and Rae turned her eyes to Gary in shock. She hadn't known that Gary knew the significance of the necklace. She had supposed he probably did, but hearing him say it made her feel panicked. Not because of Gary, he was a sweetheart, but because of Kenzie, and how she might take it.

"His wife…?" She took Rae in again, her face in shock. "You're-"

"No mum, she's me girlfriend." Kenzie shook her head and looked away.

"I'm sorry, I think I just need a minute to get my head together." She said softly, sitting down at the table, her eyes not focussing on anything.

"You two go upstairs." Gary told them in a soft, firm voice. Finn's eyes lingered on his mother for a moment before he pulled Rae's hand gently and led her from the room. But he stopped on the stairs, listening intently to his parents speaking. Rae felt her face burning and just wanted to get into his room and close the door behind them.

"That probably didn't go the way you wanted either." They heard Gary's voice; tentative, worrying.

"How often does he get into fights?" Rae saw Finn lower his head with shame and gently put a hand on his shoulder, he turned to look at her silently as they listened to his father.

"Not that often." Gary said slowly, "He's been in a few more lately than I'd like. But-"

"It's my fault." Kenzie's voice sounded broken, "he didn't have a mother to teach him patience." They could hear her pacing the floor, "and that girl?" Rae felt her face burning.

"Rachel is very important to him." Gary explained.

"He's 17 years old Gary!"

"18."

"Oh god." There was a long silence. "He's too young for that kind of commitment."

"Before I met Rae I would have agreed with you. You know that." His words were carefully measured and Finn knew his father was trying to walk a tightrope between his son's needs and his wife's needs.

"So what's so impressive about her?" Kenzie sounded so confused, "You were always adamant that you'd stop him making the same mistakes we did."

"He won't make those mistakes." Gary assured her, "I have complete faith in him Kenzie."

"But the necklace Gary."

"Yeah that was a bit of a surprise." They heard a chair scrape along the kitchen floor and knew Gary was sitting down, "It's taken me some time to come to terms with him being so committed so young. But I know, beyond a doubt that she is the one for him."

"I don't understand." Rae felt a lump in her throat. Hearing this conversation was one of the most difficult things she'd done recently and she was not enjoying it. "He needs to slow down, why aren't you cautioning him?"

"I have. Numerous times. And Rae's mother has also tried to slow them down." Finn slid his thumb over her hand slowly, in an attempt to comfort her, "there's no stopping them Kenzie."

"I'm not talking about stopping them. Just…"

"Look…" His deep breath was audible, "They bring out the best in each other. Finn's getting the best marks he's ever gotten at school, Rae's self-esteem is very obviously improving. I've watched him grow into a young man this past year. I trust his decisions. You should too." Finn turned to Rae and stroked her hair gently.

"I understand." Kenzie sounded deeply troubled and saddened, "I can't expect to be gone for eight years and not get some surprises when I get back. I just didn't expect this, I suppose. And I know I can't expect to start being his mother again. To have my opinion matter and be heard."

"Of course your opinion matters." Gary's voice dropped slightly and Finn leaned forward to hear, "Just go gently, go slowly. And get to know Rae before you decide Finn's going too fast."

"She could be the most lovely girl on the planet Gary, and I'd still know he's going too fast."

"Kenz-"

"Have you forgotten what it was like for us at that age?"

"No." He answered with a firm voice. Finn wasn't used to how firm Gary was sounding lately, "How could I? But it's not the same for them."

"I'm just scared for him." Rae noticed that Finn was holding his breath, "guess I'm trying to make up for eight years of not being here for him." They heard her sniff and Rae watched Finn lean into the wall to hear better, "How will he ever forgive me?" She sobbed softly. Gary's response was so soft that they couldn't hear him and Rae gently tugged on Finn's hand and he nodded, carefully, silently following her up the stairs.

_'Kathy's Song' by Simon & Garfunkel_

She sat down on the bed and watched him pace the room.

"She seemed really nice." Rae said gently and Finn furrowed his brows.

"Aye." He answered feeling deflated.

"Can't be easy coming back into this house…"

"I'm sorry for the way she spoke to you." Finn turned to her and she motioned for him to sit on the bed.

"She didn't say anything bad Finn." Rae told him, "I think everything's just a bit of a shock, that's all."

"Yeah I s'pose." He lowered his eyes in thought. "I wouldn't wanna be in her position." Finn conceded.

"So o' course at first it's gonna be tense or awkward." She built upon his concession and he nodded slowly.

"Yeah." He mused. "I already told da that I didn't really expect us to go back like we was when I was ten." He told her. "But I still… somehow expected… no I wished that it would." He nodded his head slowly. "I wished we'd all just be happy straight away."

"It'll take some work."

"Oh aye." Finn agreed his mind wandering over the thought of Janice slowly. "Da's got a lot of work to do." He sucked his bottom lip and Rae furrowed her brow.

"So does your mum." Finn shrugged slightly. "She'll always be me mum." He said enigmatically and Rae gave him a confused look. He shook his head, not wanting to go into detail about Janice right now. There was a knock on the door and Kenzie came in without waiting for a reply. She was holding two bowls of ice cream; one on the crook of her arm, her free hand lingering on the door knob.

"Ice cream will have to do tonight." She said softly. Finn smiled encouragingly and took the bowls from her, handing one to Rae. Kenzie watched him silently, lingering at the door.

"That's not how I wanted this meeting to go." She shifted her weight and stood on one foot awkwardly. Finn put the bowl up to his jaw, soothing the bruising there and nodded.

"Me either." Finn looked as if he wanted to say more. They stared at each other for a moment and Kenzie sighed.

"Oh Dia, de faod mi abair?" She looked at him with desperate sorrow as she mumbled to herself.

"Was that…?" Finn asked intrigued.

"Our language." She smiled hopefully. "I was asking myself what I could say to you…"

"I recognise it." He marvelled.

"D'you remember any of the words or any phrases?" He slowly shook his head in response to her question. "I can teach you if you want?" She looked at his face and smiled grimly, "Later though. You need to rest." Her eyes fell to Rae. Rae smiled reassuringly. She looked around Finn's room, her brows furrowing when she saw a hook screwed into the wall near the side of his bed. Rae saw her eyes lingering on the hook and tried to think of something to make Kenzie look away from the hook before she figured out what it was for. And then Rae's stomach dropped as her eyes darted to the far wall where the three drawings of her were. Finn saw her looking there and hurriedly stood in between the wall and his mother.

"Aye, you're right, I should rest now." He said loudly, her eyes went back to Finn, "Rae can take care o' me."

"That's probably a good idea." Her eyes flitted back up to the far wall momentarily and then down to the floor, "I have to go and check in to me hotel room anyway."

"Why are you not staying here?" Finn asked as if it was a ridiculous notion for her to stay in a hotel.

"Cos ye dad and I aren't ready for that Finlay McCay." She put a hand on his face. "Don'na ask questions about things that aren't ye business." She stroked his face, "Gary and I are between the two of us and not you, alright?" Finn nodded slowly, "And that's separate to what's between you and me alright?" Rae noticed that her gentle Scottish accent was getting stronger; it was like having Finn nearby made her more determined to embrace her Scottish heritage in order to teach him. "I love you son." They hugged again, "I'm sorry." She whispered to him and he felt tears sting his eyes as he clung to her. Eventually he let go of her and she kissed his forehead gently before leaving the room. She didn't close the door and Finn had to go after her to do so. He leaned back against the door and put his hands over his face for a moment before sitting down next to Rae.

"Are you alright?" Rae asked and Finn shook his head, then nodded. He looked at Rae and shrugged, unable to ascertain if he was in fact alright. She wrapped his arms around him and he pointed at her ice cream. She shrugged and he started to eat his while she hugged him. "How's your bruises?"

"Ah not too bad." He lied. He always lied about how bad things hurt but she fixed him with a stern gaze and he capitulated, "alright they're a little tender." She reached over to the bedside table and grabbed the bowl of ice cream and put it to his face. "No! Eat it!" He laughed and then winced as his lip re-split slightly. She gently kissed his lips, tasting his blood but not caring; she dearly wished her kisses could take his pain away. He nodded to her bowl and she dutifully started to eat the semi-melted ice cream.

"S'pose I better ring someone and tell them why we didn't show at the pub." Rae said with a deep breath and Finn shook his head.

"Chloe and Rhys cancelled so we all did." Rae looked at him with concern. "Ian came for Chloe." He explained, "I don't know what happened, but she's with Rhys and we're all meeting for lunch tomorrow."

"I should call her." Rae fretted.

"Rhys kinda made it clear that she weren't in any state to talk to anyone." Finn said apologetically and Rae nodded her head.

"I can understand why." She agreed, "Well if she's got Rhys there, he'll know what to do. He'll look after her."

"It's nice having him around." Finn agreed. "But I'll feel better when we get to see her and you can know she's ok." Rae took a deep breath and let it out loudly.

"What a fucking day, hey?" She asked him shaking her head slowly, "First weekend after school starts and it's fair to say it's been… quite something." She said after a long pause.

"How are you going with all of this?" He looked at her face astutely. "You know, with me mum?"

"Oh…" She lowered her eyes, shaking her head. She didn't want to make a fuss. "Fine."

"Please don't lie to me Rae." He said and gently stroked her hair off her face. "This whole thing is gonna be hard enough without our communication breaking down." She looked up at him.

"I'm so grateful for you Finn." She whispered, "I'm so… lucky doesn't even come close to it." He grinned and she kissed his lips very carefully, aware of how painful his bruises must be.

"Don't change the topic Rae." His voice was firmer than he intended and he watched her lower her eyes with dismay. "I'm sorry."

"No it's…" She got up and went over to his bookshelf. The glass with the ash of his mother's letter had been up on this side. "I just felt real self-conscious when I met your mum. That's all." She reassured him.

"Self-conscious how?" He watched her go over to look at the drawings of herself on his wall.

"I wondered what she must see looking at me." Rae looked at the way he had drawn the soft lines of her full figure. She was horrified that Kenzie had seen these. How could they ever look at each other again?

"I'm guessing she sees you Rae." Finn answered and she turned to him with a sarcastic expression.

"Well obviously."

"But?" Finn prodded, knowing there was more; there was always more.

"I felt… so ugly when she were looking at me." She shrugged, "it's stupid. I know." She looked back at the pictures he had drawn of her.

"Well you're not ugly." He told her firmly, his mind trying to grasp the thoughts he was having. "You can't let what someone else might think about you stop you from feeling beautiful Rae." He told her slowly, "and even if you know they think something bad about you, you always have to remember that there's more to you than one thing, and that their opinion don't matter more than your own opinion of yourself."

"Yeah but me opinion of myself isn't that good Finn." She answered sadly.

"I know." He answered with the same tone, "But we're working on that, right?"

"Aye." She turned back to him and he went to her, taking her into his arms.

"What me mum might or might not think about you doesn't matter to me. And it shouldn't matter to you."

"Oh Finn." Rae mumbled.

"What?"

"It feels weird you saying that what your mum thinks doesn't matter." She answered his incredulous face.

"Why?"

"Cos she your family Finn!" Rae answered surprised, "You've wanted her back since the day she left." Rae reminded him, "Family matters." She finished, lowering her face.

"Aye, they do." Finn agreed, "But I'm more than willing to do a Tom if the shit hit the fan here Rae."

"Do a Tom?" She asked disbelievingly.

"Aye." Finn answered, "I'd cut both o' me parents outta me life if it came to it."

"You don't meant that. They're your parents… your family."

"Rae, there's nothing without you. The only family I truly have is you. The only time I don't feel like I'm standing alone in this world is when you're beside me." He stroked her face, marvelling at the softness of her skin as if it were the first time he'd ever touched her, "I'd choose you Rae. I'd always choose you."

_'Not a Pretty Girl' by Ani DiFranco_

She had spent the whole of Saturday night not able to get out of Rhys's arms, terrified that to do so would mean that Ian would be there. As if he were lurking in the house somewhere, as if the shadows were not shadows, but was Ian in hiding, waiting for her to not be in Rhys's protective arms.

She woke up on Sunday morning, still curled up in his arms. He was awake, his eyes looking a little tired and she knew he had been watchful for her most of the night. That or the nightmares she'd had had kept him awake.

She sat up and disentangled herself from him. He watched her silently as she got up from the bed and went to the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind her. He sat up and called Finn to organise the lunch; her silence this morning had told him that she was ready to start talking to other people. He could see the anger in her eyes and understood that she would refuse to take it easy, to be gentle with herself. He understood that it was her way to surge forward. And perhaps she would falter with this path, but it was her path to take, and he would back her 100%. She needed to be angry, she needed to aggressively take back her life. She needed her friends here. He organised with Finn for a late afternoon lunch and hung up, knowing he'd ring everyone else. He took a steadying breath; he'd just invited six people into his home and he needed a moment to mentally prepare for that. He felt an anxiety gnawing at his stomach and stood up, going to the chin up bar across the door to his walk in robe. Whenever he felt the anxiety he exercised.

Chloe washed her hands and looked in the mirror at herself. The bruise on the side of her face was painful and ugly. She furrowed her brows and found that she couldn't take her eyes off that bruise.

"I am not a _victim_." She told herself in the strongest voice she could muster. "I am_not_ a victim." She felt tears sting at her eyes and she rubbed her eyes angrily and caught her bruise painfully. "FUCK!" She blurted out loudly rather than let herself wince and cry. She needed to punch something, needed to learn to fight better. Needed to train harder. Every day.

She looked back at her face, trying to swallow all of her rage. She felt the way he grabbed her throat, always he grabbed her throat, controlling her breath, controlling her life. She hadn't let him get that close this time, but still she felt his hands on her again. She needed to fuck. She was sick of feeling all of their hands on her. She needed to rip the crime scene tape off her body and tear down the flag that had been erected by those men on her flesh. She violently wanted to reclaim herself. She bitterly hated Ian for showing up now. She had been doing so well, she had earned her peace of mind, she had worked so hard… and in a few minutes he had torn that from her. She closed her eyes and tried to take a few deep breaths.

"I won't let you take me from me." She told the memory of Ian in her mind. She opened her eyes and saw her face again.

Emotions raged inside of her, her skin crawling, her mind warring. She tore out of the bathroom and saw Rhys on the chin-up bar.

"I don't need you to hold me all night, you know?" She spat angrily, "Like you're some fucking knight in shining armour. Staying awake and making sure I'm safe!" He dropped from the bar and turned to her slowly. "I don't need some fucking hero!" She yelled at him, "I'm not a victim!"

"I know." He answered quietly and Chloe held back the tears his calm face brought up in her throat.

"I'm not a victim." She repeated and he nodded, "I don't need you." She told him and he nodded again.

"You don't need anyone but yourself Chloe." He told her as he slowly began to move to the point furthest from the door again. "It wasn't me that saved you from Ian. You did that yourself." The wind suddenly swept out of her sails as she saw him settle back on the drawers, his palms leaning on the edge of the drawers as he leaned on them, so she could see his hands.

"That's right." She said softly, "I did fight him off." She took a deep breath.

"You don't need anyone Chloe." He repeated, "But nonetheless I am here for as long as you want me to be. You're not alone." He repeated the words she had said to him and she nodded slowly, "I know you got this missy. I know you can take all them fuckers down by yourself. But you don't have to do it alone." He gave her a reassuring smile, "And for me, it's been nice to know someone's got my back. So just know, I got yours." Chloe sat with a thud on his bed. "You are not a victim Ms Chloe Harris."

"I'm sorry." She whispered, tears coming to her eyes and he shook his head.

"You do what you gotta do." He replied with no hint of upset, "You can yell and scream at me as much as you need." He took a deep breath, "I can take it." She looked up at him and shook her head.

"I'm sorry about your car." She repeated.

"Of all the things I've got to worry about right now, that is literally at the bottom of the list."

"Thank you for holding me all night." She felt guilty for yelling at him, but he seemed so unfazed.

"It wasn't just for you I'm ashamed to admit." He lowered his eyes, "you know I will do whatever you need, but last night… I also needed. I was lucky that our needs coincided."

"You needed to hold me?" She asked confused.

"Yes Chloe." He breathed, the emotion in his eyes piercingly painful.

"Why?" He looked away uncomfortably.

"This event should not be about me and how I feel." He told her.

"Please tell me." She asked vulnerably.

"Last night," He shook his head, "I just wanted you to be alright. I wanted my arms to… to help you heal yourself." He looked up at her slowly, "I need for you to be alright." He told her, "Wherever you are in this world, whatever you're doing… I need for you to be alright. Because I love you." His fingers twitched and she realised he still wanted, needed to hold her, "I know that can't always happen." He nodded slowly, "but I can do everything in my power to try and make it so."

"Rhys." She said softly, "You can't make your whole life about keeping me happy."

"What's the point of life if you can't bring happiness to the people you love?" He asked her honestly, "Not just happiness, but safety, respect, love." He took another deep breath, "I find myself wanting to look after you Chloe."

"But I wanna look after myself." She replied slowly, as if asking his permission and his brows furrowed in pain; that he had possibly ever done something to make her think she had to ask his permission for anything. He looked down and gathered his emotions.

"The two are not mutually exclusive." He told her, "I understand how important it is for a person to be able to look after themselves. I would never seek to take that power from you." Chloe nodded slowly, knowing he was telling her the truth.

"I understand."

"I want to take care of you… as much as you'll let me." She saw the vulnerability in his eyes; this was vitally important to him. She couldn't understand why, and she didn't want to press the issue because she feared that the more he thought about it, the more likely he'd come to see her as just a bitchy broken little girl, and she'd lose him. She couldn't stand to lose him.

"Teach me that move?" She asked to change the topic and to make her feel like she could look after herself, to feel safe by herself again. He knew which one she was referring to immediately. The move that Gus had taught him, a headlock that cut off blood supply to the head. You could kill someone doing it, or cause them brain damage.

He sat down on the bed in a position to see his reflection in the mirror.

"Alright." He said softly, "I'll teach you how to do it first, then I'll teach you how to do it to someone who's actively fighting you." She nodded in reply, her mind focussing; it was good to have a goal, something to think about other than the way Ian's hands felt on her body. "Kneel behind me." He ordered with a gentle voice. She was used to taking training orders from him given in a much more commanding voice.

"Ok." She said softly and got into position behind him. She looked at his face in the reflection and listened to his calm, soothing voice.

"There's the jugular," He ran his fingers down one side of his neck, "And the carotid artery." She ran her fingers down the other side of his neck, "the aim of the chokehold, or blood choke, is to stop the flow of blood to the brain." Chloe nodded carefully listening. "This is called a rear naked choke. Put your arm around my neck." He lifted his chin for her and she slotted her arm around his neck. "Your elbow should line up with my windpipe at the front of my neck." He waited for her to position herself. "Use your other arm to tighten this arms grip around my neck through squeezing." She started to tighten her grip, "Not yet." She instantly stopped and gave him an apologetic look. "Your bicep should be on one side of my neck, your forearm on the other." She nodded, "And you use your other arm to control how hard this arm pincers my neck. But Chloe," He looked her in the eye in the mirror, "You'll feel my muscles un-tense just before I lose consciousness." She nodded, her heart starting beat hard, "I need you to let go as soon as I _start_ to go limp."

"Alright." She nodded nervously.

"Not once I'm down, not after I've been unconscious for a bit… as soon as I start to go limp. Alright?" She nodded slowly. "Alright go." She hesitated. "I trust you." He said softly, knowing his life was literally in her hands. She'd asked him to teach her this move, to do this for her; and he simply did it, regardless of the danger to himself. She swallowed hard and nodded before squeezing his neck tentatively, afraid. "Tighter!" He roared at her and she put her whole force into it, squeezing as hard as she could. It seemed almost instantaneous, but really it had taken ten seconds before he had started to swoon. She felt him fall sideways and let go, realising she should have let go sooner. He fell off the bed to the floor.

"Rhys!" She squeaked out and fell to her knees beside him. Chloe hadn't realised that the difference between starting to go limp and being completely unconscious would be a matter of seconds. She felt panic rising up in her chest and was about to call an ambulance when he groaned and his eyes opened, unfocussed. "Rhys?" She stroked his forehead and he sat up looking around slowly.

"Good." He said softly, "But you held on for too long." He rubbed his eyes and got up, sitting back on the bed, "if I was attacking you, hold on at least that long, if not a little longer." She looked up at him with wide eyes, not yet willing to get up off the floor.

"How dangerous is this?" She asked, suddenly realising that if it only took seconds to put this huge man down, it would only take a few seconds more to seriously hurt him.

"Very." He answered honestly. "You can kill a person, or give them brain damage." She looked horrified.

"And you let me do that to you?" She looked down at her arms; she hadn't believed she'd be strong enough to do it. And then a bigger realisation came to her, "you trust me with your life." She whispered.

"I do." His eyes held hers and his face softened, "D'you wanna try again?" She shook her head.

"I wanna use you for sex." He paused in mid-thought, his eyes going off to the side; she was in a very changeable mood today.

"Alright, but I might need a min-" She dove on him from the floor, knocking him back onto the bed, her mouth on his as she raised his arms over his head and pinned him to the bed. He grinned through the kisses; both of them knowing he wasn't really pinned, but both of them enjoying the power play nonetheless. But in the back of his head, Rhys already knew how this would end up, even as his body responded to her, his mouth opening as wide as hers to devour each other with kisses. Chloe tore at his shirt; the shirt he'd been wearing yesterday, he had not undressed to sleep in case his nakedness would trigger her. A button flew off and clanged against the wall, and Rhys kept his hands right where she'd put them, still above his head. She started to kiss down his chest, violent flashes of her confrontation with Ian yesterday penetrating her mind; the feeling of helplessness, of victimhood settling in her stomach. She felt her whole body clench up and screamed in frustration as she sat up, still straddling Rhys, her hands over her face. She started to cry angrily and Rhys sat up, tentatively putting one hand on her shoulder. But she pushed him away aggressively.

"Don't fucking touch me!" She jumped off him and ran for the door. Rhys didn't move; he watched her get to the door and stop, her ragged breath making her whole body move with each inhale, each exhale. "I- I'm sorry." She said in a small voice, still facing the door.

"It's fine." He slowly stood up, "I'm just gonna go to the bathroom, ok?" Chloe heard him close the door after him and let out a sigh. She knew he was removing himself from the scene for her, so his presence didn't threaten her.

"What is wrong with me?" She asked her self angrily. She left his room and went into the third bedroom; set up as a home gym and office; it was a mess of a room. But there was a punching bag hanging from the ceiling. She slipped on Rhys's gloves; they were far too big for her, but she started to hit at the bag anyway, as hard as she could. She grunted and yelled at it, she felt tears on her cheeks as she swore and screamed at the punching bag.

Sometime later; she had no idea how much time later, she wearily collapsed onto the lounge and Rhys brought her a freshly made egg and salad sandwich. She gratefully took it, but her hands felt weak and numb and she could barely hold it. Gently, Rhys sat beside her and took the sandwich back from her, he cut it into more manageable pieces and handed her the plate back. He'd also squeezed some orange juice for her. She ate gratefully, the silence between them worrying her. But even as she fretted she knew he was just giving her space, he was fine, he was always fine.

"Weekend got ruined." She said apologetically and Rhys made a small thoughtful noise in the back of his throat.

"It's not the weekend I would have asked for if I had a choice." He admitted, "But it's not ruined." He smiled slightly, "You know how to knock me out now if I bang on too much." She laughed at his unexpected joke. "So I'm thinking that today we might just hang about, do some reading, maybe watch a movie. I got 'The Dark Crystal' out from the store." He watched Chloe's mouth open in delighted surprise, "I remembered that you told me it's your favourite from when you were a kid."

"It was." She answered in awe of his ability to remember things, she'd have to ask him about that sometime. The only other person she knew with a memory like his was Phillip, and his parents had basically forced that upon him.

"Then I think the gang should come and visit at about two." His east end accent was particularly broad when he said that with a cheeky grin but she sat bolt upright.

"But this is your safe haven." She whispered. He nodded.

"Yeah." He said almost regretfully, "but," His tone lightened, "You need to see your friends, and I like having you here… so…" He shrugged, "Guess I have to invite some people round."

"I don't need to see them." Chloe muttered and Rhys raised his eyebrows just slightly. She knew he wouldn't press her, it just wasn't his way.

"Alright." He agreed with her, "What books do you wanna read?"

"Ok I do wanna see them." Chloe admitted, "But you don't have to have your sanctuary be breached for me." She stroked his face gently and he smiled at her with such love; Chloe knew that no one had ever loved her as much as he did, not in her whole life.

"It's good for me to sometimes do things that I struggle with Chloe." He told her, "And besides, if I'm gonna have someone here, it'd be that bunch o' losers."

"If we're losers then you're a loser with us then." She laughed.

"Proudly." He agreed with a grin. "I trust that group of people." Rhys told her, "I'll be ok with them being here, as long as they don't go wondering around too much." She saw him fretting slightly and kissed his lips gently.

"We'll be fine. As long as we're together." She stroked his face, "You make me feel invincible and I'm scared of how I'll feel when we break up." She confessed suddenly and he nodded his head slowly.

"You feel strong." He told her, "Because you are strong. It feels like this strength is invincibility because other men have liked to make you feel weak. I simply let you feel what you feel. Whatever that is." He stroked her hair tentatively, and when she showed no objection he continued. "I doubt you will ever let yourself be made to feel weak again."

"Ian did yesterday."

"Yesterday he treated you like his victim. That is a different thing. People who are strong can still become victims." He told her passionately, "The strength is in surviving what this world and the people in it do to us." She put her arms around his neck gratefully and he wrapped his arms around her, "no matter how hard it is, no matter how long it takes; you're a survivor Chloe. You're strong."

"Please don't leave me." She whispered to him gently and he held her tighter, feeling himself slipping deeper in to love with her.

"I don't currently see a reason why that would happen Chloe, do you?" He asked her honestly. But she didn't reply. She just clung to him. She saw plenty of reasons why he'd want to dump her. "Perhaps you will outgrow me?" He asked as she pulled out of the hug.

"You think I'd be the one leaving?" She asked incredulously and he shrugged slowly.

"Neither of us can know what the future holds." He said with a sad smile, "So I can't promise things like forever. I'm not sure that you want that or not…?" She shrugged, knowing that she did want it but not ready to say that out loud. "Either way, I promise to do my best to make you happy Chloe. And I promise to not do anything to give you reason to leave me. And we love each other. So hopefully those three things together will give us a long relationship."

"I really hope so." She felt oddly comforted by his outlook and philosophy. Chloe started to think that there was something to be said for not throwing around vast concepts like forever; they were essentially meaningless words with no true understanding of what forever was, or what it took to make a relationship worth being in for such a long time. All she'd wanted her whole life was to find her prince charming that would tell her that he'd love her forever; but she was starting to feel like forever was an empty promise. What Rhys had said to her felt more like a forever promise than the word itself. He was willing to work for her, to fight, to wait, to do whatever it took; and all with no guarantees.

"What-" He started to ask but she shook her head.

"What did you go through that made you so wise, so young?" Chloe watched him lower his eyes.

"I'm not wise Chloe. I just try my best to learn." He raised his eyes to her, "My mother was wise. But she was often forced to make decisions that… were difficult… for her survival. For our survival. And people mistook that for stupidity." He smiled gently, "She taught me well." Chloe watched his thoughtful face for a moment and looked over at the bookshelf. There were a few new books added to the new shelf he'd attached to the wall. She saw a writer she'd been meaning to visit for some time; he was one of Phillip's favourites, and Rae quite liked him too.

"Is that Qabbani?" She asked nodding towards the bookshelf. He looked over and nodded. "Read it to me?" He grinned and nodded.

"It was a gift from one of my friends." He told her, still grinning.

"The ones I haven't met yet?" She asked pointedly.

"Those ones." He agreed with a wry grin, "Soon. I promise." He told her as he went over to the bookshelf and took the book down. "Just waiting for some of them to get back from overseas." He reassured her and she nodded in reply. He sat back down on the lounge and she settled into his arms, feeling exhausted but at peace. He started to read the introduction to the book; his deep voice rumbling through her body as she rested her head on his chest.

"I should get you to do this more often." Chloe grinned, "Your voice is magic."

"Not even past the introduction yet!" He laughed. But he kept reading without further comment, his rich voice adding depth and beauty to the already stunning words. After several beautiful poems filled with a raw emotion and incredible wisdom that spoke to Chloe deeply, Rhys came to one poem that truly stood out for her, for both of them:

"I have no power to change you, or explain your ways. Never believe a man can change a woman. Those men are pretenders, who think that they created woman from one of their ribs. Woman does not emerge from a man's ribs, not ever; it's he who emerges from her womb, like a fish rising from depths of water, and like streams that branch away from a river. It's he who circles the sun of her eyes, and imagines he is fixed in place."

"Shouldn't you be prepping for the drama comp?" Chloe asked as Rae threw her arms around Chloe's neck before the front door was even fully opened.

"Are you ok Chlo?" Rae asked with a deeply worried tone.

"I'm feeling a lot better than I was." Chloe answered honestly. She looked back at Rhys who was standing in the doorway to the hall, nervously taking a few deep breaths. She gave him a grateful and reassuring smile. He returned the smile with a determined nod of the head. It was a strange thing to see him look slightly anxious, but she watched him close his eyes and keep taking deep breaths; she guessed he'd been dealing with this for a great deal of his life and he'd managed to get a routine that worked for him.

"Got postponed." Finn answered Chloe's earlier question, "By a week. Elsa did a ring around this morning to let us all know."

"Oh really?" Chloe asked as she invited them in, "I wonder why?"

"Venue got damaged by lightening." Rae told her and shrugged, "So they're repairing it for us apparently. I say they should just move us somewhere else, but oh well." She looked around Rhys's flat quickly and saw him heading to the kitchen.

"Drinks?" He asked as he went into the kitchen.

"Brews all round lad!" Rae replied with a big grin. This flat was somehow perfectly Rhys. The green lounge, the blue shelving stuffed full of books, the pristine white walls, the classic sleek, modern dining table, the overstuffed 60's inspired armchairs. "I love this flat." She told him when she went into his kitchen.

"To be honest, you're all my first guests in this place." He told her with a tight grin.

"How long have you been here you anti-social bastard?" She joked and he chuckled, enjoying the way she never made a big deal of things like that, but seeing by the look on her face that she understood somehow.

"I sold my house just over two years ago and bought this flat."

"Why'd you sell a house for a flat?" She shook her head.

"I hate gardening." He replied. "I owned that house and this flat cost a lot less than that house, so I have a nice amount of money left over."

"For the business!" He nodded in reply to her.

"Oi you splendid cunts!" Chop said gleefully as he came into the kitchen, "bought some party pies and-"

"Chop, did Izzy tell you why we're here?" Rae asked him and he looked at her blankly.

"Late lunch?" He asked and she gave Rhys a slight look before looking back at Chop.

"Ian came for Chloe." She told him.

"Oh fuck!" He said with wide panicked eyes, "Is she alright?" He looked out at the lounge room; Finn and Izzy were in there alone, Chloe had gone to the bathroom.

"You'll have to ask her Chop." Rae retorted and he pulled a face.

"Alright alright!" He conceded.

"Chop, while I've got you, can I organise a quote from your mechanic to do some repairs to my car?" Rhys asked in a low voice.

"What?" Chop chuckled, "You let your precious baby get a scratch did you?"

"It's just a car." Rhys shook his head, "But it is a fucking nice car." He grinned. "But yeah, Ian smashed it up."

"Oh shit." Chop furrowed his brows, "How bad?"

"I probably won't be able to afford to get it fixed right now." Rhys shrugged as the kettle went off and the front door was opened to Tom and Archie. Rae saw Chloe come to the kitchen door from the hallway, wanting to go through the kitchen before she saw everyone in the lounge room, but Chop and Rhys didn't see her.

"I'm surprised you haven't got insurance." Chop muttered.

"I do." Rhys answered as he filled the large pot of tea up and put several mugs on a tray. Chop made a confused sound in the back of his throat. "I can't claim on it unless I have a police report about how the damage occurred." He told Chop in a dispassionate voice.

"Well get one." Chop said as if it were obvious.

"I can't." Rhys answered.

"Why?"

"Chop…" Rae tried to silence him when she saw Chloe's sad face, the nasty bruise along the one side of her face standing out more than when Rae had first seen it.

"It's a valid question!" Chop retorted. But Rhys shook his head to indicate he wasn't willing to talk about this topic any further.

"I suspect Chloe doesn't wanna talk to the fuzz Chop." Rae told him and Chop made a face at her before realisation came to him.

"How bad did Ian hurt her?" He asked Rhys, but Rhys again shook his head.

"It doesn't matter if he didn't even touch her Chop. I wouldn't wanna see Saul again, even if he were in jail and I were safely on the other side o' the bars." She shrugged, "She don't have'ta report it if she don't want'a." Chop furrowed his brows, not entirely sure he understood, but accepting it anyway.

"Alright." He turned back to Rhys, "I'll do the best quote I can."

"I don't want mates rates Chop, you've got a business to run." Rhys told him, "Just give me a fair quote."

"D'you want me to go down and have a look now?" Chop asked and Rhys shook his head.

"Today's about Chloe. Come back when she's at school so we can have a chat about it." Chop nodded slowly, "Help me take these out." Rhys and Chop took the tea out to the lounge room and Chloe came into the kitchen. Rae wrapped her arms around Chloe again.

"I've gotta call the cops." Chloe muttered.

"No you don't." Rae answered and looked into her eyes firmly, "Chloe you don't have to. Rhys would never-"

"I know." Chloe answered, "But I wanna look after him." She sighed.

"He doesn't require you to relive your trauma to look after him." Rae reminded her.

"I know Rae." Chloe hugged her fiercely, "but I need to do it for me too." She headed back towards Rhys's room to call the police and Rae followed.

"No Rae, you can't come. No one comes into Rhys's room." Rae furrowed her brows and smiled awkwardly as she made a confused sound. "I know his reputation suggests otherwise, but it's true." Rae nodded her head.

"O' course it's true." Rae replied, "I'll meet you in the lounge room yeah?" Chloe nodded and slipped back through the door while Rae went through the other door to the lounge room. Everyone was waiting tensely as Rhys served up tea. Chloe came in a few minutes later and was greeted by several intakes of air. Archie was up and hugging her before anyone else. Rhys and Rae shared a concerned look as everyone crowded around Chloe. Finn stayed next to Rae, having already hugged her and not wanting to crowd her.

"I brought you some o' this." Archie said as he took the St Johns Wort out of his pocket. "Just dab it on the bruises and they'll go down quicker." He gave an encouraging smile.

"Thanks Archer." She said gratefully and looked down at the little bottle.

"Alright everyone." Rae said protectively, knowing that Rhys wouldn't speak for Chloe unless she asked him to. Slowly everyone settled into the comfy chairs and an awkward silence settled over them.

"I think we should stay in pairs at least." Rhys finally said, "For all of our safety." He looked pointedly at Finn's face and everyone turned curious eyes to him but he shrugged in response.

"I'm fine." He finally said, "We should be thinking about Chlo."

"Can't we just go over to Ian's house and beat the shit outta him?" Chop asked sincerely, "that'd get rid of 'im."

"No cos I called the cops." Chloe said, "And if anything happens to Ian now, they'll think it were us." Rhys's brows furrowed and he bit his bottom lip in concern. Chloe saw his face and shrugged, "Needed to." She told him, but he kept his eyes on her for long enough for Chloe to know that he knew when she was lying. She took his hand, "I needed to." She said more firmly and he nodded his head slowly, worrying that her motives had been more about him than her. "Anyway they're coming over to look at the damage to your car and to do an interview with me." She shrugged.

"Well it's good you're talking to the cops right?" Archie said, "Get him put in jail."

"I hope so!" Chloe said with a light grin. She looked up at Rhys and saw a strange, unreadable expression on his face. "What do you think?" She asked him and he looked reluctant to answer.

"I distrust the system." He answered carefully, "Perhaps I'm not the best person to ask." He didn't want to take away her hope, but he knew there was no way Ian would see the inside of a jail cell.

"Let's change the topic." Chloe answered, seeing that unreadable look on his face was not changing.

"Ayup fucker, you must be getting keen to head home?" Chop asked Rhys and Rhys shook his head.

"Nigeria is not my home." He said with a strange look, "I was born here, I have never left England. This is my home."

"Oh sorry, I meant… like the home of your family." Chop grinned and Rhys gave him a wan smile.

"England is home to all the family I've ever known." Rhys corrected, but decided to throw him a bone when he saw the look of worry on Chop's face, "it is home to the family of my family though." Chop nodded gratefully.

"Right." Chop chuckled, "it must be exciting to be going?"

"I've cancelled." Rhys answered emotionlessly.

"What?" Chloe asked shocked, "Why?" She shook her head, "When did you do this?"

"I've cancelled going to Nigeria." He answered her questions, "Because I am needed here, and that is more important to me than finding my possible relatives." He put a hand on her knee gently and Chloe felt her insides grow simultaneously warm with his love and saddened for him, "and I did it last night as you slept."

"I wouldn't go either." Finn backed Rhys. Chop considered this and nodded slowly to denote his agreement.

"Yeah." Tom agreed as Archie nodded his head too. Chloe turned her eyes to Izzy and Rae.

"Don't look at me I'd be out the fucking country." Rae joked, breaking the solemn mood as everyone started to laugh.

"Yeah same." Izzy said with a grim smile, "you'd be on your own Chop." Chop chuckled merrily, knowing it wasn't true.

"Right well now we know who to trust." Tom joked, "And onto me getting dragged outta work yester to save his arse!" He nodded at Finn and everyone gave a curious look.

"I could've taken 'em!" Finn rolled his eyes.

"What happened?" Izzy asked, her eyes turning to Finn's bruised face.

"Phillip of all people, came running into the boxing joint to grab me cos Finn were in trouble." Tom shrugged, "Wanna tell me what it was about now?" Finn sighed and looked at Rae.

"Did you and Phil fuck up the car beforehand?" He hadn't had the chance to ask her yet.

"Yeah a little." She answered, "A while back these twats threw a coke can out of a car at me." She explained to the gang.

"Left a huge bruise." Finn added. They told the story like this, adding to each other's version of events until they got to Tom's involvement.

"Left my client standing there while I ran off. Told 'em I'd be 5 minutes. Had to discount half the lesson cost." He shook his head chuckling, "Try to get your arse kicked between clients next time!" He joked.

"I'll do me best!" Finn responded with a grin. There was a knock on the door and Tom, closest to the door got up to answer.

Dee Dee stood at the door in a skimpy black number this time and looked him up and down with an appraising eye.

"Is Rhys here?" She asked him with an appreciative smile.

"Dee Dee." Chloe saw the moment of strain before he smiled broadly and went to the door. Tom stepped back and gave him a cocked eyebrow.

"I saw your car in the car park and I just came to see if you were ok?" She looked him up and down hungrily and everyone exchanged glances and tried to not chuckle as Rhys replied politely.

"You're very kind Dee Dee, I'm fine." He answered and she looked in at all the people before looking back at Rhys.

"Looks like someone has it in for you." She said with a worried voice but before Rhys could reply he saw the police coming down the hallway behind her.

"Officers." Rhys said with a welcoming smile before opening the door for them to come in, "Sorry Dee Dee, we'll have to chat later. Goodbye now." He closed the door before she had chance to talk and Chloe notice his hands ball slightly before he took a deep breath and she realised what a mistake she had made, inviting even more people into his home. She gave him an apologetic look before standing to introduce herself to the police officers.

After explaining that she was fine with her friends staying she told the officers everything that had happened. Rae sat beside her and put a hand on leg comforting her while Rhys sat on the other side of her, Chloe's hands squeezing his tightly. They asked some questions for clarification and went down to the underground tenant's car park with Rhys and Chop to look at the damage to the car.

They returned and asked a few more questions while Chop shook his head, bemoaning the damage to Rhys's car with a low muttering to himself.

The officers left and the gang crowded in to comfort her, but Chloe felt strangely fine and quickly changed the topic

Everyone left around dinner time, but Chloe rang home and told her parents she was staying at Izzy's house for another night. Her mother asked her about the glass in the driveway and Chloe decided she'd tell her parents when she got home. Her and Rhys cooked a meal and settled down to watch 'The Dark Crystal,' Rhys leaned back on the lounge and Chloe lying on top of him, his arms wrapping around her easily.

"I'm sorry I invited the cops into your safe haven Rhys." She mumbled guiltily and looked back at him he gave her a small smile.

"I know why you did it Chlo. It was more about my car than your needs." She furrowed her brows, "Please don't do that again." He watched her lower her eyes and gently added, "Inanimate objects are never more important than your needs."

"You love that car." She said back slowly.

"I love you." He said firmly, "A lot more than I could ever love any thing." He stroked her hair, "That car is an object, you are a person. If I ever make you feel like you are secondary to any of the objects I own please punch me square in the face." She chuckled.

"Deal."

"You think I'm joking but I'm not." He said with a grin, "Even if for just a second I make you feel less important or less loved than any item I own. Hit me. Hard."

"I will!" She bit her bottom lip, "What do I do when I make myself feel that way?"

"Come talk to me and I'll set you straight." He laughed. "But really, mention this to your therapist. A lot of women think of themselves in terms of objectification. They see themselves through the eyes of men. Women are constantly aware of how they must look to those watching them."

"My whole life I've been conscious of how I must look to other people." She said softly.

"Our society unconsciously raises girls to be prizes for men. That's why you thought my car might be more important than you. I worked hard to be able to afford that car. It was most definitely a prize after all that effort. You are not a prize Chloe." He stroked her hair as she settled back onto his chest, "You are not an object. You are a human being. I work hard to earn the privilege of sharing your time, my time… together." She enjoyed the feel of his big hands stroking the hair at her temples gently, "it's a privilege to share parts of our life together, not a prize."

"We all see ourselves as objects. Pretty baubles for men to own." She whispered slowly, "That's why Rae thinks she's not pretty enough and I freaked out about what to wear last year… and Izzy… that's why Izzy felt ugly when she lost her hair. Even though she weren't." She grabbed one of his hands and wrapped his arm around her comfortingly. "We put more emphasis on how we look than who we are, cos we're shiny prizes to be won by men."

"Think of all the childhood stories you've watched. Even this one." He nodded towards the tv, playing 'The Dark Crystal,' "the story follows the trials of a male. After all his suffering, at the end of it, he wins the girl." Chloe nodded her head slowly, "They're not all like that and some of them give the female more of a storyline than others, but most movies follow that general line."

"Holy shit." Chloe said slowly, "I can't even think of a movie that doesn't."

"'Never Ending Story.'" Rhys grinned, "But it's still about males."

"White males." She said softly and Rhys nodded.

"I'm sure the industry will change as people become more aware of the stories we tell each other and of how important representation is and things like that. But there's a long way to go."

"But if all you see as a child growing up is girls being prizes… my mother's a trophy wife! Oh my god!" Chloe sat up in realisation, "I've been groomed to be a prize." She always thought she'd get some fit lad and be his beautiful wife, she'd be his. If she was lucky, he'd be well off and she'd be his good looking wife to show off. "Ugh." She said in disgust. That's exactly what her mother was. She settled back on to Rhys's chest, "That's why they don't want me with you." She whispered, "Because the son-in-law is their prize. He's the prince charming that managed to win me from all the other interlopers."

"And a black man can't be a prince." Rhys agreed, "To be fair most people don't realise that these are the relationship myths they live with. They never question the way relationships are formed and how norms came to be and where the expectations we have come from."

"Wow." She marvelled slowly.

"So where we began Chloe, is that you are far more important than anything I own." He kissed her on the top of the head, "Fly kick me in the face if I ever make you feel otherwise." She laughed and kissed his hand gently, her eyes falling to the television set. "And can I ask you, that while this is my flat, that you please talk to me before you invite people in?" He said softly, "Obviously if I ever make you feel unsafe call the police, but in this instance I would have liked just a bit of a warning. It was quite difficult to have so many people here."

"I'm sorry."

"No it's fine, I just need more preparation time than that." He told her, "If we ever have a place that is ours, we will set the rules of that house together. But here, in my flat, please just talk to me before inviting anyone in."

"I understand." She looked up at him, "I wouldn't want a whole bunch o' people just coming into my room without first knowing. And thank you so much for having the gang here for a bit today. It really helped." He nodded.

"It was nice having them here." He reassured her, "I think I should invite them around more often."

"Just make sure you give yourself plenty of prep time." She tried to support his needs and he grinned happily.

"I will." They watched the movie in silence for a while.

"Do guys have the same kind of pressure girls have?" Chloe asked him and Rhys considered this for a moment.

"Gender roles affect us both. There's a kind of toxic masculinity prescribed to boys, you know; you're a girl if you cry… things like that. It's oppressive, but I feel that the oppression women suffer because of gender roles is worse." He shrugged, "But I'm not really the one to talk to about it. You need a good feminist like my mate Aiyana, she can talk you through it all. Or Nikki, she's good too."

"Why not you?' Chloe asked a little sulkily.

"Cos I'm a man. I'll never understand it properly." He started to stroke her hair again. "I can empathise though."

"You know what oppression is." Chloe replied and he nodded.

"Hm. But it's different." He agreed.

"So it's like I could never understand your oppression properly." She said, "Cos I'm white."

"Yeah, but you empathise." She nodded in reply and felt acutely aware of all the things that divided people.

"I wish none of that stuff mattered." She muttered, "Wish we were all just equal." Rhys made a small noise that she could have been agreement, but she couldn't tell.

"Unfortunately we don't live in that world. Better to be aware o' that."

"How am I gonna cope with your friends if they're more political than you?" She asked glumly and he chuckled. "No I'm serious. I'm not smart enough for all this stuff Rhys."

"Smart is a difficult concept to nail down Chloe. Smart by whose definition? And nonetheless you're proving constantly that you are indeed smart enough for it." She looked up at him, "Don't doubt yourself." She sighed glumly before looking away.

"Even your reassurance makes me question my whole definition of the world." She answered and he shifted slightly so he could look at her face.

"Tom used to say that I was very difficult to be with because I never let him have any mental down time." He said softly, "I guess I'm constantly thinking and questioning. There's plenty of things about me that I want to change or that I have under control… this isn't one of those things."

"I don't want you to change." Chloe said, "If I need mental down town I'll go chill out with Tom!" She grinned, "I just wish I already knew all this stuff. I'm embarrassed that I had no idea about… any of it. I've heard people say some fucked up shit before Rhys… but I had no idea how bad it were… the idea of you getting stopped and searched by the filth while you was jogging… and I saw the way those cops today looked at you. Their first impression was that you gave me this bruise." She shook her head sadly. "I just had no idea. And I hate that about myself."

"No one knows everything Chloe." Rhys reassured her, "Our knowledge and lives are made up by the things we experience. It's alright to have new experiences. It's alright to not know things. It's what you do with new knowledge that matters." He thought for a moment about how frustrating it was to always be explaining his experiences to white people and tried to frame it in a way that would be helpful, "it does suck as a black man to be constantly educating white people. But it sucks more that most of them don't believe me. That neighbour in London who was out to warn you all about me… he'll go back to his life and not think one bit about the things I told him. He won't hear it, he won't believe it. So… when I've got the patience to explain my experiences…. I'd much rather tell someone like you, who listens than that prat. Problem is, it's always prats like that that I end up having to defend myself against."

"Should've just hit him."

"I'd've been in jail quick smart missy!" Rhys chuckled.

"I'd say I did it." She grinned, "Cute blonde girl… don't we get away with everything?" Rhys laughed and shook his head. "I'll take the blame for all your crimes Rhys." She grinned.

"Lucky I'm not intending to commit any. Unless I come across Ian in a dark alleyway." Chloe's grin fell slightly at the mention of his name.

"Would you hurt him?" She asked tentatively, "For me."

"I think you can safely guarantee that I'd hurt him Chloe." Rhys answered, "Unless you asked me not to." He stroked her face, "but the police are aware of this situation now. Which means…"

"They'll suspect you straight away." She finished his sentence and looked away. "D'you think Jules and all those security men he's got…?"

"If I were to ask this of Jules, Ian would disappear." Rhys said.

"I thought Julian weren't a killer?" Chloe asked with wide eyes.

"Who said anything about killing?" Rhys replied, "Sometimes a man just chooses to get lost. Permanently."

"They'd suspect you." Chloe shook her head. "I just have to hit training harder." She decided, "Kick his arse every time he comes for me until he gets tired of it."

"Shall we increase your training from three times a week to six, then?"

"Seven." Chloe answered with determination.

_'Animal Nitrate' by Suede_

_Dear Rae_

_I want to taste you, to run my fingertips along your curves. _

_I want to feel the silk of your hair on my skin._

_I can just imagine your body pressing against me. _

_I so desperately want to worship you._

_You are so beautiful. _

_I know you're with Finn, so I won't ever bother you. _

_But you should know you have options. _

_A lot of options; even ones you might have never thought of before. _

_Love forever from_

_A secret admirer. _

Rae felt her heartbeat speed up. She looked around the hallway with wide panicked eyes.

When she had opened her locker an envelope had dropped out. She opened it expecting something from Finn, or the gang…

Finn slammed Phil against the lockers in the change room. Phil was only in his underwear and the metal was cold against his back.

"The fuck?" He asked angrily, pushing Finn away. But Finn pushed him back into the lockers, Macca rolling his eyes and getting the rest of the class to back away and continue to get changed for class.

"You send her a fucking love letter?" Finn accused angrily.

"No." Phil answered with genuine disgust, "That's not my style!" He pushed Finn back hard and Finn stayed back this time, Phil got his back off the lockers and looked Finn up and down dismissively, "You've been watching my style for the past few months."

"Yeah chasing after a girl who's taken, reading her poetry and giving her gifts… hasn't worked."

"So what, you think I moved on to a fucking love letter?" Phil shook his head, "Does it have my name on it?"

"It's anonymous."

"Right so you blame me." Phil gave him a dirty look and turned back to his locker.

"Why don't you care about this?" Finn asked with a loud hiss.

"Why would I?" Phillip shook his head, "You and I both know she's the most beautiful woman on the planet. I'm sure she's got a lot of admirers."

"Yeah like Saul." Finn shot back and Phil froze.

"Oh fuck." He whispered and turned to Finn.

"So you can imagine how scared this made her." Finn told him like he was an idiot and Phil nodded. "He's still out there."

"I wouldn't… it wasn't me." Phil said honestly with no defensiveness. He watched Finn deflate with worry and look away nodding slowly. "What can I do to help?" Finn pulled an envelope from his pocket and handed it to Phil.

"Any ideas?" He asked as he sat down on the bench with a thud. Phil looked at the pink envelope and took out the carefully folded letter, written in beautiful cursive writing, a faint floral smell wafting from the creamy paper.

"This was written by a girl Finn." Phil told him and Finn furrowed his brows at him.

"You what?"

"I hate to perpetrate gender stereotypes here, but you name a lad in this school who wears floral perfume." He put the paper to Finn's nose. Finn breathed in and scoffed.

"Fucking hell." He marvelled and Phil read the letter.

"It says she's got options, even options she 'might have never thought of before.'"Phil raised his eyebrows at Finn, "Your girlfriend's got a girlie admirer." He handed the letter back and Finn looked down at it with a less panicked eye.

"You could get a threesome going." Macca said tentatively, hoping the argument was over.

"No." Finn answered sternly.

"And if she's really interested in girls Macca, she's not gonna want him near her." Phillip shook his head in bemusement. "She'll want Rae all to herself."

"Wonder who it is?" Macca took the letter from Finn and sniffed it. "Well whoever it is, this is fucking hot!" He grinned and handed the letter back to Finn who frowned. It wasn't hot when he had to try and calm Rae down in the disabled toilet. It wasn't hot when he had felt panic rising in his own chest. And just because it was a girl, it didn't make her not dangerous.

"I don't think it's hot." Phil said shaking his head in warning to Macca before turning back to his locker.

"You're too straight-laced Philly lad." Macca laughed and Phil sighed, he couldn't bring himself to brag about his not so straight-laced time in London even though sometimes he really wanted to. He thought that around the right people and at the right time he might brag a little. But now was not the time.

"Yeah that's me." Phil answered sourly, "Worried about a woman that we all know had a stalker last year and how she might react to something like this." Phil turned to look at Macca, "Aren't I the worst?" Finn furrowed his brows. He didn't like this; he was really glad to have Phil backing him up right now.

"Well…" Macca stammered, "Well when you put it like that…"

"When I put it like how it is?" Phil asked and Macca nodded, defeated.

"Yeah I s'pose." He looked away guiltily and Phil closed his locker, pulled some clothes on and headed out to the PE class without another word.

"That fucker got hardcore over the summer break." Macca said to Finn before following. Finn turned to his own locker to get changed.

"Fucking Dillip." He muttered slowly. "I hate that guy."

_'Teflon' by Jebediah_

Finn had the last two periods of Monday free and the lads had all decided to do an intense session at the boxing joint gym every Monday afternoon. They'd all made the girls promise to stick together when they walked to the gym to meet them, and they felt fairly confident that the girls would do so.

Chop and Finn got there first and changed quickly, ready to get to it. But seeing no Archie anywhere, they decided to wait and pass the time with Rhys, who was between clients. They decided that the time had finally come to rib their instructor about his love life.

"So Rhys man!" Chop grinned broadly, "Chloe hey?" He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"Yes?" Rhys replied deadpan.

"Getting some of that action!" Chop nodded and Finn shook his head and laughed at Chop.

"Yes." Rhys replied wiping sweat from his brow with a towel and starting to set for his next client.

"So how is Chloe?" Chop kept trying.

"Excellent." Rhys responded, aware of what they were trying to get out of him, and hiding a small grin.

"I don't think Rhys is a bragger Chop." Finn scrunched his nose.

"Not without a lot more alcohol under my belt." Rhys allowed the grin to show, "But mostly I don't brag." He added with an apologetic shrug.

"He's probably had so much pussy he don't need to brag." Chop said with an unimpressed face. Rhys pulled a face at him.

"Women are not just vaginas Chop." Rhys answered and continued to work through all the machines for his next client.

"I know." Chop said with a frown. He thought about making a crude joke about the other body parts they had but thought better of it.

"And I've had more male than female lovers… and quite a few intersex lovers too. And some who didn't-"

"Intersex?" Chop scrunched up his face and Rhys sighed.

"Go to a library Chop." He answered and shook his head.

"Yeah yeah." Chop muttered and looked to Finn to see if he knew what intersex meant and Finn shrugged. "Point is, you've had plenty of girly action!" Chop grinned and Rhys rolled his eyes.

"A lot more laddy action though." He replied.

"Aye but one o' your lady lovers was Elsa." Finn said with raised eyebrows, "That counts for like 400 lovers."

"More." Rhys answered with a slight grin and Chop and Finn laughed as Rhys shook his head, "I shouldn't have said that." He muttered.

"Oh so you'll brag about Elsa?" Chop asked and Rhys bit his bottom lip in consideration.

"I would too if I'd been there!" Finn laughed.

"Oh yeah!" Chop agreed. Rhys eyes them both carefully.

"It's quite an… experience… to be Elsa's lover." He said in measured tones, "It's quite a privilege. I learned a lot."

"I bet." Finn shook his head.

"You almost sound envious mate?" Chop asked with a surprised grin.

"Nah!" Finn said honestly, "I got Rae, and I'm learning plenty with her. But with Rae, it's through exploration. Which I love." He said firmly, "But with Elsa you'd learn a lot through schooling I imagine."

"Oh yes." Rhys agreed with a strange look in his eye. "I already knew quite a lot before I went to her. And we did explore together. But always she knew more." He smiled reminiscently, "If you ever have the opportunity and the privilege to be invited into her bed. Take it." Rhys said this with no hint of bragging, "Assuming that your personal circumstances allow for that." He added, "I forget you're both in monogamous relationships."

"What, and you're not?" Chop asked confused.

"No." Rhys answered.

"But Chloe… she deserves-"

"To have everything she wants." Rhys said with a happy grin, "So I'll oblige her as much as I humanly can." Chop looked confused but Finn nodded his head, understanding; he had looked up polyamorous after Elsa had told him that's what she was. He had a feeling Rhys and Chloe were embarking on something like that.

"Good for her." Finn answered supportively, "And you." He nodded. Rhys chuckled; he didn't need or seek anyone's support or approval, but Finn was so earnest he couldn't help but appreciate him.

"Thanks." He answered wryly.

"So are you still banging Elsa then?" Chop asked, still confused and very defensive of Chloe, "As well as Chloe?"

"No." Rhys answered slowly, "I haven't been in Elsa's bed since I decided to start pursuing Chloe."

"Hard bed to leave?" Finn asked tentatively and Rhys nodded slowly.

"Yes." He grinned, "And no." He sat down on the weights bench and looked at the philosophically, "It's not in my nature to close one door in order to open another. That's a metaphor Elsa gave me about the way both of our sexualities work." He scratched his arm slowly as he considered this, "I normally have multiple lovers. But Chloe is not yet comfortable with me sleeping with others. And I want Chloe. So I desist as she wishes. Which is easy enough to do for her."

"Well maybe she wants monogamy then mate, and you shouldn't try to push her into not having it." Chop said sternly and Rhys laughed. Chop gave him a dirty look, "What?"

"It's such a sign of male arrogance to think that it's always the men leading the way with sex." Rhys said with a grin, "This is Chloe's decision, not mine." Chop gave an unconvinced look and Rhys shrugged. "Perhaps, if Chloe ever decides I can, I'll go back to Elsa's bed on occasion." Rhys kept on grinning at Chop's unamused face, "But if not, then I have made my decision and I am comfortable with it at present. And Elsa won't miss me. She has many diversions; she'll hardly notice I'm gone."

"Wait so… Chloe wants to fuck other guys, and you're ok with that?" Chop asked incredulously.

"Should my fragile masculinity be threatened by it?" Rhys teased and Chop gave him another dirty look.

"It's not like that!" He answered.

"Then how is it?" Rhys asked seriously, "If Izzy needed to be with another man for a night to feel happy or complete, what would you do?" He asked sincerely and Chop scrunched up his face.

"I'd let her." Finn said softly, "I mean 'let' isn't the right word, it's not really up to me. I don't own Rae." Rhys turned his eyes to Finn and Chop sneered at him. Finn blushed slightly, "I mean… of course I'd prefer it if she didn't wanna do that. I'd like to be that special one, you know…" He narrowed his eyes in thought, "But lately I been thinking about that and… I am that special one. Even if I'm not the only one." He nodded his head slowly and Rhys smiled encouragingly, watching his friend come to terms with loving completely selflessly. "And no one can be everything to another person. That's just unhealthy. And I know we kinda expect that though, but it's a shite idea. Like you'll never need another person? That's not true. I love Rae, but she'd never be able to give me the kind of advice Rhys can. I need Rhys in my life." He nodded towards Rhys, "He gives me something Rae can't. There's always other people in your partner's life. They give them things that they need, emotional, mental… Rhys gives me physical things that Rae can't too. Why are we so hung up on sexual?" Finn asked with a shrug as if he was asking himself that too. "If I can handle that Chloe gives Rae an emotional thing that I can't… why am I caught up with the idea that someone else might be able to give her something sexual that I can't?" He shook his head, "Cos the emotional stuff matters a lot more to me than the sexual stuff… so why…?" He seemed so confused.

"Our society has a very strange relationship with sex." Rhys agreed, "And men are encouraged to rank themselves based on the women they own." Rhys shook his head, "We rank how attractive women are and think we're better men if we get a higher ranking women. We tell each other to keep our women in line… we treat them like objects… like trophies to confirm out manhood. Instead of like human beings with needs and feelings and desires." He looked back at Chop, "That's why our manhood is so threatened by the idea of another man in our territory." His eyes went to Finn, "That's why we have such a hang up on sex; we should be all they need. But we expect women to get emotional fulfilment elsewhere, from other women to be exact."

"But no one can fulfil everyone's needs." Finn said firmer, getting to grips with his thoughts. "I want to be able to be everything to her, and I'll always try to be the best I can for her. But… I understand that she needs other people in her life, and they each fulfil different roles for her." Finn said, "At the moment, none of those other people are for sex… and I do hope none of them ever are… but if she needs it… I… I'll always give her what she needs." He said slowly, really feeling what that meant in his guts. "She comes first." Rhys nodded slowly, indicating that he felt the same way about Chloe.

"I don't understand you two!" Chop shook his head, "There's no fucking way!" He told them, "If Izzy wants to fuck another guy, she can go be with him."

"Yeah but when Izzy kissed that lad, you forgave her." Finn reminded him.

"That were different. I were being a prat."

"Right so you forgive her for cheating if it's all about you, but not if it's about her?" Finn asked and Chop furrowed his brows.

"It's not cheating if you have an agreement beforehand." Rhys said and got up as he saw his client approaching, "It's not for everyone Chop. But it works for Chloe and me… Everyone should have the relationship that works for them." He greeted his client and Chop and Finn backed off, waiting for Archie to show.

"D'you really mean that shite?" Chop asked as they headed to the front of the boxing joint for a smoke.

"Yeah." Finn shrugged, "Don't worry; I'm confusing myself too." He shook his head. "It's like I feel like I should be pissed off about the idea of her being with someone else, but I'm not."

"D'you not love her anymore?" Chop asked as he lit a cigarette.

"Oh fuck Chop, I love her… I love her more than I love anyone or anything. She is… everything." He shook his head slowly, "I don't have words for how much I love her."

"So if Phil gave her a bit of the old in out, you wouldn't mind?" Chop handed him the lighter and Finn lit up.

"If she really needed to have that with him… I think I'd still be… pissy about it. But… not how I used to be." Finn said, "I would wonder what he could offer that I couldn't." Finn said honestly, "Cos I can't see a thing that he could do better than me. If she wanted to fuck Rhys I could understand that."

"Yeah I s'pose." Chop agreed glumly. And then Finn's head cocked to the side as a thought occurred to him.

"But maybe that's not why… maybe if it happens it's not because he can offer something different or something more or better… maybe it's cos she needs to be adored by lots of people." Finn considered this, "Maybe it's not about me and whether I'm good enough. Or Phil and whether he's better. Maybe it's about her and what she needs." He grinned. "Actually I know that's exactly what it's about. And I love her enough to give her whatever she needs, even if I don't like it, even if it's not me."

"You saying I don't love Izzy enough?" Chop asked defensively and Finn thought about this for a moment.

"No." He said gently, "Cos I know you'd do anything for her. Even if you don't." Finn told him.

"I'd feel like shit if Izzy needed another bloke in the sack." Chop said and Finn shrugged.

"It don't mean I'm not a good fuck, or you're not a good fuck." Finn answered, "Just that variety is the spice o' life."

"Are you really gonna do something like this?" Chop's top lip lifted in disgust.

"Probably not." Finn acknowledged, "I really don't think Rae would want to." He said honestly, "But if she did…" He shrugged, "we'd talk it through. We'd deal with it. I'd do what she needed… it wouldn't be a deal breaker."

"What if you wanted to?" Chop asked with a grin, "Like Elsa?" He suggested astutely and Finn furrowed his brows.

"At this point in my life Rae honestly offers everything I want sexually." Finn said, "So I have what I need. But if that changes… then… I'd like to know Rae loves me enough to at least discuss it with me, to go through it with me. You know?"

"It's fucking selfish that is." Chop shook his head, "Not willing to make sacrifices."

"It's the biggest sacrifice I've ever made in me whole life, Chop." Finn replied, "Sacrificing me own fucking ego for her." Chop considered this, "And how's it selfish? It's not like I'm gonna get myself a fucking harem or something and keep all the women in the world to myself." Finn shook his head. "It just means that if I ever needed to experience sex with another woman, and Rae was alright with it, then I'd be having me a one night stand." He shrugged. "We have lots of people in our lives that provide lots of different things to us… and I really think we both give each other everything we need sexually." He tried to soothe Chop, "But who knows what the future holds right?" He grinned, "I intend to be with Rae till the day I die. Maybe at 70 we'll have a threesome." Chop broke out in laughter and Finn chuckled.

"Fucking hell." Chop couldn't get his head around it. "I'm the vanilla one of the gang aren't I?" He said after a long time of struggling with it but not being able to accept the concept.

"Aye." Finn consoled and then gave him a grin, "But there's no shame in that. Vanilla's pretty fucking good too." He thought lustily about climbing on top of Rae and getting in her pants in the most vanilla sense possible. It had been so long since they'd had sex he'd quite happily do anything she asked right now to get inside of her. Finn quickly counted back: eleven days. He sighed and Chop gave him a questioning look and he shook his head. He wasn't even halfway through yet and he was dying. He had seriously thought about asking Rae to have sex even though she was bleeding, and then he'd felt like an utter bastard for not being more concerned about her cramping and how she felt about it and how much she was bleeding. He wiped his face slowly and tried to be patient and to set the ache for her body into his gut. Along with that ache he had the constant nagging at the back of his mind about his mother. He hadn't seen her on Sunday; she'd wanted to give them some time to get used to the idea of her being back. But she was coming over for dinner tonight; just her and dad. He and Rae were heading to her place. Was life supposed to just continue as it had before now? Is that what happened?

"You look a million miles away." Chop said and Finn shrugged.

"Got a million thoughts." He said honestly. "How's Izzy going, with everything?" He saw Chop scrunch his face thoughtfully and look down before sucking on his cigarette deeply. "Spit it out lad," Finn said and Chop nodded in response.

"It felt like I spent months… years even… sitting over her hospital bed while she were in a coma. Every night felt like a year Finn." Finn watched him swallow back the emotion of the memory. "When the doctors told me she'd only been unconscious for 17 days I couldn't believe it. It just didn't feel…" He shook his head and Finn wished he knew how to comfort him. "And now everyday feels like it only lasted a second." He turned his eyes to Finn, "It's like all my time with her is slipping away too quickly and I don't know what to do." Finn thought back to the conversation Rae and he had had about Izzy and Chop; that Izzy would end up leaving Chop if he didn't keep up with her.

"Well…" Finn frowned and tried to think of the right thing to say, "I guess you just gotta grab hold of every minute you do have then." He shrugged apologetically, knowing that what he'd said was totally inadequate.

"Yeah." Chop said thoughtfully. "Yeah, that's it, lad." He looked up across the parking lot.

"About time you fucking arse!" Chop called out and Finn looked up to see Archie running up to the centre, already in his work out gear, a bag slung over his shoulder.

"Sorry!" He grinned with no hint of a real apology. Finn looked at a fresh bruise forming along his jawline with an unimpressed expression.

"You're late cos you was fucking." He shook his head. The bruise looked painful, but Finn knew that in a few days it'd be gone; Archie and Tom seemed to have found the magic formula for getting rid of bruises quickly.

"Like you can fucking talk." Archie shot back with a slutty grin. Chop rolled his eyes and poked Archie's bruised jaw.

"OW! Fuck you!" Archie gave him a surprised look.

"That's for being late to our hardcore workout." Chop grumbled angrily, "And I thought you like that sort o' shit."

"I like getting pain from Tom, not you. It's just fucking weird from you…" Archie gave him a disgusted look and led the way into the boxing joint. Finn and Chop shared an amused grin before following him in.

"Right I gotta piss afore we start." Finn said and jogged off towards the bathrooms.

"Oh for fuck's sake!" Chop called after him angrily.

"Hey." Archie said softly and Chop turned to him, "Rae told me that Finn's mum is back, so he might be a bit fragile, yeah?"

"What d'you mean his mum's back?" Chop asked with a confused expression, "Where'd she go?"

"She left." And seeing the confused look on Chop's face not changing, he added, "Them… she left them…"

"Seriously?" Chop asked scandalised, "When?"

"Eight years ago, Chop." Archie said slowly.

"You're fucking jokin'?" Chop marvelled, "I didn't even know she were gone…?" He shook his head "He ain't had a mum the whole time I've known 'im and I never knew."

"Well he's very private about it." Archie tried to explain it away.

"Am I a bad friend?" Chop asked appalled.

"What?" Archie felt this sliding away from him quickly, "No!" He said firmly, "I only know cos I've known him long enough to have met her." Archie answered, "He's never really talked to me about it." Chop looked bewildered.

"Every time I been there I just thought she were working or something…" He shook his head. "I gotta get more nosy." He muttered, "So whose mum was it that died?"

"What?" Archie asked with a frown.

"His nan?"

"His father's mother…" Archie said as if Chop were stupid.

"Oh right!" Chop shook his head, "I forgot about his da." He sighed, "I though it were his mum's mum."

"No both of his mum's parents died when Finn was really young, before his mum left."

"How do you know all this fucking shite and I don't?" Chop complained, "Fucking hell." He muttered. "And what about his dad's dad?"

"He died a few years back." Archie kept his eye on the door to the bathroom.

"So Finn's got no grandparents anymore?" Chop asked and Archie shook his head, "And his mum's back after eight years where?"

"Dunno." Archie said with a shrug, "Don't know why she left, where she was or why she's back. Only that Rae told me to tell you to be fucking sensitive."

"Why the fuck she get you to tell me that?" Chop asked, "I'm more sensitive than a fucking trip wire Archer!"

"Bad analogy Chop." Archie had to physically stop himself from putting his face in his hands and shaking his head with a groan.

"Nah, listen, like, I didn't tell anyone that Izzy's period came back cos she didn't want anyone to fucking pressure her about her fertility!" He said as if to prove a point and Archie shook his head in disbelief at him.

"Chop…"

"Oh fuck!" Chop blasted and made an annoyed sound, "Right fucker don't tell no one." He pointed his finger at Archie and Archie nodded his head.

"Yeah I don't think it's me that you need to worry about telling someone."

"Oh fuck off." Chop mumbled as Finn approached. "I thought Tom were coming to this?"

"He'll be here a bit later."

"Where is that fucker? I never thought he'd skip out on a hard training session!"

"He got called out to a business having problems with their computers." Archie shrugged, "He said they probably haven't plugged in the monitors probably, so he'll be along soon." Archie shrugged. "He makes a packet selling and installing computers but most people know nothing about 'em and it drives him up the wall."

"D'you guys have one?"

"Not yet, but he thinks I'll need one for uni."

"Right lads." Finn said with a grin, "Let's get to it."

Chop was spotting Finn, enthusiastically banging on about how much Finn could bench press now and asking Archie to help him out when Tom came in looking cranky. He nodded to them and went to the change rooms.

"What's up his arse?" Chop asked.

"He hates computers." Archie shrugged, "It makes money, but it makes him cranky."

"He hates 'em but he's gonna get one for you?" Chop asked and Archie nodded his head with a grin.

"That's love innit?" Archie asked, his eye straying to the change room doors.

"Yeah." Chop agreed and gave Finn a glance. "That's love." Finn finished his set and sat up.

"Speaking of love… or rather unrequited love-"

"What'd that fucker do now?" Chop asked aggressively.

"What?" Finn asked confused.

"Phillip."

"Oh nothing." Finn said, "Rae got a love letter." He looked over at Rhys who was running through basic boxing moves with some twelve year old kid. He looked like the sort of troubled kid that Rhys would inevitably save. "Speaking of Philly, he thinks it's from a girl."

"Wow." Archie said and shook his head.

"Why does he know about it?" Chop asked.

"Oh I showed him."

"Why?" Chop asked with angry incredulity. "It's like you want him to take Rae, you get him involved in everything."

"Simmer down." Finn said with a frown, "I thought it were him at first."

"It probably is." Chop said adamantly and Finn shook his head.

"Not his style. Plus it smelled like floral perfume."

"Yeah." Archie nodded, "I don't think many lads at College rock the floral perfume."

"Well maybe he's gay?" Chop asked and Archie started to laugh, Finn shaking his head. "What?"

"There's so many things wrong with that sentence Chop." Finn answered as he went to pick up some dumbbells to do concentration curls.

"You what?" Chop asked scrunching his nose as he always did.

"If he's gay why is he sending a letter to Rae?" Finn asked and Chop made a small noise in the back of his throat.

"And have you ever notice me or Tom wearing a floral scent?" Archie asked pointedly and Chop admitted defeat with deflated shoulders.

"Alright."

"You worried?" Archie asked and Finn nodded.

"I think I'm destined to be in a permanent state of worry."

"At least till that Saul fucker's dead." Chop agreed as Tom approached, his blue eyes glued to Archie. He grabbed Archie aggressively and kissed him with so much sexual violence that Finn and Chop both felt like they were seeing a porno movie.

"Fucking hell." Chop averted his eyes as Finn lowered his. Without a word Tom let Archie go and went to load up a barbell to do squats. Archie looked stunned for a moment before a happy grin spread over his face.

"Sometimes his cranky moods can have its benefits." His eyes followed Tom as he started to do squats, the heavy weights across his shoulders, his back straight and a look of concentration on his face. Chop turned to look at Tom while Archie and Finn continued with concentration curls; Chop hated weight training and always did half the workout the other lads did. He liked to box, the rest of it was boring. Rhys always told him he lacked the discipline to be truly great at it, even though he had talent. Chop knew he was right but he just couldn't bring himself to do that repetitious shit over and over again. He watched Tom dipping down low and pushing hard to get back up, the barbell bowing under the weight he'd stacked at each end. He grunted with the effort and Chop heard a slight groan of sympathy, and probably lust from Archie. He looked back at Archie, struggling to keep up with Finn, but determined to do the same number of repetitions, even if it was at a much lower weight. Chop looked back at Tom, his eyes scanning his body thoughtfully, resting upon his round pert arse for some time before Tom spoke.

"You checking out my arse Chop?" Archie turned to see Chop nodding his head slowly and Finn just shook his head and focussed on his work out.

"Aye I am." Chop grinned and Tom furrowed his brows slightly, pushing up out of the deep squat with a loud grunt.

"Why?" Tom asked before dipping back down, his quadriceps bulging beautifully with the effort. Finn got up to do some overhead triceps extensions and noticed the bruising on Tom's upper thighs, just poking out from the hem of his shorts. He looked back to the bruise on Archie's smiling face and thought back to a time when all of this was new to him. He was glad it wasn't anymore; he preferred the way his mind was now. More open, more accepting.

"Well I check out Rae's tits so I can tell Finn how good they are." He shrugged, "They're one of me mates favourite body parts on her." He explained as Tom continued to do his squats. "And I know Archie likes your arse, so I figured I'd better have a look so next time we chat, I can tell him you got a nice one the next time we're all drinking." Archie laughed and Finn grinned in appreciation for Chop.

"Oh right." Tom said and Finn's eyes fell to those bruises gain. He found himself wanting Rae to leave marks on him like that. He thought about Rae calling him Tom junior and sighed internally. And then looked back at the bruises on the back of Tom's thighs and the internal sigh became a little wistful and very desirous.

"You're a top mate Chop." Archie grinned.

"I know!" Chop laughed.

"Right so are you gonna perve on Archer for me so you can comment to me about the bits of him I like most?" Tom asked with a cheeky grin, "Cos I'll be there the next time you're drinking." Chop scrunched up his nose.

"Yeah I s'pose." He said and gave a quick look to Archie, "You like his eyes most?" Chop asked and Tom gave him a surprised look.

"Yeah." He grinned, "And his cock."

"Hey steady on!" Chop laughed. Finn finished up with the dumbbells as Tom slipped the barbell to the ground carefully and Rhys joined them; his hour with that client finished.

"Well you can carry on Chop." Tom said and turned to bend to get some water, giving Chop the full view.

"Alright!" Chop laughed, "Leave off." Finn watched Tom as he straightened up and a thought suddenly struck him.

"Oi Tom, how much do you weigh?" Finn asked and Tom looked at him with surprise.

"I dunno I haven't weighed myself in a while." Finn turned his eyes to Rhys and Rhys, already understanding where Finn was going with this nodded slowly.

"He'll do nicely." Rhys agreed softly so that only Finn could hear him, "Although the weight is distributed differently. And he is a bit taller than her."

"Yeah but it still gives me a good idea of how close I am to me goal." Tom looked at them both with confusion.

"What?"

"Come jump on me like I'm about to fuck you up against a wall." Finn said and opened his arms to Tom who stared at him in disbelief. A moment of silence passed.

"What?" Tom asked and Rhys made a small noise of amusement.

"You heard me." Finn said and motioned for him to do it. Tom blinked slowly at him and turned to look at Archie for some sort of explanation. Chop started to chuckle, shaking his head.

"We're a fucking fucked up group o' wankers." He laughed.

"Alright then." Tom said bracingly when no explanation was forthcoming and Archie grinned bemusedly at him. "But I have to tell you Finn this might cause boners for both of us." Finn shrugged.

"Get on me!" He laughed and Tom grinned like a jackal at him, nodding happily. Tom walked over to him and put his hands on Finn's shoulders and jumped up, wrapping his legs around Finn's waist. Finn felt the weight of him and knew he wasn't quite ready yet.

"Get him against the wall!" Rhys ordered and Finn took a few steps before slamming Tom's back into the wall, eliciting a gasp from Tom.

"That helps!" Finn laughed.

"Now while I do like it rough Mr Nelson, a boy does like a meal before getting fucked." Tom said in a serious voice as Finn tried shifting Tom's weight around, "And I really do wanna know why we're fucking me up against a wall?" Tom asked as he looked over at Archie, seeing his head cocked to one side, clearly getting ideas.

"Cos it's something I've always wanted to do." Finn said brusquely, "Now move around a little, see if I can handle it."

"Rae!" Archie suddenly realised and Tom looked over at him, realisation coming to him.

"We're similar weights." Tom said with a grin. "Got it!" He started to move his hips slightly Finn pulling a face as Tom's moving body threw the balance out and he nearly dropped him. Tom bounced himself a little and Finn lost his grip and dropped Tom, but Tom pushed his back into the wall and tightened his legs around Finn's wait, holding himself up with a cheeky grin. Finn chuckled and rubbed his own shoulders slightly.

"Thanks Tom." Finn said, "I didn't wanna drop Rae, you know?" Tom nodded.

"You should teach her to do this though." Tom said, "There's things she can do to help you with this little endeavour." He jumped off Finn easily, his muscled body moving with grace and ease.

"I'm almost there." Finn said happily and Rhys nodded.

"Don't slack off now." Rhys said and tapped the floor with his foot, "Push ups." Finn groaned and started to get on the floor but Rhys shook his head and turned to Archie, "Want a human chair?" He asked making Finn groan louder as he assumed the position and Archie carefully sat on his back, Finn hardly able to hold the weight. "Ten narrow, ten normal, ten wide." Rhys said with no sympathy for Finn's straining face. In response Finn gritted his teeth and began, determined to do as Rhys said.

"You're such a hard-arse Rhys!" Tom laughed as he watched Finn struggle for a moment before turning to set the barbell for some deadlifts.

"Yeah you'd know.' Rhys shot back and Tom gave him an appreciative grin before lifting the weight. Archie decided he was going to try and match Finn's workout, cos that fuck against the wall looked good. Chop dropped to the floor and started to do some pushups.

"Lazy form." Rhys told him and put his foot on Chop's arse to push it down into proper alignment. Chop groaned with the added effort but decided to stick with it.

"How many?" He asked and Rhys gave him a grin.

"40 of each."

"Why the fuck did I ask." Chop muttered as he got to it. Chop always did the workouts Rhys gave him, no matter what they were. Rhys had thirty minutes until his next client so he stayed and pushed his two lads hard, Archie joining in as Tom continued his own workout; he still worked out alone for the most part. Tom being so accustomed to being alone had been one of the issues in their relationship. He often acted unilaterally, he did things alone and Archie sometimes had to remind him that it didn't work that way anymore. But Archie could see Tom improving all the time; even today, Tom would usually not even talk to other people while he worked out, but he was learning to open up to others more.

"Rhys," Chop asked as he strained through the narrow pushups; by far his weakest pushup. "Don't you just wanna smash the fuck outta Ian?" Chop asked. "Fuck I wanna beat the crap outta him and Chloe's not even my girl!" Archie, copying Finn's workout considered this; he wanted to give Ian a few punches too. And Saul. All eyes turned to Rhys as he considered this.

"I don't think it would be wise for me to even spend five minutes alone with that… person." He said the last word thickly. The four men looked at him understanding completely, "I'd kill him."

"And then you'd go to jail." Archie said with a grim look.

"And then I'd have denied Chloe the pleasure of kicking the living shit out of him." Rhys replied with a small grin, "She'll take him down. And all of those fuckers that laid a hand on her. She'll take 'em all down." Rhys saw his next client coming and gave them all a farewell before heading outside to jog with him; it was Ash, he liked to run as well as box.

"He is a serious motherfucker sometimes." Archie watched him go.

"You should try fucking him." Tom laughed, "He takes that fucking seriously." He grinned appreciatively, "Thankfully."

"But seriously." Chop said finishing up and rubbing his triceps painfully, "How was Rhys in the sex shows?" Chop looked so curious that Tom gave him a strange look, "Cos he's just so… serious!"

"Yeah but you've seen he has this other side too." Finn said, "Plus he's…" Finn furrowed his brows, "There's layers with him."

"He is very passionate." Tom said slowly, his eyes flitting to Archie, but Archie shrugged indifferently so he continued, "very sexual, very sensual." Tom considered the sex shows for a moment, "He was incredible on that stage." Tom started to do military presses, his mind now focused on his form and the way his muscles felt.

"What were it like at the show?" Chop asked, "bloke to bloke?" Finn considered the question for a moment, pausing from his sit ups for a moment.

"It was like all the seven deadly sins were in the one room." He grinned, "And I got to have 'em all." Archie chuckled at that explanation.

"More like seven deadly funs!" Chop answered.

"It'd be seven deadly fun wouldn't it?" Finn asked, "Funs isn't a word is it?" Archie watched as Finn and Chop turned their eyes to him. But Archie didn't get chance to answer.

"D'you reckon I'd hate it?' Chop asked and Finn shook his head.

"No. But you really wouldn't like some of it." Finn said, "And you'd worry about Izzy for most of it."

"You didn't like all of it." Chop answered resolutely and Finn nodded.

"Yeah but I didn't care." He said, "Like I don't care that I saw a bird pissing on a guy. I figure if that's their thing, good for them." He shrugged, "and she also kicked another guy in the nuts." Finn said, "Hard." He watched Chop and Archie pull painful faces of sympathy for a guy they'd never met. "But you know…" Finn shrugged again, "Consenting adults."

"It's no one's business." Archie agreed, feeling this acutely because he'd had so many people trying to get into his sex life; the lecture he'd gotten from his sister recently had been particularly irksome.

"I wanna go to one." Chop said firmly as Finn got up to head to the chin up bar.

"You gotta talk to Rhys." Finn answered, "I don't have invite privileges."

"I'm not gonna ask him." Chop frowned hesitantly.

"Give it time Choppy Chop." Archie grinned, "He'll invite you in good time."

Finn was exhausted but happy with how hard he'd pushed his body today. He'd done a heavy weight training session followed with a nice hard punching session with first Chop then Archie, who had improved incredibly; Tom really was a good instructor. His sexual frustration had been belted out on the bag for a good long while to finish off.

After his experience with those lads that threw the coke can at Rae, Finn had decided to pursue a fuller training schedule under Rhys's guidance, including monthly visits to Gus and Petra, meaning that he was training most days of the week now, and once a fortnight on a Saturday morning he was going to Gus or Petra with Rhys; he couldn't afford much more. He'd felt pretty lucky that Gus had decided to take him on in the end; that man meant business and he'd bloodied everyone's noses several times last week. Finn smashed him hard in the face after he bloodied Rae's nose and Gus had chuckled and said that was more like it, that he enjoyed breaking a spirited fighter and putting the pieces back together to make a great fighter. As far as Finn knew most of the gang were heading up to Petra once or twice a month and all of them were continuing training with Rhys or Tom.

Tom had already done his half day at the boxing joint this morning, so he was free for the rest of the afternoon now that he'd finished with his computer client. He and Archie decided to sprint home and violently fuck. Rhys still had two more clients to see before he could head home. So Chop and Finn found themselves alone in the change rooms after having watched Tom and Archie run off, Tom smacking Archie's arse and telling him he was gonna pound him hard. Chop's face was scrunched up as he undressed.

"Don't you think it's weird that Archie's the one warning us off anal sex?" Chop chuckled and shook his head. But Finn gave him a serious look.

"He's not warning us off anal sex, he's warning us off doing something that our girls probably don't wanna do." He furrowed his brows, "All that drunk bragging and… I think I been pushing Rae too much." His tongue went to the back of his teeth for a while, worrying at the gums as he thought it through. "She's definitely not as into it as I am." He said slowly.

"So it's not gonna happen for either of us then." Chop accepted it with a shrug, "Always knew it." He headed towards the shower, Finn following in thought.

"I mean, I did…"

"Did what?" Chop asked as he put his shampoo down on the floor and turned on the shower.

"I did get a finger up there."

"Holy fuck." Chop said surprised, "Really?" Finn nodded with a slight grin. "Was it… was it good?"

"Yeah." Finn said, "It felt real nice in there. Very tight." Finn put the shower on, "It's like a really smooth tunnel for a wee bit and then it opens up a bit inside… different to a vagina that's for sure."

"Huh." Chop answered in awe. "And you still think you're not gonna fuck her up there?" Chop asked seriously.

"No I don't think so cos… well…" Finn furrowed his brows, "She said I could, if I'd let her finger my arse." Chop's scrunched up face fell into a serious look of concerned confusion.

"Wait… so the deal is if you take a finger up yours… you can fuck her arse?" He got his head around it for a moment. "Fuck man, do it." He said eventually and started to soap up his armpits. "I'd fucking do it!"

"It's not really that." Finn said, "If she's doing stuff like that, it means she's trying to slow me down… so…"

"So she don't want to do it." Chop nodded slowly, getting it.

"Aye." Finn answered with a philosophical smile. "Oh well." He scrunched up his nose, "It were fucking nice getting as far as I did!" He chuckled and Chop grinned.

"You got farther than I ever will."

"You really don't think Izzy'll go for it?"

"I don't think we'll ever get dirty enough to be hanging with the A-league you know what I mean?" He chuckled, "She's only just starting to open up to rough sex." Chop shrugged, "Which is fine, I'm more vanilla than I thought, it turns out." He said with an accepting grin.

"She's starting exploration Chop. What make you think it'll stop before anal?"

"Cos even though she cums like a fucking harlot on top and she knows I love it when she's up there, she still gets shy and self-conscious riding me."

"Girls are fucking weird with coming." Finn nodded slowly, "Like I can cum in any position, but Rae definitely cums more in some than in others."

"Does she like it on top too?" Chop grinned, clearly loving it when Izzy climbed on top.

"Yeah, but she cums best when we go with me behind."

"Oh fuck man, I can't make Izzy cum at all really in that position." Chop shook his head.

"Yeah behind can be hard to gauge it all properly, but I just tell her to get louder for me if I'm struggling to figure out where she's at."

"Oh fuck I wish!" Chop laughed, "Izzy gets worried that the neighbours can hear us. Can't make her cum no matter what I do if she hears one of 'em banging about next door."

"Rae gets a little turned on by the thought of getting caught or of people seeing and watching." Finn grinned.

"Fuck she's a deviant." Chop laughed.

"Aye she is." Finn answered fondly.

"But less of a deviant than you." Chop said astutely and Finn nodded.

"Yeah but that's alright innit?" He scrunched his nose, "doesn't make me love her less."

"So you gonna buy that girl a ring Finlay?" Chop started to shampoo his hair.

"Seriously?" A voice came from one of the other showers and Finn and Chop's jaws both dropped as they turned to look in the direction of the voice, coming from the showers that were around the corner. "All you guys ever talk about is fucking your girlfriends and now you're gonna start talking about marriage?" Whoever he was he sounded unimpressed, "it's a locker room, not a fucking family gathering!"

_'Just a Girl' by No Doubt_

"So tell me why the fuck we're doing this?" Chloe flicked through the book with an unimpressed air.

"You didn't have to come!" Izzy said grumpily as she looked through another book, her brows furrowed. They all knew that Izzy's grumpiness was not aimed at Chloe; she was just exhausted after her chemo injection yesterday.

"Yeah, are you sure you're good to be out?" Rae asked with sympathy and Chloe shook her head.

"Don't do that." Chloe said softly, "I only just started not feeling like a victim."

"Sorry." Rae lowered her eyes.

"No it's not you Rae." Chloe put her arms around Rae, "I'm sorry babe. I'm just… I'm not gonna let him take back what I've gained these past few months, you know?" She looked down at the book, "I've felt like my body was a crime scene, and Rhys helped me pull that fucking crime scene tape down." She looked Rae in the eye, willing her to understand, "I'm not gonna let Ian put it back up."

"It's not that easy though is it?" Rae said astutely and Chloe lowered her eyes and shook her head.

"No." She admitted, "It's not just as easy as refusing to be affected. I were right bitch to Rhys… and I haven't had sex since." She looked at the shelves of books at the store. "But I'm determined Rae." Chloe said, "Rhys says I have to let myself feel whatever I feel and be kind to myself. Be gentle. Rather than try to force myself to be alright. But I'm so done with this shite, you know?"

"Aye I do." Rae nodded.

"I just want it done. I want to be over it already." She sighed loudly.

"Having that arsehole about won't help." Izzy said sympathetically, "Can we just make him disappear?" Chloe grinned.

"Any word from the fuzz?" Rae asked and Chloe shook her head, "but mum and dad called them angrily this morning demanding that Ian be arrested, so…"

"So they freaked out?" Rae asked and Chloe nodded.

"Yeah, mum wants to get bars put on all the windows and she told me to never leave Rhys's side."

"Wow." Izzy answered, "I thought your parents didn't like-"

"It's dad that's got the real problem with Rhys." Chloe shrugged, "But even if they don't like him, they figure he'd be able to beat the shit out of Ian." She shrugged, "I'm yet to tell them that I intend to be the one beating the shit out of that piece of garbage."

"Have they had him over for dinner yet?" Izzy asked and Chloe shook her head. Izzy scrunched her nose in understanding, "My parents were like that with Chop." She looked back at the book, "Is it worse to hate poor people or to hate black people?" Izzy asked.

"If it's a competition about whose parents are worse Izzy, I think mine win, cos they hate both." Chloe grinned ruefully. Izzy groaned and shook her head.

"Dad stopped hating Chop the minute he knew he weren't poor. Pisses me off." Chloe gave Izzy a sympathetic grin.

"Well I don't see a similar situation happening for my folks and Rhys." Chloe responded, trying to tone down the cynicism in her voice. "But you know, I'll just do a Tom if I have to." Chloe said with a shrug.

"Do a Tom…" Rae shook her head, "Finn said something similar recently."

"I think we're all impressed with what he did for Archie." Izzy said, "The more I think about it…" She shook her head, "What a man."

"Why's Finn gonna do a Tom?" Chloe asked, "Isn't his dad pretty stellar?"

"I don't think his mum likes me very much." Rae responded slowly.

"Oh shit… I thought she…?" Chloe looked confused, "Didn't she leave?" Rae nodded her head.

"She's back." Rae said in a sing-song voice reminiscent of the little girl in poltergeist.

"I think you don't like her." Izzy noted that tone and Rae scrunched up her nose.

"I guess we just got real comfortable and she… kinda changes things."

"But maybe for the better?" Izzy said hopefully and Rae nodded.

"Don't get me wrong, she seems very sincere and…"

"But why the fuck has she been gone for so long?" Chloe asked astutely and Rae tried to not just agree with Chloe.

"I'm sure she has reasons." Rae answered even-handedly.

"Bullshit." Chloe answered, "Finn's her son. They'd wanna be real good reasons, you know what I'm I'm saying?"

"Aye." Rae frowned and Izzy decided she needed to save the mood by changing the topic.

"Anyway, we girls are getting hardly any time away from the lads since Simmy said-"

"I don't think he'll do anything." Chloe shrugged, "All bark and no bite." Rae nodded her head.

"Oh aye!" She chuckled, "he's like a little yapping dog."

"And I reckon we could all kick his arse." Chloe added.

"And since we three girls are finally getting some us time!" Izzy ploughed on as if no one else had spoken, "I'd like to declare that I have decided to have anal sex and that is why we're here Chloe." She held up a book by Tristan Taormino called 'The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women.' Chloe scrunched up her nose.

"Those two fuckers were scheming on how to get you two girls to do this." Chloe shook her head, "What about what you two want?" She asked imperiously.

"I wanna try it." Izzy replied. "Didn't you like it Chlo?"

"Not really." She shrugged. "I mean I didn't hate it, it was nothing really… hurt when he shoved it in… and then it was just…" She shrugged, "I didn't get any pleasure from it."

"What about you Rae?" Izzy asked and Rae shrugged.

"Haven't done it and Finn seems to have lost interest in doing it." She furrowed her brows, suddenly worried that when he'd fingered her anus he'd been grossed out.

"What's that look for?" Chloe asked and Rae gave a shrug.

"We kinda almost got there, but he just… he just stopped." Chloe sighed loudly.

"Well I think if either of them wanna put something up your arse, you should get to put something up theirs!" Chloe declared and Izzy started to giggle. "What?" Chloe laughed, "I mean it!"

"Could you imagine Chop?" Izzy laughed, "He'd never do that!" Chloe shrugged.

"Then he doesn't get to make you do it!" Chloe picked up a copy of the book Izzy had in her hands.

"Yeah but I want to." Izzy said, "I know it's supposed to be some big male fantasy… but… well since we talked about it, I've been thinking about it more and more." She looked worried that they might judge her. "Does it make me a bad person that I wanna try it? Am I a slut?"

"No!" Chloe answered firmly Rae, joining in with the outraged reply.

"Absolutely not!"

"It's just… you two don't seem so into it…" She lowered her eyes.

"Well Iz," Rae said slowly, "I have been warming up to the idea since we got close to doing it."

"Close how?" Chloe asked and at the same time Izzy asked;

"What made you stop?"

"Um… well close… as in he fingered me… there." Rae said feeling her cheeks burn and Chloe started to giggle with Izzy.

"Did you like it?" Izzy asked.

"Well… yeah." Rae answered still surprised. "It made me want him to fuck me so bad though. Like me vag was just… gagging for it." Chloe and Izzy scrunched their noses considering that and Izzy turned her eyes to Chloe who shook her head.

"Nope. Nothing." Chloe replied to her unasked question.

"So I wanna try it too now." Rae said, "But Finn…" She shrugged, "I dunno what's happened he's not pushing anymore." She furrowed her brows, "like he was never overly demanding. He just kinda made suggestions and we'd let it flow from there. But now; nothing."

"Maybe he's happy like it is now." Izzy said with a grin and Rae looked over at Chloe who shrugged indicating she had no answer.

"Talk to him babe." Chloe added.

"Oh right and how do I approach this topic?" Rae sighed when neither Chloe nor Izzy seemed to have an answer for her and picked up a copy of the book Izzy had taken a liking to. "Myths about anal sex." She read from the table of contents, skimming the myths until she found one that was pertinent. "Women don't like anal sex." Rae said and skimmed the answer to this myth, "It says that the general stereotype is that it's a male fantasy and that men beg women until they give in and that the women don't really like it." Rae said, "But in reality a lot of women like to be fucked in the ass; this is an American book!" They started to chuckle as all three of them read through the anal sex myths.

"I need to hear an American accent from you now girl!" Chloe laughed and Rae put on her best New York accent and read the next myth that caught her eye.

"The ass is an exit only, it's not an erogenous zone." They all started to giggle as Rae tried to read on in her accent, "It's true that the anus and rectum…" They dissolved into fits of giggling Rae not able to keep reading. After a while they settled down. "Why are the words anus and rectum so hilarious?" Rae's sides hurt from laughing.

"It's not those words." Chloe said, "it's those words in that accent you was doing!"

"Hey look," Izzy said hopefully, "The ass…" She scrunched her nose at that word, "Arse, " She corrected, "is full of sensitive responsive nerve endings." She grinned, "So it could be fun to have anal sex."

"Or painful." Chloe added.

"It says they can be intensely pleasurable and orgasmic." Izzy opened her eyes wide with surprise.

"It said in one of me magazines that it can be really good for some women and it can also be really not good for others." Chloe shrugged.

"We're all different." Rae had been learning this a lot over the past year.

"D'you know girls." Chloe said, "Since we know Chop and Finn was talking about this the last time we was at your place Iz, I reckon we should conspire to get some anal for real." Chloe said. "Get some pegging in!" She chuckled.

"Or just a finger." Rae grinned and Izzy bit her bottom lip.

"There's no way Chop'll do it." Izzy shook her head.

"So convince him." Chloe grinned, "Plant the seeds. Isn't that what guys do to girls all the time?" Izzy and Rae exchanged a look and Chloe shrugged. "Let's breach the impenetrable, heterosexual, male arsehole, ladies!"

"I'm gonna lose this competition!" Izzy sighed.

"And I automatically win it, cos my lad's queer as they come." Chloe grinned, "So I shall abstain from participating."

"No way!" Rae told her, "It might be easier for you to get something up his arse, but I reckon you have to do it too!" And Izzy nodded vehemently in agreement.

"You both know I could have a giant dildo up his arse tonight, right?" Rae and Izzy shrugged in reply.

"Do it and tell us how to do it." Izzy said excitedly.

"Probably tells you how to do it in the book!" Chloe laughed and checked the table of contents again, "Here it is; anal pleasure for men!"

"Did you see this?" Rae asked with shock, "Double anal penetration."

"Oh fuck no!" Chloe laughed in horror.

"Enemas?" Izzy read through the contents with a scrunched up face, "There's definitely some things I'm just not in to." She shook her head.

"You're there worrying about enemas and we're freaking out about two cocks up your arse!" Chloe laughed and Izzy shrugged.

"I have thought about two penises in me vagina and how that would feel." Rae and Chloe's jaws dropped and Izzy blushed, "I'd never do it!" She said hurriedly, "it's just… I like the way I feel full, you know?" She lowered her eyes, "So I've thought about… having three guys and… you know…"

"Holy fuck Izzy!" Rae chuckled.

"Am I a slut?" Izzy asked in a small terrified voice.

"No, really no!" Chloe said, "I've had similar thoughts, you know, more than one lad." Chloe turned her eyes to Rae and Rae nodded.

"That AFL match." Rae answered with a lusty voice and Chloe and Izzy groaned in lusty sympathy.

"Oh my god yes!" Chloe laughed, "The whole team! First and second year!"

"That's actually where I had the idea for the first time." Izzy confessed.

"I'm not surprised." Rae understood.

"Yeah." Chloe agreed with a lusty look. "There'll be another match this year and I so wish Rhys were playing!"

"Yeah Rae gets to watch Finn again."

"Aye I do!" She grinned happily, "But unfortunately he won't be slamming Phil." Chloe chuckled.

"That were pretty sexy." Chloe admitted, "Those two lads…" She shook her head slowly.

"I'd love to see Chop smashing into people and rolling around and jumping up on people's backs… instead o' screaming in the stand and spitting pie everywhere." She sighed. "On the plus side, the regional football team is starting up again! Might watch that."

"I can't." Rae frowned, "I got work on Tuesdays after school and Saturday mornings." She pulled a disgusted face.

"Well I will be, and having my orgy fantasies." Izzy grinned.

"Do the lads get on with each other or just you?" Chloe asked.

"Mostly me." Izzy grinned, "But they do get it on together a little bit." She bit her bottom lip and giggled.

"It's official girls; us three are dirty perverts." Rae put an arm over each of their shoulders, "Incorrigible,"

"Irredeemable." Chloe added.

"Unstoppable." Izzy giggled happily.

"Harlots." Rae finished up with a grin.

"Good." Izzy said, "You know what?" She asked Chloe and Rae, "I'm sick of thinking that being a slut is a bad thing." She said, "I want sex." She declared loudly, a couple of customers looking over, "And that's not a bad thing, so why do I get called names for that?" She jutted her chin, imitating Chloe, "Sometimes I fancy a bit of really dirty sex." She said, "And I've got nothing to be ashamed about."

"Preaching to the choir, Iz." Chloe laughed.

"Aye I don't need convincing either." Rae agreed.

"No but I do." Izzy said softly, "I feel like I'm supposed to be the good girl for everyone." She looked down at the anal sex book, "The sweet innocent little sister of the gang." She looked back up at them, "I'm sick of it. I wanna let loose a bit." She picked up a few more sex books defiantly and headed to the counter. Rae looked at the anal sex book and checked the cost, deciding to pick it up too. Chloe shrugged and pocketed her hands, following the girls to the checkout where Izzy was flushed red with embarrassment as the male checkout worker tallied up the sale. Rae was blushing with a female one and Chloe chuckled as she just headed straight past them both to wait outside for them. After Rae and Izzy tucked their purchases safely in their school bags, they linked arms and strolled slowly towards the boxing joint; laughing and ignoring the looks they got.

_'Enjoy The Silence' by Depeche Mode_

The girls sat outside the boxing joint laughing and waiting for their lads to finish up. A group of seven lads sat on the low brick wall nearby eyeing them off, slowly speaking louder and louder, trying to draw the girl's attention. A couple came over to offer them cigarettes but when all three girls declined, they dropped all pretence and started to try and chat them up.

"Fuck off." Chloe said in a bored tone and tried to turn back to the girls but they insisted, loudly speaking over the top of them. One of them sat down next to Rae and she shrunk away, Chloe moving over so she could move away from him. Izzy was about to suggest they went inside when the rest of the guys came over and circled them, just chatting and being friendly according to them. The three girls looked at each other, wondering if they should try punching them to make them leave, but not liking being outnumbered more than two to one. None of them felt that confident about their skills yet.

"Fuck off!" Izzy said louder when one of them sat next to her.

"Don't be bitches, we're just trying to get to know you." One of them said. To look at, they were all relatively fit lads, but all three girls hated the way they had approached them so much, that even if they had been single they would be telling them to fuck off. The lad sitting next to Rae put a hand on her upper thigh and she pushed him back.

"Don't fucking touch any of us!" She spat loudly.

"Oh fuck off you fat bitch; as if!" He snarked.

"Yeah ten seconds ago you was trying to get in me pants!" Rae said with a disgusted look and the lads hollered about her being feisty. "Yeah I think you'll find I'm so feisty I'll rip the fucking nuts off any of you that touch me." Rae shot back. Things were starting to get even uglier when a shadow fell over them, the lads looking up and seeing Rhys glaring down at them. They looked nervously at him.

"Can we help you mate?"

"You lost?" They asked him. He didn't say a word, his eyes went to Chloe and she shrugged.

"I don't feel like violence today." She said softly, not wanting him to get in any trouble for her, and Rhys nodded.

"Leave." He said just one word, with such menace that the lads immediately got up and left. He watched them go and turned back to Chloe, "You alright?" He asked, understanding why they hadn't gotten physical with repelling the lads.

"Been better." Chloe shook her head and Rhys looked to Izzy and Rae who indicated similar sentiments. Rhys did not sit, he stood with them, waiting for Finn and Chop to come, refusing to leave Rae and Izzy alone.

"We need to start all three of you on multiple attacker scenarios." He said evenly. Chloe had already done a few sessions with Tom and Archie but she knew she needed more.

"Please!" She said excitedly and Rhys started to plan slowly increasing their lessons with them; Rae and Izzy were not attending as regularly as Chloe and their progress was slower, but they were still determined to learn and Rhys had promised Rae, when she had called one night at 2 in the morning crying that she hated her fat body and wanted to starve herself, that he would not give up on her even if she did. When she had asked him to never give up on her, he had made that promise without hesitation; he cared very deeply for Rae and would do all he could to aid her in her recovery. He also cared very deeply for Finn, and he knew that Finn felt better having his backing. Izzy was harder to predict or help. Sometimes she was fiercely committed to doing this, but at other times she was totally fed up with routine and practice. He understood her restlessness; she had tasted death, she was desperate to live and to put as much distance between herself and death as possible. But those lads harassing them had convinced Izzy to take it more seriously, for now.

It was another ten minutes before Finn and Chop came out laughing and joking about some guy in the shower. When they all looked at them with confused faces they'd just shook their heads and burst out laughing, unable to explain the situation without embarrassing the hell out of themselves.

They said their farewells and Rae and Finn headed home on the scooter.

The afternoon had gone exactly as expected; they'd picked up Aiesha from Alice, done homework at the kitchen table, Finn cooking dinner in between study. They'd eaten with Linda before heading upstairs at about 7:00pm. They'd studied for a bit, then as expected, Rae had begun to torture him. She spent an hour bringing him almost to the point of orgasm several times and then stopping; he didn't want to cum if she couldn't cum. Towards the end he'd nearly begged her to let them fuck, he'd nearly told her he didn't care about the blood. But the truth was he did; not in terms of sex or being grossed out, but in terms of her health, he still fretted about blood loss. He lectured himself for putting his dick before her comfort, health, needs and wants. But then he could hardly be expected to not be gagging for it with a girlfriend like her. He'd been in a constant state of arousal for over a year now. He wasn't always erect, but his nerve-endings were always ready to respond to her in a second, his mind was always mulling over her body and what they could do together, even as he thought about other things, it was always in the back of his mind. He never knew a person could become so hyper-aroused, but it didn't worry him; he couldn't see a way that it could be any other way. He'd worry if he became less aroused by her because it made perfect sense to him that he'd be like this. She was too perfect for words, he couldn't even process it. They'd just been drying themselves after making out in the shower for quite some time, Finn's body starting to ache from being hard so long, and from the heavy workout he'd done, when they heard the door slam downstairs. Karim was home, and he was very happy to be home. Rae rolled her eyes as they heard giggling on the stairs and then the door to Linda and Karim's room slam shut. Aiesha was sleeping like a trooper now, doing the whole night with no troubles every night now; everyone was very happy for this improvement in sleeping patterns. The good thing was, having been in such a loud house for so long, not much woke her up when she really got to sleeping. So when Rae put the music on to drown out her mother's loud giggling, Aiesha slept through the noise and Rae and Finn were able to settle into bed in each other's arms happily. They'd been chatting a lot lately about universities, what they'd do about locations and flats or living on campus and they'd been going around in circles, but couldn't stop talking about it until a decision was made. But not tonight. Tonight they laid together silently.

Finn felt that there was nothing outside of this room; there was no world if it was not this very moment with her in his arms. Her fingers curling around his gently, her breath tickling his skin.

Rae felt that this was the stuff of life. To be in his arms, to hear his heartbeat as she lay her head on his chest happily, his fingers gently stroking her hair. This is what life was made of.

_'I Wanna be Your Boyfriend' by The Ramones_

Tuesday morning saw Rae sitting alone on the floor in the hall, waiting for drama to start. She'd had a free period beforehand and had finished off her English essay already; she was on top of everything, but only by being intense about getting her homework done. Happily, Finn was right there with her, working his arse off and keeping pace with her frenetic work ethic.

"You got a free now?" Phil asked as he walked in.

"Alright Phil." She grinned, "Aye I do. You too huh?"

"Nah, I just couldn't handle listening to Campbell banging on for one minute longer so I feigned illness." He grinned cheekily. He'd been hoping to find the hall deserted so he could go over his dada monologue. But he much preferred finding her in here.

"Phil, what has gotten into you?" Rae asked with a shocked face that dissolved into a grin.

"Don't worry, I won't make a habit of it!" He shook his head, "Still wanna be the best student in the school. Just need to blow off steam more often than I used to nowadays."

"Why?" Phil gave her a strange look and grinned, shaking his head.

"Oh." He sighed, "So many reasons." He sat down beside her, leaning back on the wall, his knees up, his hands dangling down as he leaned his arm on them. "My parents are making me crazy." He shook his head. "They won't even let Kelsey stay while she's doing a paid commission. She has to try and find a room to rent and…" he shook his head, "I just hate them for turning their backs on her. I hate them." He said it with such vitriol that Rae turned her face to him to see his face twisted bitterly, "How could they do that to their own daughter, Rae?" He shook his head. "You know, she had to couch-surf and sleep rough, on the streets most nights in London, for over a year until she started making some money from her art. And they don't care. They don't care what she went through." Rae considered mentioning the room at Finn's house but thought better of it. "I think she's gonna have to sleep rough in Stamford too." He shook his head. He lowered his eyes, "is it wrong to wanna shake someone until their brains rattle in their heads so hard that…" He stopped himself and looked away.

"I see way you need to blow off steam." Rae said sympathetically.

"Yeah." Phil replied through gritted teeth, "And that's just one of the things getting under my skin." He took a deep breath and kept his face averted for a while longer.

"I don't think it's wrong to feel that way." Rae said softly, "If they were my parents, I'd have probably pushed 'em down the stairs by now." Phil laughed.

"I could never hurt them." He said, almost regretfully, "Despite everything… I keep hoping that… they'll remember us… they'll go back to how they were. I just want…" He almost said 'love' but bit his tongue.

"I understand." Rae thought about her father and the way he'd made her feel. She rubbed his arm momentarily and he gave her a wan smile.

"I heard Elsa's away again today, so we got Evin." Phillip tried to change the topic, clearing his throat and still not wanting to look at anyone; the topic of his family awoke too many painful emotions in him and he so would have preferred to be talking about this to someone who loved him. If he looked at her, he'd start searching for all the signs he'd seen that said she cared for him and he needed to not do that in order to maintain his sanity. He knew she cared about him in some way, he so hoped she cared for him in the way he did for her, but he didn't expect that to actually be the case. The more he'd gotten to know Finn, the more he'd realised that he didn't really have a chance with her. He was still trying to get over her, while simultaneously maintaining an active friendship with her, and planning out this dinner where he'd tell her everything he felt; it was madness. But he'd happily go mad for her. He'd walk into lava if it'd make her happy; all she had to do was say the word.

"Oh god!" Rae moaned, "Not more dancing!" He chuckled and looked up at her stunning face, that grin on those full lips of hers knocked the breath from his lungs.

"I'm sure she'll give us something else to do. Can't make us dance the whole lesson can she?" He soothed with a joking grin.

"I hope not; she's lovely, but I can't stand dancing that much!"

"I wonder what's wrong with Elsa?" Phil asked and Rae shrugged.

"Probably the flu or something." Rae said with a frown. Elsa had never taken a day of work, she'd come with flu like symptoms in the past and just made them all stay away from her so they didn't catch it. Phil leaned forward considering this.

"I s'pose." Phillip answered unconvinced, also thinking of all the times Elsa had showed up to work sick. "You know the one act play competition that we wrote the Macbeth adaptation for?" Phillip watched her nod, "That's coming up soon isn't it? We haven't heard anything…"

"Well they have to approve the script." Rae shrugged, "I s'pose that's a slow process."

"We're not gonna have a lot of rehearsal time."

"Maybe we should start that now?" Rae agreed, "Whether we get in or no."

"My thoughts exactly. Gonna go for any of the parts?" Phil watched her consider this and then slowly shake her head.

"I've got so many performances on at the moment. And I don't like performing as much as writing." She took a deep breath; thinking about performing still made her nervous, "You should go for Macbeth. You're the best male actor in the class." Phil grinned happily and leaned back against the wall.

"Thanks." Every compliment she ever gave him was carefully stored in his memory.

"It's just the truth." She shrugged.

"Yeah but the truth sounds nicer coming from you." He gave her a smile and she couldn't help but grin back. She knew that everything he said could be seen as a friendship thing; Archie would have said something like that to her. But she also knew that everything he said could be coming from another place all together and it complicated things so much. She so just wanted to enjoy his company without any questions like that. "Got any plans for the weekend?"

"Just prepping for the drama comp. I really want to win." He nodded his head and bit his bottom lip.

"Aye me too. We should organise some rehearsals."

"Yeah." Phil took out his organiser and opened it up, "When are you free?"

"You looked pretty booked out." Rae saw his schedule and he shrugged.

"I'll move things." He looked up at her with a determined smile, "I wanna win." They planned a rehearsal time every day that week, both of them feeling the lust of competition come over them, knowing they had a good chance to win with their piece and both determined to do so. Finn walked into the hall, his head down, trying to remember his dada monologue. He looked up and saw Rae and Phil sitting next to each other, heads together over Phil's diary. He remembered the way he used to feel when he saw them together. Now he just felt the overwhelming sense of happiness he always felt when he saw her. He didn't even mind that Phillip was there. He marvelled at how much he'd changed. He had just come to understand things differently. He was at peace with himself, and with his relationship with Rae.

"D'you skip outta class too?" Rae asked as he sat down on the other side of her.

"Nah, Reynolds let us go early." He shrugged and leaned back on the wall. "Thought I'd come here and practice me monologue."

"We all had that thought." Phillip said without looking at Finn.

"Great minds think alike." Rae grinned.

"I know didn't just imply that Jill's got a great mind." Finn grinned at Rae and then shot that cheeky grin over to Phillip who cocked an eyebrow.

"It's always fascinating hearing you talk Quinn. I never knew frontal lobe amputees could form coherent thoughts." Phillip shot back and Rae leaned back so they could see each other better, closing her eyes and focussing on her dada monologue. She had to remember lines for the dada group piece, the dada monologue, two duologues for the competition next week and a whole play for 'Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead,' she was beginning to worry there was no more room in her brain for anything else.

"Oh right?" Finn chuckled, "Well just make sure to never let your mind wander Gil, it's a wee bit too small to be out on its own."

"I feel sorry for that thought you just had Gwyn, it must be mighty lonely."

"If stupidity were a grain o' sand, you'd have the fucking Sahara." Finn grinned as Phil rolled his eyes.

"Better than being a maliciously putrid accumulation of cerebral constipation." Finn scoffed in reply and chuckled in appreciation.

"Go' listen to the perfect specimen o' botched genetic experimentation go." Finn laughed, this time Phillip chuckled in reply.

"Should I just leave you two alone?" Rae asked shaking her head and seeing Izzy and Chloe approaching with hot Bryn grinning and obviously telling some funny story, walking between them. When the girls started to sit down, Rae saw Bryn's eyes linger on Izzy for a moment, a deep desire in them before his happy grin quickly replaced that candid moment and he continued to tell them funny stories about growing up with Mike and Ronan as older brothers.

_'One Hot Minute' by Red Hot Chilli Peppers_

Evin had ended up being quite good with the class, allowing them to teach her about dada and rehearsing their pieces with decent direction from her.

But as they headed to lunch Izzy reported that she'd already read the first few chapters of 'that' book with a grin and Rae became acutely aware that it had been way too long since her and Finn had done anything experimental. He hadn't made a suggestion or pushed or teased since they'd been in London on summer break. That was a month ago. He hadn't talked about anal sex, not even teased or hinted or intimated towards its general direction. No fingering, even though she'd told him she was ok with a single finger. No spanking other than a gentle tap here and there. The new toys she'd gotten him were still in their bag at his house; unused since London. Some of them were yet to be used at all.

_What the hell is going on?_

Sure she'd had IUD induced redgate for the past few weeks, but there was two weeks of hanky panky before that they could have been getting up to. And nothing. Just ordinary sex. Which was nice, but she wanted to play…

Rae looked over at Finn, chuckling with Bryn and Sam as they all headed towards the canteen for lunch. A plan started to form in her mind and when Finn looked up at her she motioned for him to come over, taking his hand and dragging him roughly, off to the disabled toilet.

The minute the door was closed Rae slammed a confused Finn against the door hard. Her lips were on his, her hands passionately, insistently finding their way under his clothing.

"Is it over?" He asked excitedly, his fingers tugging at her tights. It wasn't over, she was still bleeding and had no intention of doing anything with that business happening down there, but that wasn't the point, she had a plan. She groaned and he groaned urgently in response. "Oh fuck Rae." He pulled at her pants, tearing them slightly, his fingers worming their way into her pants, his cock felt like it was nearly breaking the seams around his zip. "Oh fuck." He muttered again as his fingers got closer to her cunt. The ache in his voice was beautiful and Rae groaned again and stopped him, forcefully redirecting his hands to her arse cheeks. He squeezed her flesh happily, not thinking, just wanting her. She groaned louder as his fingers dug into her arse and he pulled her closer, his mouth devouring hers. His hands crept under her stockings at the back and she groaned loudly.

"I want you Finn" She whispered to him and he pulled his shirt off hurriedly before starting on her shirt.

"Oh fuck." He groaned in response.

"I want you to eat my cunt." She whispered and the groan he responded with as his tongue licked her neck made her body shudder in delight, "I want you to fuck me."

"Oh I'm gonna fuck you." His mouth barely moved as he eye fucked her. "Don't you worry bout that."

"I'd do anything for you to go down." She whimpered, knowing that the disabled toilet was not a location they could achieve this easily, if at all. But that was part of her plan. Rae couldn't cum from oral standing up; her knees went too weak, and Finn knew that. There was only one way to maybe get it done; Rae had figured it out already, but it was a way that Finn would hesitate at. And that was what she wanted. Finn groaned with frustration. "Go down." She pleaded.

"Rae you know I can't." He looked around the toilet desperately trying to think of something to make this work. But she grabbed him and sat on the basin uncomfortably, wrapping one leg around his waist, not game enough to raise the other leg, not trusting the weight bearing capacity of the sink. She ground her hips slightly and rubbed his cock through his jeans. His lips were on her again and she bit and licked his lips making him groan desperately.

"Oh fuck, I want you." His voice was strained with weeks of pent up desire and she whimpered in response. She spent a good few minutes keeping his hands out of her pants and on her body, especially on her breasts and kissing him deeply while she pulled his cock out and rubbed it firmly.

"I really want you to go down." She whispered into his ear. "If you can figure out a way to make it happen, I swear I'll give you anything you want." Finn again looked around the toilet, but she pulled his face back to look at her, "Anything." She said with a cheekily sexy grin, "You understand?" She raised her eyebrows and Finn grinned slightly.

"You really want my mouth on your cunt girl." He nodded and Rae didn't need to act when she groaned loudly and nodded in reply. Her frustration was intense because it didn't matter what happened here, it wasn't going to happen today.

_Fucking redgate._

"And I'll do anything to get it." She eye fucked him, "So name your price to lie down on that filthy floor and have me ride your pretty face." Finn's top lip rose in disgust as he looked down at the toilet floor.

"Rae…?" He shook his head, "Can't I do it at home?" He looked back at her, and she got off the sink and bent down and took his cock in her mouth. He groaned loudly. She sucked it for about thirty seconds before straightening up.

"Name your price Mr Nelson." She could see that he was tempted, "Wanna try a 69 in here?" He bit his bottom lip and looked back down at the floor. "I'll get on top however much you want for the next month." Finn looked back at her with a keen expression, "I'll even put anal sex on the table." She whispered and his eyes narrowed slightly. "Lick my cunt right now Finn, please." She begged, "And then you can fuck me in the arse." She kissed his lips passionately, seeing the look of confusion in his eyes. He was obviously wondering why she would offer so much for oral sex now, when she could get it when they got home in a few hours for nothing. He'd thank her for letting him go down in a few hours, doing it here, she had to try and bribe him to get on that floor. "Please Finn." She begged again and Finn felt his body responding to her begging, his hands finding her arse again, squeezing her round cheeks, the fingers tracing along her crack lightly. "I need it." She told him, her body pressing against his, her mouth devouring his now. It was very obvious to her that he wanted this. His hands didn't leave her arse for the next few minutes of kissing, but he didn't attempt to touch her anus or finger her, he just kneaded her arse, almost furiously, his desire throbbing through his body. Rae wanted him so badly; this was as much torture for her as it was for him, but the real point of this as to get him back on track, to get him pushing and exploring again. As soon as he agreed to her offer, she'd have to reveal that she couldn't because of redgate, but then she'd sexily tell him she still wanted him to fuck her arse, or something like that, she hadn't thought that bit through yet. She just wanted him to get going again.

She groaned loudly as his fingers traced along her crack again, letting him know that she was into it. She really was, she had missed feeling his fingers exploring that part of her body; she liked him getting himself into all of her. At first she had been horrified at the way he insisted on touching all of her, looking at all of her, tasting all of her. But now she craved it, and she was acutely aware of how long it had been since he'd explored that part of her. It surprised her how much she'd missed it; the way her body shivered in delight made it very clear to her that anal play of some sort was a very welcome part of her sex life that she wanted to stay around.

"Oh god." She felt her cunt contracting in anticipation for the way it felt when he fingered her arse; the way her cunt ached for him because of it. "Oh god I really want it." She whispered more to herself than him. He moaned but shook his head.

"No I can't Rae." He clearly wished he wasn't saying that. Rae looked at him with real surprise.

"What?" She shook her head, "We can put our clothes down on the floor." She said desperately, "C'mon Finn.' She pleaded.

"I can't accept an offer like that under these circumstances." His hands rubbed her sides, "Can we still fuck though. Please?" His eyes took in her body, "Oh god please." He licked his lips and cupped one of her breasts, squeezing it gently. She took a step back from him and looked at him. "Please Rae can we still fuck?" He stepped forward and saw the surprised look on her face, "it's not that I don't wanna go down. I will as soon as we get home. And it's not even that I couldn't be convinced to get on that floor…" he gave her slightly glum look, "I just don't want you to… make bargains like that. You always agree to more when you're horny." He let his hands drop, knowing from the look on her face that the mood was gone. He shuffled his feet uncomfortably as she stared at him.

"You haven't really touched my arse in a month." She said angrily and Finn looked away.

"We've had redg-" He tried to say.

"For two weeks. What about the two weeks before that?"

"I'm fine with the way we've been, aren't you?" He kept his eyes lowered, not wanting to see how disappointed and angry she looked.

"I was fine when we was exploring. Why d'you stop?" She moved her face to get in his line of vision and he looked into her eyes, "You gonna tell me you no longer have the urge to have anal sex?"

"Exploring's not just about anal sex." Finn replied carefully.

"No it's not." She agreed, "But it's part of it." She folded her arms. "What happened?"

"Nothing." He sighed and knew that was a lie. "You put the brakes on." He admitted, "I heard your message, ok?"

"I…?"

"Yeah, the tit for tat anal thing wasn't about trying to get in me. It was about trying to slow me down. I heard you. It's alright. You don't wanna do it. It's fine."

"So I'm a little afraid of anal… so you stop all exploration?" Rae asked with an unimpressed face.

"I just wanted you to know that I was fine with what you'd already given me and that we didn't need to keep going…"

"What I'd already given you?" Finn went to say something else but Rae held up a hand for him to be quiet. He saw the seriousness of her expression and snapped his mouth shut. She was angry. "What I've given you… so sex is like… a prize that you get to have…? Or a collection of merit badges?" She shook her head, "like I don't understand that mentality." She raised her hands in questioning, "I just give you sex. I give myself to you… is sex a thing that's just for you then?"

"No that's not what I meant." Finn stuttered, realising what he'd said and silently bemoaning his inability with words.

"Are you the driver then of this sexual relationship? Am I just in the passenger seat? Just along for the ride while you get your rocks off? In and on my body…?" Her voice got louder and Finn worried how much could be heard through the door.

"No Rae, I just meant that you've already pushed your limits enough for me." He tried to explain.

"Stop thinking of me as the lesser partner!" She snapped forcefully and Finn's mouth opened in surprise.

"I… I don't…" He stuttered.

"You think that I'm more innocent and that cos I know less than you about sex, that you're inherently the leader." Finn took a step back when she pointed her finger at him angrily, "So you're the one in charge, the one that's got all the power, or all the aces up your sleeves." Her eyes flashed angrily and Finn wished he knew what to do to make it stop. He took a deep breath and made himself calm down and listen to her because he knew that's all she ever wanted from him in these arguments; for him to just hear her, "You think you're the one with all the desire." Her cheeks were pink with anger, "Well I've got news for you Finn; I want things too!" She said it forcefully, and Finn knew he shouldn't be turned on right now, but her saying that to him angrily was quite sexual, "I wanna be fucked, I wanna explore, I wanna fuck you… I wanna do so many things…" Finn's mouth opened slightly and he tried to stop his balls aching like that, but she was so sexy right now. He'd happily listen to her yell all the things she wanted to do to him angrily for hours, "And you keep acting like it's all up to you whether certain games or circumstance are ok and it's not!" Finn nodded, making himself fully listen to her words. "I have my own mind and I make my own decisions."

"I know Rae, it's just… I push so much…"

"I'm not your victim!" She spat back at him and his breath stopped. Had he really been thinking of her like that? "Sex isn't something that happens to me." She told him and his mind started racing; he had been thinking of her as needing protection from his desires. Why would he do that? "Sex isn't something perpetrated by you upon my body. We're in this together. I want it too!"

"I understand Rae." He answered with a soft voice, "but I don't want you agreeing to things when you're horny; you agree to more when y'are than you would if you weren't."

"Oh I know that, I'm not a fucking idiot." She retorted and his mouth again opened in surprise, "I want to agree to more when I'm horny; I want my boundaries pushed, I like it when you try to push them."

"I…" Finn didn't know what to think.

"I would have thought my instant use of the safe word over the fucking ashtray mouth thing would have told you that even when I'm horny I'll still stop you if I'm really not ok with it." Finn took a deep breath and thought about this.

"Yeah I suppose you will but…" He furrowed his brows. "I feel like I have… planted the idea of, for example, anal sex, in your head." He knew he had, he and chop had even revelled in the idea, "And I think that if I hadn't done that, you wouldn't want to explore it at all."

"Alright firstly, the butt plug Chloe gave me put the idea in my head, not you." Rae reminded him and Finn felt an immediate weight lift off his chest; he'd forgotten about that. "Second, yes, ok, your attitude did make me consider it sooner than I probably would have if you hadn't wanted it. But I probably would have come around to it eventually. The way spanking turns me on would have given me the idea to keep exploring that area. And third, and most important, me head isn't some blank plot of dirt you put seeds in to grow Finn. I have a fucking mind of me own!" She gave him a dirty look.

"I know Rae!" Finn answered exasperated, "But I do plant seeds whether you wanna admit that or not, and I brag to the lads about it like I'm doing something skilful or…" He lowered his eyes ashamed, "I just feel like I been pushing you too hard." He finished glumly.

"I'm not a fucking idiot, I know you been planting seeds; I been letting you." She answered swiftly, her words surprising Finn, "Finn you can plant as many seeds as you want, I can prune me own garden." Rae continued, "Nothing's gonna grow if I don't want it to." Finn looked up at her surprised.

"But… with anal… you were so against it and then I pushed and you changed your tune… and…"

"Yeah. Let me just fucking repeat myself, since you didn't get it first time: nothing's gonna grow in me head unless I let it." She reasserted. "The only problem I have with the whole anal thing," She explained, "is that it scares me and I needed it to go slower than it was."

"Yeah cos I were pushing too hard…"

"No Finn. That was me making it go fast, not you." He gave her a confused look, "Like you'd do anything to me unless I wanted you to!" She shook her head.

"Of course I wouldn't."" Finn struggled to keep up with her arguments, "But I think that you was going so fast cos I put the idea in your head." Finn tried to make her see.

"Are you honestly trying to tell me that you believe that I'm that unaware, that I don't see what you're doing?" She asked him shaking her head with pity for him, "You really think I don't see you trying to plant those seeds Finn?"

"I thought…"

"What that you was subtle? That I was stupid? Is that what you think about girls? That we're all too stupid to see you supposedly manipulating us? I'm sure some girls really are manipulated by their dickhead boyfriends… but d'you really think that of you and me?"

"No Rae… that's not-"

"Then what exactly are you trying to say?" She asked him, hands on hips, "Really think about it Finn."

"I… I worried. It were obvious it were going too fast for you and… I thought I were pushing you too hard." He furrowed his brows.

"Always blaming yourself." Rae told him, "But not everything is about you Finn." She watched him lower his eyes again, "We was going too fast because of me. I want to try it more than I expected," Finn's eyes flicked up to hers to see if she was lying, he saw only honesty, "and I need to wait or else I'm gonna be too scared, and Archie says it'll hurt if I'm too tense." She lowered her eyes, "I'm scared it'll hurt. I'm scared of poo. And hygiene. And… what if you like it more than me vagina?" She shook her head, "But even though I'm scared, I still really wanna try it." Finn put a hand up to her face, he hated seeing her afraid, "I do wanna try this. Not just for you. For me too. I've been liking the little bits we've done so far… So… Maybe I'll like full anal sex… even though it's frightening." She looked into his eyes, hoping he'd understand, "I need you to be buttering me up for it. I like that you do." He scoffed slightly and she grinned, "Really Finn. I like that you tease and butter me up and get me horny and then push it a little. I love that." She put her hands up to his face, "It's seriously one of me favourite things about our sex. I like the way you seduce me intop the unexpected." She watched Finn's eyes furrow with concern and doubt, "I will shut you down quicker than you can blink if I'm not into something." She said firmly and she saw reassurance come into his eyes, "So go right ahead and keep on planting those seeds and gently prodding and turning me on and pushing and just being you, alright?" Finn slowly nodded, still not convinced, "Finn… I'm doing it to you too, you know. You just don't realise it cos I'm a fuckload more subtle than you."

"You what?" He looked at her grinning face with surprise.

"I'm gonna fuck you with a strap on one day Finn." His jaw dropped and her face broke out into a triumphant grin, "I got you thinking about a fingering haven't I?"

"You dirty wench." He chuckled.

"You gonna take a fingering up there?" She asked and he bit his bottom lip. "You wanna fuck my arse you know what's gotta happen." She grinned like a jackal and he shook his head in disbelief at her.

"I thought you were applying the brakes." He said softly.

"I was." She said, "But not in the way you think." And she shrugged, "And then I realised there was a secondary purpose to this fingering… to get you pegging." She grinned.

"Goddamnit woman." He chuckled.

"Right. Are you gonna stop this foolishness now?" She shoved him gently and he stepped back, his eyes not able to leave her face.

"A strap on? Fucking hell Rae." He didn't know how he felt about that, only that he was a little afraid of it.

"See. My plans are pretty big for you Finlay. But you'll shut me down if you don't want it, right?"

"Aye." He agreed, understanding her better now. Pegging scared him, but he wasn't about to say an outright no yet; he didn't know how he felt about it, he needed more information, more experiences with anal play, before he could decide.

"So can you stop worrying that I'm not right here beside you in this stuff? I'm in the driver's seat of my sexuality, and you're just the backseat driver making suggestions, that I can choose to ignore… or take… And it's the same for you. You steer your ship and decide what you're gonna do with my suggestions." She took his hand, "I like that we can trust each other enough to do this stuff. Don't clam up on me now."

"How do I know what's ok Rae?" He asked softly, vulnerably.

"I'll tell you." She reassured him. "We've already got some hard limits. Like ashtray mouth and pissing… watersports is what it's called right?" Finn nodded, "And I asked Tom what scat play is and I can tell you that it's well and truly off the fucking table." Rae said firmly.

"That's shit innit?" Finn asked and Rae nodded.

"We're not getting shit involved in our sex." She said and Finn nodded

"We have complete agreement on that one." Finn told her firmly.

"So you know, we've got some hard limits. Things that we're not gonna do." She said, "And then… Archie said they're called soft limits." She told him, "Things that you're willing to be pushed on, but that maybe scare you a bit." She smile reassuringly, "That's anal, alright? It's a soft limit. You have my whole hearted permission to push that limit." She told him, "And I'll let you know other hard and soft limits as they arise." She told him, "But you have to do the same. You have to tell me."

"Aye." He agreed. "So… So…" He grinned slightly and bit his bottom lip, "So I just gotta… get you all horny for an arse fuck…?" He said still tentative, easing back into it mentally, a feeling at the back of his mind that even after this talk, they'd still never do it. But still, fingering that beautiful arse was pretty damn good and he had missed doing that to her.

"Please do." She said lustily, looking him up and down, her eyes starting to fuck him, her mouth opening in desire. Her eyes hadn't finished their journey back up his body when he pulled her aggressively into his arms and started to kiss her. She returned the passion of his kiss, forgetting that he still believed her to be not bleeding and not realising where this was going. He kissed down her neck, his hands exploring her body, seeking to get under her tights again. She felt his cock starting to get hard again as it pressed into her. She groaned, her body aching for his. She grabbed his cock firmly and ran her hand up and down its length, desperately wanting to fuck him. They kissed for several minutes before Finn pulled her tights down slightly, freeing her arse from their constraints. He pulled her skirt up and ran his hands over her round arse and she groaned happily as his fingers found her crack, tracing along it.

"God I'm gonna fuck you hard." He whispered to her and she whimpered, he licked his finger wetly and she hardly noticed him doing it, "I'm gonna bend you over," He continued as his finger slowly pressed against her anus, "And slide my cock into your cunt." Rae felt her cunt contract with desperate desire as his finger pressed into her arsehole.

"Oh god." She bemoaned loudly as her empty cunt screamed with desire for his cock. His finger slid a little further in and he grinned.

"I have missed this." He said honestly as he saw that look in her eyes. He could see how much it made her want to get fucked. He slid his finger in and out of her for a few moments, just re-acquainting himself with this whole thing and watching her writhe with desire. Rae's insides were on fire with an ache for him that was made worse by the fact that she couldn't have him.

_Oh god, why did I make him start this up again right now?_

Up until now, she'd been able to keep her desire for him under control, made it sit in the pit of her belly, ready to be pulled out when this abominable IUD bleed finished up. But there was something about his finger in her arsehole that just made her desperately want to be fucked. She nearly begged him to fuck her regardless of the bleeding. But she'd seen the look on his face the first time he'd gotten blood all over himself. She was never going to let that happen again. He slipped his finger in further and Rae felt her ache increase. He kissed her neck and let his other hand roam around her body finding out all of her sensitive places. She felt her breathing growing faster as desire took over her body completely. He sensed that she was just as desperate to fuck as he was and turned her around, bending her over, her hands naturally going to the sink for balance and support. She groaned as he kept his finger up her arse and pulled her tights down more.

"Finn." She groaned in frustration, he ran his other fingers across her arse and spanked her gently before moulding himself to her to kiss her neck and back, his finger expertly doing its job in her arse and making her ache for him. "Finn." She whispered softly, not wanting to stop him, but she had a tampon in, and she really needed to stop him before he found the string. "Finn redgate isn't over." She said truly sorry to have to be saying those words. He froze behind her, his lips on her back, his cock pressed against her arse cheek, his finger still inside her.

"What?" He breathed, confused.

"I'm sorry." Finn lowered his face onto her back for a minute to gather himself and slowly withdrew his finger from her.

"Alright." He told her slowly, having to force himself to not ask her to just fuck anyway. "Alright." He told himself. She turned to him.

"I'm so sorry." She felt her cunt aching, "Especially to myself." She mumbled before looking back at his confused face, "I were trying to tease you into getting exploratory again." She explained with an apologetic grin.

"Right." He nodded slowly and gently pushed his throbbing, hard cock back into his pants uncomfortably, struggling to zip his fly. Rae watching on demurely. He picked up her shirt and handed it to her before grabbing his, rearranging his cock in his pants with a grimace and putting his own shirt on. He washed his hands and looked at himself in the mirror, the bulge in is pants was hugely obvious, and he'd need a few moments before he could leave the toilet.

"I'm sorry," she repeated. "Are you angry at me?"

"Rae…" he said softly, trying not to look at her, "Even just your voice at the moment is making me hard." He chuckled, "I'm not angry at you… bewildered as to why you chose this way to get me going again…" he considered this and nodded, "Glad you did choose to get me going again… but… holy hell…" He chuckled again, "I want you so much right now."

"Oh god Finn, I want you too." He looked up at her and saw the frustrated desire in her eyes.

"I'm never getting out of this fucking toilet!" He laughed. She looked down at his groin and laughed.

"Finn… maybe…" She nearly asked him to fuck anyway but changed it at the last second, "Maybe I should suck you off till you cum?"

"Diabolical wench." He groaned in response and shook his head. "If you can't cum, I can't cum." He stroked her hair, "You said it; we're in this together." In an effort to lessen his throbbing erection he turned his mind to the discussion they'd just had. He thought over everything she'd said and decided to address some of her fears head on because if there was any hope of it happening, he had to make her feel comfortable, "If it hurts I'll stop and we'll never try it again." He said earnestly and she grinned, loving the way he actually thought about the things she said, "And I don't like your mouth more than your vagina. For sex I mean…" He grinned at his own awkwardness, "I don't think I'll ever like anything more than your vagina Rae. You don't need to worry about that." He thought about the way she always did that gasping intake of air when he penetrated her, "There's something so right about me being in you that way… nothing'll ever beat it." He went back to all of her concerns and picked out the next one he remembered, "And if there's poo… I'll just wash it off." He grinned, "I'm not squeamish, I'll be fine."

"Finn." Rae shook her head, "I'd die of embarrassment."

"I'll be fine." He repeated, "I mean I don't wanna play with the stuff, but I can handle it if there's a little mishap. You don't have to worry about that. And you can… you can feel if there's anything in there right? I mean I can feel if I need to go…"

"Yeah, but what if… I dunno." She sighed. "It's just a gross thought." Finn nodded.

"Aye." He agreed, "But if you make sure you feel… empty I guess… it shouldn't be an issue?"

"I got a book about it." Rae confessed.

"About… anal sex?" Finn asked, a slight grin starting to come back onto his face. She nodded.

"There's a bit about hygiene and stuff like that. I haven't gotten to it yet. But so far it's been a good read… alleviated a lot of me fears. Maybe it'll have something about… feeling empty and stuff…"

"You went to the shop and bought a book about anal sex?" Finn asked and Rae nodded.

"A book about anal sex for women." Rae gave him a confused look.

"You had to hand that book to someone and give them money…"

"That's generally what you do when you buy a book Finn."

"But… weren't you…" He knew Rae, he knew she was usually embarrassed by things like this, "Weren't you worried what they'd think?"

"Aye." She nodded.

"But you did it anyway?" Finn shook his head, coming to grips with that fact.

"I needed the book." She shrugged.

"Because you actually do wanna… try it…?" He asked in disbelief. "Like for real… Not just playing around with me fingers and stuff… Like actual do it?" And she understood why he was saying that: he didn't like the idea of doing something to her that made her afraid because no matter how much she said she wanted to do it, he just couldn't believe she'd want to do something that made her afraid. Going through the embarrassment of buying the book without prompting from him and without him being there made him feel like maybe she actually did want something she was afraid of, and wasn't just considering it for him. She decided to not hide her fear from him; to be as honest as possible so they could work through all of this properly and get back to exploring.

"Maybe." She whispered. "Probably." She shrugged, the worry on her face clear. She bit her bottom lip. "I do." She finally said. "I do but…" She took a deep breath, "Well you know why I'm nervous." She furrowed her brows, "I already said I wanted to do it." She complained.

"Yeah but… even then I never really believe it'll happen." He said honestly. "I hope." He grinned cheekily, "And I want… but I didn't believe it would… but you got a book about it?"

"I want it to happen." She said bravely, jutting her chin the way she'd learned from Chloe. Finn took her in and felt a strange kind of honour well up in him; it was an honour that she'd let him do this… and then he remembered what she'd said before. Sex wasn't something he did to her. They did it together. "You know I thought about what you said about… wanting to be in all three of me holes." Finn scrunched his nose at the vulgar way of describing her body parts, "And… I want that too." She swallowed hard, "I want you inside of me in every way we can imagine and do. Everywhere, all of me. I wanna feel you inside o' me, Finn." Finn couldn't help but feel the sense of honour, of privilege, but mostly of intimacy and connectedness to her. He stroked her face gently and they kissed sensually. A deep sexual satisfaction washed through his body, but it was more than just sexual. His hands held her body firmly his kiss devoured her, this was so much more than just a turn on for him.

"I really get to have all of your body." He muttered, "I don't just mean anal sex." He stuttered, realising he wasn't being clear, "I mean… you let me touch you everywhere, and you'd let me kiss you everywhere… I get to experience all of your body… it's such an honour."

"Steady on Finn."

"Sorry. It's just hit me… how much you must trust me." He shook his head in disbelief and kissed her again, once again devouring her mouth, his hands firmly moving up her back to hold her to him. He could feel her shaking, afraid of what she had told him. "Just knowing how you trust me, that you'd let me experience all of your body in every way…" The grin he gave was of deep satisfaction and contentment; the trust she placed in him made him feel like he'd reached the pinnacle of manhood. It did things to his insides, made him calmer, surer, but also made him want her more than ever. "We don't have to have anal sex Rae." He said, "It scares you. And just knowing that you trust me enough to face that fear… that's enough for me." He grinned so happily that Rae believed him completely. She understood that this was the first time he'd said they didn't have to have anal sex, and not had the hope they would eventually do it in the back of his mind. Something about the way her trust in him affected him, and the way he was looking at her now, knowing that she trusted him completely, even with things that scared her like this, made her calmer, more self-assured. He wasn't running away from how open she was to him; he was looking inside her mind and soul more and more every day, and he was falling more in love with her every step of the way.

"It's been a long journey to get to this point." Rae said, "But I want to do it. So I guess you owe me a favour then." She grinned and watched him nod slowly, accepting her decision with a serious expression, "I wanna do it… Eventually." She clarified, "I just need you to take your time with this one alright?" He wrapped his arms around her.

"Alright." He promised. "I'll wait till you're begging for it." He grinned cheekily, joking to ease her nerves, but feeling just as honoured as he had before. She rolled her eyes and tutted at him.

"Cocky bastard." She chuckled.

_'Try a Little Tenderness' by Otis Redding_

"Slow down!" Archie jogged to keep up and Tom shook his head.

"Running late Archer!" He said apologetically.

"Well we wouldn't be running late if you didn't have to change your fucking shirt three times." Archie grumbled. Tom grinned and watched him from the corner of his eyes.

"It takes effort to look this good." Tom teased and Archie shook his head, unimpressed. "Oh please!" Tom said to his glaring face, "You love that I'm a pretty boy." Archie rolled his eyes.

"Where are we going anyway?" He asked, his eyes unable to stop from taking Tom in lustily; he was so damn good looking. Archie sighed, desire sitting deep in his groin. He imagined himself grinding his hips into Tom, fucking him in the stairwell to the parking lot, pressing him up against the wall, that pretty face of his straining against the lack of lube he was gonna be using the minute they got back to that stairwell. Tom would love that. Archie would love curling his hand over Tom's beautiful mouth to stifle his grunts and groans.

"I see the look you're giving me." Tom grinned seductively, cockily, and Archie looked away, unable to stop himself from grinning in response, "We have to go to the bank, the doctor and my lawyer's office."

"I'd rather go back to that stairwell." Archie said in a low voice.

"You mean that dark, filthy stairwell in the car park?" Tom asked with a surprised voice; Archie was incredibly clean normally. Fucking in a filthy stairwell was not his usual style.

"Yeah."

"You don't normally like getting fucked without lube." Tom said, already knowing who was getting fucked in that stairwell.

"No." Archie answered with a crooked grin. "No I don't." He said as if glum, "You're right. Whatever will we do?"

"Find someone who doesn't mind getting his arse ripped." Tom said with a sexual chuckle.

"Doesn't mind?" Archie scoffed, "More like loves getting fucked so it hurts." He grinned, "And I'll spit first."

"You're so romantic." Tom pulled Archie to him suddenly and kissed him passionately, biting his bottom lip hard enough to draw blood as he pulled away. "The things I'm gonna do to you when we get home." He said with a dangerous lusty tone.

"The things I'm gonna do to you in that stairwell." Archie returned equally as dangerous and lusty before kissing him. Tom normally hated tasting blood, but loved it with Archie and kissed him deeply in response.

"Rip me a new one later, bank now." Tom laughed and pulled him by the hand towards the bank, laughing and jogging, Archie almost tripping and laughing even louder.

They got to the bank just one minute before their appointment. They sat down with a slightly affronted looking man, clasping hands and grinning like fools at each other. Archie had no clue why they were there and didn't really care as long as he was with Tom.

"How can I help you today Mr Daley?" He asked looking at first Tom and then Archie.

"I wanna make my bank accounts joint with Archie." Tom answered and Archie looked over at him surprised, "Including my credit card, my stocks, my savings accounts, my superannuation, everything."

"Well your superannuation has to be only in your name." The banker said and started to tap at his computer, "I'll just get all the paperwork for you to fill out. Equal access or will he require your permission to-"

"Equal access." Tom answered instantly, making a mental note to get his lawyer to draw up some forms to make sure his superannuation went to Archie if Tom died.

"Of course sir." He left the office and Tom turned to Archie.

"You don't have to do this." Archie said shaking his head, "I know you love me, you don't have to… you don't have to do this." Archie sucked his bottom lip momentarily, completely overwhelmed with emotions.

"What's mine is yours Archie." Tom grinned. "Though I don't have as much money as I used to thanks to Rhys and our little endeavour." He pulled a face, "So I don't know how good of a sugar daddy I am now." Archie broke out into loud laughter.

"I need to get my account opened up to you… make it joint too."

"No you don't." Tom shrugged.

"No but I want to!" Archie was kissing him when the banker came in, clearing his throat aggressively. Sensing his discomfiture, Archie kissed Tom for a moment longer before slowly pulling away from him. The banker showed Tom the paperwork he had to fill out and then left the room to get more. Tom started on the forms.

"After this we gotta get the last of our shots for travel." Tom looked at his watch.

"And then your lawyer?" Archie asked. "Why your lawyer?"

"So I can make you my legal guardian and the benefactor of my will and make sure that no one tries to fuck with you if anything happens to me." Tom said not looking up from the forms, mindful of the time, "Cos if I died tomorrow, you'd be kicked out of your home because legally, my fucking parents would get all of my stuff, cos our relationship isn't recognised as legitimate." He smiled bitterly. "So I've had my lawyer draw up some iron clad papers to make sure no one can kick you out of your home and that all my stuff goes to you and that you get to make my decisions if it comes to it and… all that stuff." He shrugged, not being good with dealing with big emotions yet, and seeing the tears in Archie's eyes made him get teary too. He lowered his eyes, "We said we'd spend the rest of our lives together." Tom said, "If the law doesn't ever catch up with love and give us equal rights to all the heteros… well… I don't want someone kicking you out of our home when I die and you're 90." Archie laughed and Tom reached his hand out to him. "You got some stuff to sign here." Tom told him and Archie looked at the paperwork. It was a form to get his signature for the credit card so he could use it. He looked over at Tom and knew he wanted to marry him, and grow old with him. He picked up a pen and signed the form carefully.

"How do I make a will and things like that?" Archie asked.

"Well that's why I decided to bring you along to my lawyer." Tom answered. "After I've done all my paperwork, I'm gonna step out and let you organise your own will with him."

"Why are you gonna step out?" Archie looked through the paperwork for anything else he needed to sign. The banker came back in and handed Archie a pile of papers.

"These are for you to fill out sir." He said and again left the room. Archie immediately started to fill in the forms.

"Your will is private." Tom shrugged, "I don't want you to feel like you have to leave anything to me just cos I'm leaving my stuff to you."

"Don't be a dickhead." Archie laughed. "Of course I'm leaving most of it to you." Archie shook his head, "It's not like I got much to leave anyway. And other than a few things for me mates and me family, it all goes to you."

"My stuff is your stuff." Tom reminded him, "That's our flat, not my flat. So you got plenty to leave behind." Tom told him.

"Don't see my name on the mortgage." Archie laughed and Tom grinned.

"Don't have a mortgage." He shrugged, "I've been careful with me money. Other than… the party helpers." He said softly. "I paid it off about three months ago. But that's part of the papers I've gotten my lawyer to draw up." Tom said with a grin. "It will have your name on it."

"Holy shit." Archie marvelled. "I could totally take you to the cleaners if we split up." He laughed and Tom gave him a wry grin.

"Half of everything." He agreed, "If that ever happens. But…" He stopped filling in the forms and looked up at Archie, "But you might as well take it all if we break apart." He said honestly, "Why the fuck would I want anything if I didn't have you?"

"It's been a little over 6 months since your last STI check." Doctor Riker, Tom's regular doctor since he'd moved to Stamford, mused over Tom's file and Tom took a deep breath, his face indicating he'd forgotten that.

"I suppose I'd better get that done then." He said, "It'll be my last one." He looked over at Archie who he'd dragged in to the room with him, like he had for the last round of shots, Dr Riker had been on leave then and they'd seen a locum. Dr Riker looked up at Archie and back to Tom.

"Finally found someone to tie your arse down huh?" He asked with a light tone and Tom grinned.

"Doc Riker's been on at me to be more careful with sex, you know?" He explained to Archie, "And to settle down… always with the 'settle down' talk." Tom shook his head. Dr Riker looked over at Archie.

"You must be extraordinary to get him to agree to monogamy, son." The doctor said and gave Archie a quick wink before calling the nurse in to draw the blood. "And how's your drug usage been?"

"About the same." Tom shrugged. The doctor sighed as if he were a long suffering partner.

"Only settled down in one regard then." He mused and Tom gave him a wry grin. "Let's check all your chemical balances and vitamin levels and organ functions.' He wrote up the tests and Tom furrowed his brows.

"Will you get these tests done?" He asked Archie. Archie hadn't considered getting blood tests to check how his body was coping with his drug usage. "You should probably get the sexually transmitted infections tests done as well. Just to be sure." Tom lowered his eyes sadly. "I was quite a tart."

"Good means you learned a lot to teach me." Archie soothed and Tom flicked his eyes back up to his face happily.

"And you need the last round of shots. Tetanus and your last hepatitis immunisations." Dr Riker read over the countries they were going closely, "Better do polio as well, just to be safe. And you'll need anti-malarials for Egypt."

Archie tried to not rub his arm too much. The place where the shots had gone in was aching and rubbing it only made it worse. The lawyer was taking an unbelievably long time to go through everything. It was mind numbingly boring and Archie sat there, plastering his eyes as wide open as he could to stop himself from falling asleep. He managed to succeed easily when he properly started to watch Tom, all masterful and knowledgeable, demanding things and getting shit done. Archie felt his head tip to the side as he watched Tom attacking the issue of their relationship's legal standing from all angles, making sure that Archie was as protected as possible. He was so sexy when he was like this; he might have made a good lawyer if he had the desire or temperament for it. He certainly had the mind and masterful presence. Archie sighed, tragically horny and realised he was again acting like Rae did when she looked at Finn… but he didn't mind.

Setting up his own will had been tedious in the extreme, but after watching Tom be so thorough, Archie was determined to get this right. He had asked Tom to stay in the room, and he had acquiesced but was trying to make himself inconspicuous as Archie made his decisions. He supposed he'd have to change this as he got older and owned more things, but he decided to leave his signed David Beckham shirt to Chop, his collection of Disney movies to Izzy, his favourite book of historical quotes to Rhys, his favourite jacket to Chloe, his record player and a few choice vinyls to Rae. And to Finn, his longest and best friend he left a mangled GI Joe that Finn had always wanted to have but Archie had never let him play with when they were kids and his watch. He left all of his awards to his parents and a couple of books to his sister. Everything else went to Tom. He'd probably have to tell his parents about this so they were aware of the decisions he was making, if it ever came to it, he didn't want a legal wrangle between Tom and his family. That would be very difficult for Tom to have to go through. He also had the lawyer draw up all the same papers Tom had had done, so that Tom was his legal guardian and next of kin and everything he needed to sign so that Tom would be protected too. Tom had been moved to tears when Archie had requested to give Tom the same legal protections and Archie had looked over at him with a confused look.

"It's just… Tom said with a thick voice, "It's as close to marriage as we can get." They'd kissed while the lawyer had taken a few notes and started the paperwork; they'd need to go back into the office in a few days for Archie to sign all the paperwork.

"S'pose I should call you me hubby then." Archie replied deciding to ditch the stairwell idea and take his partner home to make love. Tom chuckled.

"We've moved quite fast." He whispered, for the first time worry crept into Tom's heart. But Archie shrugged.

"When you know you've found the one, why d'you need to wait?" The lawyer left the room, excusing himself to get some more forms for them to sign before they could go. "I know you're the one Tom. I am so in love with you… we'd just be wasting time waiting for some arbitrary amount of time to go by to tell us it's ok to admit we're in love."

"Sounds stupid when you put it like that." Tom was reassured by him, Archie always had a way of doing that. Archie shrugged again.

"I used to think people waited to be sure of what they'd chosen. But what that really means is that people wait when they're not sure." He touched Tom's cheek, "I'm sure."

"You know I already got you a ring." Tom said, agreeing, "I'm sure too."

"I got you one too." Archie chuckled, "Just waiting for the right time to ask." Tom nodded sadly.

"And then we have a really long engagement." Tom frowned, "Until bigots stop ruling the place."

"It'll get legalised eventually. I can't imagine them being able to stop us getting married forever." Archie said in an assured voice, "There's not that much hatred in this world, I can't believe that. In the end they'll see that love is what matters. And the minute…" Archie said immutably, "the minute Tom… that it's legalised… I'm there."

"And until then we got our legal documents." Tom said with a mixture of sorrow and happiness. "And I know exactly where and when I'm gonna ask you." Tom gave a teasing grin.

"Oh right?" Archie chuckled, "Was it in your lawyer's office? Cos you're the one who said this is the closest we can get to it right now…?"

"Is there a ring on your finger?" Tom teased and Archie shook his head, "Right, so it's obviously not here where I'm asking."

"When are you-"

"Can't ruin the surprise." Tom put on a serious face as the lawyer came back in and they finished up their business.

They dawdled back to the car, holding hands and chatting about their upcoming trip.

"Now I know Dean is a wanker… and I should never believe a word he says…" Tom started slowly, "But he said something about… terrorists and attacks on tourists in Egypt?" Archie sighed deeply.

"Yeah there's been a few kidnappings and stuff, but mostly they're attacking local security forces and police." Archie shrugged, "in reaction to the laws and stuff there." Tom nodded slowly.

"We won't be in any danger will we?"

"Nah." Archie grinned, "I got us treading the well-trodden tourist paths in Egypt." He shrugged, "They're popular tourist destinations for a reason." He explained with a wry grin, "And most of the kidnappings are happening is less touristy areas. We'll be fine."

"That's all I needed to hear." Tom dawdled at a store front for a minute, looking at the clothes in the window longingly before sighing. "No money." He groaned and they continued on.

"You're not used to having no money huh?" Archie asked feeling a bit guilty.

"Not in a long while." Tom agreed, "but it's not because o' you." Tom answered astutely, "It's having multiple big expenses at the same time. Especially the business."

"When we get back, I'll get a job, get your bank balance up again." Archie grinned and Tom shook his head.

"Our bank balance." He corrected, "And have you had a look at our accounts?" Archie shook his head. "We're not in any trouble Archer." Tom told him, "I just wanna have enough money to stay in 5 star hotels the whole time we're away." He said wistfully, "So no new shirts."

"Not gonna happen." Archie chuckled.

"What is it with you and backpacking?' Tom laughed.

"It's not backpacking." Archie shook his head, "I just wanna stay in local hotels, owned by local people. Give some money back to the countries we're visiting."

"And I am positive Archibald, that there are some lovely local people running fabulous five star hotels." Tom said pointedly, "Give some extra money to a good cause; me having a luxurious bed every night."

"You're such a decadent 80s boy." Archie said with a sneer.

"You love it." Tom teased. Archie shook his head but had to laugh at the way Tom grinned. "Plus you know they always overcharge at luxury hotels." Tom said, "More money to the local people is never a bad thing." He gave Archie a meaningful look, "Choose our hotels wisely." Archie groaned as if this was a horrible burden. But the truth was, he had loved every minute of planning this trip and he loved it even more every time Tom increased the budget a little bit.

Archie got into the car behind the driver's wheel and Tom settled in beside him, putting his hand on Archie's thigh.

"Hey…" Tom said hesitantly, "You know how I said I'd been a bit of a tart at the doctor's?" Tom asked gingerly.

"Yeah." Archie turned in his seat to look at Tom.

"I really have." He lowered his eyes.

"Alright." Archie realised that this was weighing on Tom.

"I know I was your first and… well…" He paused. "I've had more lovers than I can count." He said slowly, "a lot of 'em I don't even know their names." He looked up at Archie nervously.

"Not my first blowjob." Archie shrugged with a crooked grin. Tom tried to not scoff and lowered his eyes. "So I guess you wanna tell me about it?" Archie asked.

"I suppose." He answered slowly and hesitated, not knowing how to go forward from here.

"More or less than a hundred?" Archie asked with a grin and Tom laughed.

"I actually don't know." He bit his top lip and looked up at Archie with an apologetic face and Archie chuckled surprised. "But possibly… more…" His face betrayed how worried he was and Archie had to take a moment to absorb that. "Probably… a lot… more."

"Alright." He shook his head.

"I mean considering I went to quite a few orgies where I had several men at once… it's not surprising that…" He stopped, realising that if Archie didn't like what he'd already heard, that bit of information wouldn't help. "I'm sorry." Tom had never before apologised for his sexual appetites. He'd apologised to his mother and sister for being gay once. But never again from that day had he apologised for who he was.

"You don't have to be sorry." Archie told him, worried that he hadn't raised his eyes yet.

"We have sex every day." Tom looked up at him, "Usually more than once…." He shrugged, "I got a high sex drive… very high… and…"

"I did notice." Archie replied with a chuckle and Tom chuckled too before looking away.

"Before you, I um… I didn't want to look at the same face more than a few times before I was done with them. Other than Rhys but he's a fucking master at this stuff and a damn good friend, so I made an exception for him…" He furrowed his brows, "I honestly expected to spend the rest of my life fucking and torturing lots and lots of different men and I was more than happy with that."

"And getting tortured too." Archie grinned but Tom shook his head.

"You'd be surprised how few men really did a good job of torturing me properly. You're quite the master." Archie grinned, very pleased with his praise.

"So when you took me out that first time?" Archie wondered what Tom's plan had been at first.

"I dunno." Tom grinned reminiscently, "I um, I thought you were so fucking cute." He chuckled, "I knew I should keep my fucking hands to myself cos you were young and looked you looked like you were probably a virgin. And I'm a dirty and very slutty, sadomasochist." He looked down at Archie's hands, wanting to take one, "I couldn't stop myself from wanting to get to know you. I figured maybe I could just, guide you a little, so you wouldn't get hurt. You know, be the older gay guy that… helped." He laughed at himself, "I was in over my head from the minute I saw you, Archie." Archie reached forward and took his hand and Tom looked up gratefully, "You know I told Rhys about you just before that first date and said I wanted to guide you… and he joked with me that maybe I had fatherly instincts after all and I said, 'no I don't think of him like a son.' And that fucker said 'oh I know' and gave me that enigmatic smile he gives when he knows something you don't. Bastard. He knew I was in love with you long before I did."

"Yeah I know that smile of his. How the fuck does he know everything?"

"Have a life like his and you learn to be observant I think… learn about human nature." Tom sighed, "I keep thinking that it was just a chance encounter, I nearly just drove past you… And my whole world changed. I could have so easily missed meeting you and still be fucking loads of different men… I'm sure I would have been very happy, I liked my life before you. But I love my life now." He looked Archie in the eyes, "I'm so glad I met you and my whole life changed and everything I thought about myself was turned on its head by a gorgeous, geeky, unassuming, god of a man." He touched Archie's face, "My sex drive has increased since I've been with you." He confessed, "And my temper is down, and I'm calmer, and everything changed. And there was no denial or angst or journey for me. One day I was fucking up a storm with every poofter on the planet, the next day I could only see you and that was that. D'you know after I dropped you off at the chippy on the day we met, I cancelled my date for that night. I thought I was just not feeling up to it. Not feeling 100%." He shook his head, "I didn't realise it, but I belonged to you from the very first moment I saw you."

"So after that first day, you didn't… fuck other guys…?"

"No I did." Tom laughed, "I'm not a fucking saint!" He bit his bottom lip, "But only when the urge to fuck was driving me nuts and wanking wasn't getting it done."

"I know what your sex drive is like." Archie had seen Tom go 24 hours without sex when Archie had been sick; he'd been practically climbing up the walls whilst simultaneously trying to be supportive and caring.

"When I look back on it now, how the fuck did I not know I was in deep?" He laughed, "My reluctance to fuck random guys, no matter how hot they were… and the way I kept checking my appointments to see if you'd booked one in…" He shook his head. "Fuck." He laughed at himself again. "I also had a moment of thinking that maybe we'd just fuck and that'd get you out of my system… but…" He shook his head, "Just made it worse."

"Sneaky fucker aren't I?" Archie grinned, "Got right under your skin, and I'm there to fucking stay Tom. I don't care about your past lovers. And I'm well aware we'll probably invite some random guys into our bed in the future. I know who you are. I've got my eyes wide open, I see you for exactly who you are, and I love you." He watched Tom's face break out into a relieved grin, "I'm just disappointed it weren't a thousand lovers afore me." He joked.

"Fuck it might o' been I dunno." Tom laughed along.

"So I suppose I should tell you what I was thinking in those early days?" Archie asked and Tom grinned, nodding eagerly. "I thought you were the sexiest man I had ever seen. I still do." Archie thought for a moment, "For a while I didn't know if I were gay or not. It were real confusing. I had kissed a lot o' girls. Rae… got a feel of those boobs."

"Lucky bastard." Tom laughed and Archie chuckled. "Although I have nestled me head in them!" He grinned.

"For gay men we really do love boobs." He agreed.

"What's not to like?" Tom asked, "They're just lovely, aren't they?" Archie nodded. "anyway…" Tom nodded for him to continue.

"And I kissed guys… but I felt nothing."

"Because your full sexuality wasn't being met." Tom said wisely and Archie nodded.

"I knew I were gay after I kissed a guy named Barney at a party at Rae's place. We kissed in spin the bottle and that were nothing. But then we talked for hours and he kissed me again, and there was something so rough and insistent about it… almost violent. I was hard for hours after that." Archie chuckled, "While he slept beside me I thought about aggressively fucking him." He smiled reminiscently, "I was so happy to finally pin it down. To finally know I was gay. And I had a couple of encounters, a couple of blowjobs… and I loved it all… but I kept thinking about Barney and the way he kissed. And of course your Greek god face!" Tom laughed, "When we started boxing… it felt like raw sexual violence… And I wanted it." Archie said meaningfully. "When we started fucking, I tried not to let myself get too emotionally attached to you, because you very obviously were the sort of guy that didn't make lasting relationships." Tom nodded slowly, "So I repressed how I felt, and pretended that I was just enjoying fucking you, and learning what it was to be a sadomasochist, because you had shown me what I was. What it had been about that kiss with Barney that had woken me up. And when you said you loved me. I knew I loved you. I knew I'd loved you from day one. But I hadn't let myself even come close to acknowledging it until that moment, because I was sure you'd eventually get bored of me and fly away." Archie smiled ruefully, "But from the moment I acknowledged that I loved you, I knew I couldn't live without you." Tom kissed his lips passionately. They lost track of time, kissing, getting lost in each other's taste when there was a knock on the windscreen. They looked up to see a male police officer peering in. He motioned for Tom to lower his window and Tom did. The police officer looked in the car at both of them, ensuring they were both still fully dressed.

"It's illegal to commit lewd acts in public." He said and Tom nodded towards a couple of teenagers, no more than 16 years old, leaning up against a wall kissing, a few rows away.

"What about them?" The police officer turned to look at the teenagers for a moment and then turned back to Tom and Archie. He peered at Archie closely.

"I'm gonna need to see some ID." He said emotionlessly, but with a real sense of satisfaction.

"And why's that officer?" Tom asked as he pulled out his wallet with an unimpressed expression.

"I'm officer of the law, I can ask for identification at any time I please." He replied as he looked at Tom's ID, and then looked back at Archie, "But sir, just so you know, if that boy is a day under 18, I'll be putting you away for a long time." He smiled smugly and held out his hand for Archie's ID. Archie looked back at the heterosexual teenagers as he pulled out his wallet. Their legal age was 16. His was 18. He handed his ID to the officer and watched his smile fall slightly.

"And how long have you two upstanding citizens been dating?" He asked. Tom looked back at Archie.

"A week." Archie answered firmly and Tom had to stop himself from smiling.

"You kiss like that after a week?" The officer asked. Tom and Archie shared a glance; how long had he been watching them kiss?

"Don't you know officer, all us poofters are sluts… that's why AIDS gets around." Tom quipped and the officer gave him an unimpressed look as he handed back their ID.

"I didn't make the law, I just uphold it." He answered, "Have a nice day."

"You too officer." Archie replied, Tom nodding in agreement with a tight smile. As soon as he was out of earshot Tom made a disgusted noise.

"Fucking homophobe." He muttered and Archie shook his head as he watched the officer walk right past the heterosexual teenagers.

"We are never telling anyone, other than the gang, how old I was when we first had sex, alright?" Archie said firmly and Tom gave a grim look.

"Shouldn't have to hide." He shook his head, "Should have the same age of consent."

"I know there's nothing wrong with what we did." Archie understood; having different ages of consent implied that there was something inherently wrong, or more dangerous, or needing more maturity in homosexual sex than in heterosexual sex. "But the law is not on our side, and I would not cope with the lonely nights I'd have to endure while you're in jail." Tom sighed and nodded.

"We keep a secret then." He watched the cop until he was out of view, moodily sucking his teeth.

"Wanna order in some shit food and watch a b-grade horror movie?" Archie asked and Tom turned a grinning face to his.

"Almost the perfect night." He stroked Archie's hair, "But I'll make us something nice to eat instead, alright?"

"If I ever say no to your cooking, you know an alien has taken over my body." Archie started the car and drove them home, enjoying the way Tom's fingers traced patterns on his thighs, higher and higher until he was rubbing Archie's cock through his jeans. Archie took a wrong turn deliberately and smiled deviously at Tom. Tom gave him that beautiful open mouthed grin and slowly unzipped Archie's fly, his tongue slowly licking his top lip as he took Archie's erect cock out of his pants.

"Oops, another wrong turn." Archie faked an apologetic tone, "I'm still not used to driving to my new home." He took another wrong turn, knowing exactly where he was going and Tom slowly lowered his mouth to Archie's cock, "When will I ever not get lost driving home?" He asked before groaning deeply.

_'Secret' by Madonna_

"Third day in a row." Izzy noted Elsa's empty car park with a worried grimace before heading off to class.

"What are you gonna do on your free?" Rae asked Finn and he shrugged, his eyes on the empty car park. "Gotta try and learn all me fucking lines for drama!" He complained and Rae gave him a kiss.

"Thanks for still doing drama with me."

"I kinda like it now." He laughed, "It's been a lot o' fun."

"Oh aye?" She asked with surprise and he shrugged, "Well I'll see you at lunch yeah?" They kissed deeply, Finn's deep desire to have her, making him groan more than once before the kiss was finished. She was breathless and the look on her face said she'd rather be fucking than going to her lesson, but reluctantly she turned to leave. Finn had a lot of free time this year, he was only doing English, physics and performing arts; he didn't count physical education because he only showed up half the time, which was just enough to keep him in the running to play the AFL match later in the school year. Rae was doing five classes, as was Izzy and Chloe. They were very busy. Finn needed the extra study time though, it took him a lot longer to get the concepts in English and performing arts than the girls. Physics was a doddle though. He looked at his watch and back at Elsa's empty car park. It was 9:30 in the morning, and he had until 12:30 before he had to be back for lunch with Rae.

Without giving himself too much time to think about it he jumped on his motorbike. Rae and he liked bringing in the bike in the warmer months and he loved the bike his father had bought him. Rae was going to learn how to ride the scooter so they could both have a bike.

He was knocking on her door before he knew it, having successfully not let himself think on the entire trip over here. There was a longer pause than usual before she opened the door, wearing a black singlet and back underwear, her hair a loose mess, flowing down her back. She had no makeup on, and was carrying a cup of tea, and Finn saw a beautiful tattoo on her upper thigh that he averted his eyes from immediately.

"What are you doing here?" She asked him, shaking her head.

"Everyone's worried cos you been away for three days." He answered honestly, without adding that he was particularly worried.

"So you appointed yourself messenger boy for everyone?" She asked and he shook his head.

"No there was a vote, and a ceremony to give me my sacred duties…" She chuckled. "Can I come in?" He asked, "I gotta pick up the undercoat I left here anyway, cos it turns out that Nelson men are like father like son." Elsa pulled a face at him, "me da thumped a hole in the wall… also because he's an inarticulate dick who fucked it up with the woman he loves." Finn grinned. "I figured two birds, one stone. Get the undercoat, see if you was ok." He saw a moment of vulnerability in her eyes and became even more worried about her. But it was covered immediately and she nodded once, opening the door wider for him. She closed the door and headed straight to her bedroom to get some pants and Finn felt his eyes drop straight to her arse.

"Holy mother of god." He muttered silently to himself and looked away immediately. Her arse in black underwear was quite a spectacular sight and Finn chastised himself for looking, standing at the door, waiting for her to return before heading into her laundry to get the undercoat. Elsa wasn't too fussed about Finn seeing her like this, he'd already undone her dressing gown and seen her partially naked, what was a singlet and a pair of knickers in comparison to that? She came back into the lounge room doing up a pair of jeans, a lit cigarette hanging from her lips.

"You know where the laundry is." She sat down on the lounge cross legged and sipped her tea.

"Right." Finn said awkwardly, noticing the lack of bra as she sat down and her breasts moved freely. He noticed that she wasn't even looking at him, she'd picked up a novel: 'Candy' by Luke Davies and was chewing the skin around her thumb nail, cigarette in hand as she read. Finn ambled off to the laundry and found the undercoat in the cupboard under the sink where he'd left it. She clearly never went near that cupboard; all her laundry detergents were on the shelf above the washing machine. He put the can of undercoat near the door and looked back over to Elsa, taking a few steps into the lounge room.

"I can bring it back when I'm done if you want?"

"You paid for it, it's yours." She shrugged and looked up at him. She watched him for a moment as he struggled to find some words to say. "Go on then," She said, resigned, "Make yourself a cuppa." He clearly had something he wanted to talk about and Elsa was rather fond of Finn, so she'd give him a bit of her time. He grinned lopsidedly and nodded his head before shuffling off to the kitchen, his head lowered, his hands in his pockets. Elsa shook her head and looked back down at her book, determined to read to a good stopping point before he got back from the kitchen.

He sat back down with the cup of tea and looked at her as she closed her book and put it on the coffee table.

"You don't look sick." Finn said immediately, blunt curiosity on his face.

"I'm not." She answered, "I just needed some time." They looked at each other for a moment, Finn with furrowed brows and Elsa with an imperious glare.

"For what?" He asked and she sighed.

"Finn it's not really your business."

"I know." He lowered his eyes. "But… But a lot o' people are worried. And… they care about you." He shrugged and Elsa watched him fumble with his cigarettes momentarily before lighting up, sucking heavily on the smoke.

"You mean you're worried about me." She said astutely and he looked up and nodded.

"Aye." He answered, "I care about you Elsa. You been in at school when you looked like you was dying o' the black plague… and now you've had three days away and… you seem fine. What's happening?" He saw the momentary vulnerability again, but this time it was not so quickly or so well hidden. "Elsa…" He tried to coax it out of her, "I know it's not me business, and I know you're conflicted cos I'm a student… but you've helped me so much and… I just wanna know you're ok."

"I'm fine." She answered in an even tone. He sighed, frustrated, and looked away. "Is that everything you wanted to talk about Finn?" Elsa asked and Finn knew she was meaning to ask him to leave in a moment.

"You know next week?"

"The drama competition?" Elsa asked and Finn nodded, "what about it?" She asked with a look in her eye that told Finn she had an idea of what he was about to say.

"What… what are the sleeping arrangements?" He asked, not even sure why he was asking. He knew it would be fine with Rae and Phillip.

"I am intending to force Rae and Phil to sleep in a single bed in a tiny room far away from my prying ears so they can get up to who knows what." Elsa answered with a stern face that became truly lovely when the small cheeky grin at the end of her sentence was allowed a moment of expression.

"Aye alright!" Finn waved her off and she chuckled.

"I thought you were getting over all of that?" Elsa said, "It looked like your jealousy was… lessening."

"It is." He answered, "But… I told him to tell her how he feels." Finn said, "To take her out to dinner and do his best."

"Ah." Elsa answered, "The result you're after is that she will tell him to fuck off, and Phil, having done his best, will be convinced to give up finally." Elsa said astutely, "Because you know that while there's the tiniest chance or hope, Phil will keep trying." Finn nodded, "And if he doesn't feel like he's given it his all, he'll feel like he should try a little harder."

"You got it." Finn grinned grimly.

"So your biggest rival is going to take out your girlfriend for dinner while at the drama camp? How delicious." Elsa said with a devious smile, "Does Rae know this is coming?" Finn nodded grimly, "Well that's nice and awkward." She laughed, "Still it's better than the constant pissing competition you two have been engaging in." She shook her head.

"That's what I thought. That's why I arranged it." He shrugged.

"Did you not think that I might be planning where they're eating each night?" Elsa asked and Finn's jaw dropped.

"No I thought…"

"That I'd just be letting students under my care wander off wherever they wanted?"

"Fuck." Finn lowered his eyes. Elsa watched his struggle with curiosity.

"Why don't you three just have a threesome?" She teased, "You're teenagers, why are you taking everything so seriously?"

"Are you actually encouraging deviant sexual practices?" Finn asked and Elsa laughed. "Leading my fragile teenage mind astray." He teased.

"I don't think that's possible." She shook her head and Finn looked at her closely; her words surprising him.

"All teenagers, or just me?" He almost wished he hadn't asked when he saw the grin fall from her face.

"Most teenagers are deviants. They don't need my help." She picked up her cup of tea and finished it off.

"You meant me." He said, "You meant I'm a deviant. That you couldn't lead me astray cos I'm already astray." He felt a knot in his stomach; conflicted sexual attraction. She sucked on her cigarette and shrugged.

"You are a bit forward." She said eventually.

"And?" He prodded and she shook her head.

"I may have noticed things in you that…" She shrugged, "Are…" She shook her head and pulled out another cigarette lighting it from the end of the last one. "You seem to have tendencies." She finished after a pause. Finn nodded his head slowly.

"I have a very dark side." He agreed, "some of the things I…" He lowered his eyes. "You know I've often thought that I would've been very happy with someone like you." He said softly, "Being in a haram of fucktoys." He grinned cynically, "having orgies and all that sort of… stuff." He shook his head. "I would have been happy with you." He held Elsa's eyes, waiting to see how she'd respond, expecting some talk about how he simply wanted what he couldn't have.

"I know." She answered to his surprise. He felt a thrill of excitement inside of him. She wasn't denying this side of him, and it felt wonderfully validating.

"I…" He lowered his eyes, not able to believe that he was going to say this, but knowing if he didn't now, he never would, "I have feelings for you." He confessed.

"I know." She said gently.

"Strong feelings." Now that he was letting himself admit to it, he allowed himself to fully feel those feelings for a moment. "Very strong feelings," he corrected, his brows furrowing. Elsa remained silent. "And Rae has feelings for Phil." He sighed.

"I know." Elsa gave him a reassuring smile.

"We're together and we both have feelings for other people." He shook his head slowly. "How it is even possible to love someone as much as I love Rae and…?" He looked up at her, "how can I have feelings for you when I love Rae as much as I do?"

"Because contrary to popular fictional romance standards, the human heart is very capable of loving multiple people." She shrugged, "I think I'm proof of that."

"And Rae…" He lowered his eyes, "I used to feel so jealous about her growing feelings for him, but now I feel calm about it." He shook his head, "It's so weird."

"She doesn't know that she has those sorts of feelings for Phil."

"My turn to say 'I know.'" Finn grinned humourlessly, "She will after this dinner." He sighed, "Why is it all so complicated?"

"People are never attracted to just one person Finn." Elsa said, "Nor do they just love one person." Finn nodded, acknowledging just how right she was, "A lot of people manage to segregate love; this is romantic love, this is friendship love… all that rubbish…"

"But love is just love." He understood.

"That's right. So everyone loves more than one person… and in fact most people love more than one person in a way that makes them want to be with that person." Elsa gave him a sad smile, "A lot of people think that you can only love one person like that at a time. But that's not true." She blew out smoke from her cigarette, "Most people kill off the love they feel for others for the sake of monogamy, out of fear that loving someone else lessens the love you feel for your primary partner. Or that it makes that love less special or less real. It doesn't. It's such a limiting idea that you can only love one person at a time. And I intensely dislike the idea that love can only be valid or real if you only love one person. The love I feel for my lovers is no less real than the love you feel for Rae." Elsa shrugged, "Polyamory works for me because I know I can love more than one person at a time. I don't think I have to close all other doors to love a person to the fullest of my abilities. I love all of my partners so much… I am hopelessly in love with all of them. And they all love me. Which is good, because I am a difficult and demanding woman… and I need a lot of love."

"You know sometimes polyamory sounds like the best thing… sometimes I wish I could have it. And in those moments I regret that… you would never go for me."

"That's not true." Elsa answered, understanding what Finn needed and letting him have it.

"What?" His eyes widened slightly.

"I don't believe in closing doors Finn." She told him sincerely, "In the right circumstances…" She took a deep breath, "I don't like saying this to a student, you understand?" He nodded, "But…" She shrugged, "In the right circumstances I most certainly would… enjoy your company." Finn sat with that for a moment.

"Are you serious?" He asked finally, "You'd actually fuck me?"

"In the right circumstances. Yes." Finn felt a strange lightness overcome him. Part of his problem with the idea of Phil and Rae was that Phil was Rae's candle and he wanted her, while Elsa, Finn's candle, didn't want him.

"Why?" He asked slowly.

"You're excruciatingly attractive and you have the right tendencies." She answered, "Feel better now?" She asked, aware of why he had needed to hear this from her. Aware of the comparison he drew between herself and Phillip.

"Aye." He answered, "Are you bullshitting me to make me feel better?" Elsa grinned.

"You decide what you wanna believe."

"D'you have feelings for me?" He pushed.

"Finn…" She shook her head and gave him an annoyed look.

"The truth." He said, "I know you got your morals or ethics or whatever… I'm a student and all that… but I'm not under 18 anymore… and that age limit thing is total bollocks by the way!" He told her, "I know I'm a student, but I am your friend too…"

"Why is the age thing bollocks?" She changed the topic slightly.

"Cos at 17 Elsa I were ready for you, I would o' fucked you till you couldn't breathe and been perfectly fine with whatever supposed consequences you reckon would o' come from that."

"Rae." Elsa reminded him.

"Except for Rae, obviously!" He snapped, "I mean in a world where I didn't know Rae. And it were just you… I'm no more ready for you now that I've crossed that imaginary line than I were back then. I were ready for you the moment I saw you. Still am. Except for Rae obviously." He added, "Why'd you come up with that line?"

"I… knew… know… a man, that I have known since he was a 14 year old boy." She chose her words carefully, "I got him out of a very bad situation and helped find him a home and got him back into school and a couple of friends of mine helped him out with… various things and… I talked to him once a month to make sure he was doing ok. Usually on the phone, sometimes in person. But I felt a sense of guardianship over him, even though in the legal and even real sense, I didn't have that…" Finn had a feeling she was talking about Rhys. "When I went to visit him on his 16th birthday, he'd gotten a job that he still loves to this day, and he was very happy, finally. And because he was happy, instead of focusing wholeheartedly on trying to get his life back together, he started to notice things, like, that other boys his age where chasing after girls." Finn watched her smoking as she told him this part of her history. "And he propositioned me… very…" She started to chuckle, "Very formally." Finn watched her eyes light up with memory, "And I felt… concerned that he felt beholden to me because I had gotten him out of an unsafe situation. And I felt concerned about the age difference and the power difference and… I still felt like I was his guardian." Finn lit up another cigarette, fascinated by what he was sure was Rhys's story, "So when I said no, he asked why and I tried to explain it and he asked me at what age would my concerns go away. In a very serious way; like he was gonna take notes and make the situation better, not like he was angry or thought I was wrong" She shook her head, "Cheeky bastard. He threw me for six. I had no idea how to answer, so he persisted asking me at what age would he be good enough, be seen to be man enough, be ready, in my eyes. He reminded me that given the life he'd already had, perhaps I was underestimating him based on a number. So I blurted out 18." Elsa chuckled, "I'd never had a lad hit on me before, always men, so it was new territory." Finn laughed; the lads at school hit on her quite regularly, and he had seen firsthand that she handled this kind of thing much better now. "And he nodded his head and said, '18 then.' I figured that in those two years, he'd forget about it and find a girl his own age." She grinned. "And that age rule stuck after that." She shrugged, "In reality Finn… in regards to your age, yeah you probably were ready. And I've known people older than you that were not ready for someone like me. But I have that rule and I stick to it, arbitrary as it is."

"Glad you admit it." He said smugly and she shook her head unimpressed, "What happened?" Finn asked, but Elsa did not reply, "With Rhys, what happened?" Elsa chuckled.

"Should o' known you'd see who it was." She muttered at him with a reluctant grin. "We had the same regular contact for the next two years, he didn't mention it again." She said with a demure smile.

"And?" Finn asked, "We both know it didn't end there."

"Finn!" Elsa said.

"What?" He shrugged, "The whole gang, Chloe included, already know you two fucked." He told her and she rolled her eyes. "So what happened?" She sighed and gave in.

"And on the day before his 18th birthday, he showed up on my doorstep at about 1 minute to midnight." She shook her head fondly. "Determined, cheeky, bastard." Finn laughed. "He didn't give me one hint of expecting me to do it, he just… wanted me. So he made sure he was available, should I choose to go through with it."

"Sounds like Rhys." He nodded his head, "Did you have sex with him then?"

"I reckon you've heard enough of that story!" Elsa threw her matches at him and he batted them away with a grin.

"Yeah you had sex with him." He grinned.

"I did." She agreed with a contrite look, "And it was really good!" They laughed.

"I bet." Finn shook his head.

"Oh Finn, interested in Rhys?" Elsa asked with a suggestive tone.

"Aaah." Finn answered slowly, "I dunno…" He laughed, "Hadn't thought about it." And he realised that this was as snapshot of what life could have been, how she would have pushed him, how much fun it would have been to be schooled by her.

"Oh how could you have not thought about it?" She grinned. "You know if I'm honest, he was more than ready for me at 16… I wasn't ready for him. He… consumes his lovers completely. You forget who you are when you're making love with him. It's… quite remarkable. If you ever wanna explore men… make an exception to your heterosexuality; I would highly recommend Rhys." Finn laughed and shook his head, "Don't worry, I think Rhys is an exception to most people's rules."

"So are you." Finn replied and she nodded slowly.

"Yeah I suppose I am." She shrugged, "But Rhys… He is the epitome of the perfect man." She continued, "But then I know a few of those.' She nodded cheekily.

"Oh right?" Finn laughed, "And who's at the top of that perfect pile?" Her face dropped slightly, the smile turning from cheeky to reminiscent.

"Rafael."

"Tell me about him?" Finn asked and Elsa grinned gently.

"My first real love." She opened her eyes wide as if it were a shock that she had ever had a first love. "Not the first person I fucked, or my first relationship," She shook her head "No, he was the first person I ever fell in love with… he made even me think that monogamy might not be such a bad thing… for a while anyway." She grinned at his surprised face, "We all wonder what it's like on the other side o' the fence sometimes Finn." She told him.

"What was he like?" She lowered her eyes in reminiscing, a smile playing across her face.

"Kind." She said almost sadly, "I'll never forget how kind he was. And funny and… He looked a bit like you, you know. But with blue eyes and darker hair." Suddenly a memory went off in Finn's head.

"Has he got a twin named Dominick?" He asked surprised and Elsa's mouth opened in surprise.

"How d'you know Dominick…?" And then realisation, "I'm gonna have to have a chat to Mr O'Daire! Inviting you to that club!" She shook her head. "Unbelievable." She scoffed, "How was he?"

"Um… Rough… and commanding?" Finn asked and Elsa laughed.

"I don't mean the fucking, I mean… was he…?" She shook her head, "Happy?"

"He asked Rae and me for a threesome."

"Oh do it!" She laughed, "Oh he's so good in bed." She answered, "Get him off that stage and he's…" She stopped and suddenly laughed. "God what am I fucking saying?" She chuckled, "I forgot who I'm talking to."

"I don't think threesomes are something Rae and I are interested in." He agreed, "We seem to be doing a pretty good job of keeping each other happy the way we are." Elsa nodded.

"Your relationship with Rae brings out certain personality qualities. Different relationships bring out different things." Elsa agreed, "If you were with someone like me, we'd be having threesomes and that kind of thing. With Rae, you are more exclusive… that's what suits your relationship with her…" She shrugged, "it's not for me. But it works for you, so it's perfect."

"She's my sun, you know?"

"And in that metaphor that makes me… the moon." She said slowly.

"A candle." He corrected and she shook her head.

"I'd bring out your dark side, I'm not a source of light for you. I'm the moon." Finn shook his head.

"Aye, but the moon can eclipse the sun and-"

"And I nearly did." She said and he had to acknowledge that. "And eclipses aren't permanent. You would have regretted it if you'd fucked me." She told him and he nodded.

"I know. I'm very glad you stopped me."

"I think you would have stopped yourself at some point.' She said. "Maybe not the first time we fucked, or maybe before the first time, or maybe after the tenth time… but you wouldn't have lasted the whole night without stopping yourself." He felt genuinely uplifted.

"Thanks." He was happy she had some faith in him; he wasn't sure he deserved it.

"So is Phil Rae's candle or moon?" Elsa asked herself, "Definitely candle." She answered, "But a strong, pillar candle." Finn chuckled, enjoying the way she went with his metaphor.

"Are you gonna let them have the dinner?"

"Tuesday night I presume?" Finn nodded in reply. "Alright." She replied and he smiled in a grim thank you. "Don't fret Finn." She told him, "Rae does not love Phil as much as she loves you." She looked at him sympathetically, "Just like you don't love me as much as you love Rae." Finn looked at her for a long time.

"No." He agreed, "But I do…" he said softly, "I do love you." She nodded.

"Never tell a soul, but I love you too Finn." She said with apparent honesty, but Finn still had to wonder if she was just telling him what he wanted to hear, "But not in a way that I'll ever lose sleep over." He laughed. He had a feeling that Elsa loved a lot of people and that if she had actually meant what she said, he wasn't a special case for her, not like she was for him. But that was ok.

"You always make me feel better about the things I feel." He said.

"Because I remind you that everyone is complicated." She sighed, "Unfortunately nothing is ever clean or simple or perfect, no matter how much we want it to be." She shrugged, "People have complicated minds and feelings and lives. And a lot of people repress a lot of what they feel." She said sadly, "But you're not doing that. You're trying to have a completely honest relationship with Rae, where you both put your hearts and souls completely on the line, in the open… I admire that. But it does mean," She said pointedly, "That you don't get to repress those hard emotions that might threaten your relationship or be difficult to admit… so… you both have to admit that you have feelings for other people; even other people like me… it doesn't change your feelings for Rae."

"Not one bit."

"Does it make you yearn for something you can't have?" She asked and Finn thought on this.

"You'd think it would." He said, "Admitting feelings that people normally repress… but it's just really freeing actually." He shrugged, "For me anyway." He considered her question again, "I know there's a small part of me that wants this life with you… but the vast, overwhelmingly vast, majority of me can't think of a life without Rae." He sorted through it all, "I think that had I tried to repress the part of myself that could enjoy this lifestyle… I think it would have grown." He realised.

"Like a mushroom in the dark." Elsa said knowingly, "You're not the kind of person that does well with repressing, and neither is Rae. You both feel things too keenly, too deeply and your repressed feelings end up manifesting themselves in very unhealthy ways. I have a friend, Kester, who says that shining a light on things is for the best, and it's one of the few things we agree on." She grinned. "Cos knowing what's inside of you, means you can properly address it and deal with it." Finn took a moment to agree before turning his mind to something else.

"I know Kester." Finn said with a sly grin.

"I thought you might." She shrugged.

"You and Kester?" He asked suggestively.

"What about us?" She asked in a tone that he couldn't quite read.

"You're… friends right?"

"Yes." She answered with an unreadable expression and Finn nodded slowly.

"Right." He replied slowly. "Just friends?"

"You make it sounds like being friends is a terrible thing." She laughed him off, "So how is your house building going?" She asked him, returning to the metaphor she'd used for a relationship many months ago, and he let the topic of Kester go and thought about her question.

"Good." He said, "I think I'm leaning how to love without being selfish." He answered, "We talk pretty honestly." He said, "Although I do still keep some things to myself." He furrowed his brows, "She pointed out to me yester that I kinda act like she's a victim… I do feel like I have to protect her from me." He said, "From the worst parts of myself." He picked at his nails, "So I'm working on that."

"The worst parts of yourself?" Elsa asked, "What does that mean?" Finn shrugged.

"Like I said, I have a dark side."

"Oh yeah, terrify me with it." She invited him to tell her about it.

"I think that I might have… some sadistic tendencies." He said slowly.

"And some masochistic ones." Elsa returned, "I know 'em when I see 'em." She nodded.

"I worry that it's too much for her. You know she's been through a lot… and she can be fragile sometimes. Vulnerable…"

"She's also incredibly strong." Elsa reminded him.

"I know."

"And if you treat her like she's fragile all the time, she will become as fragile as you treat her." Elsa said, "It's not up to you to decide what she can and can't handle."

"It's up to her I know.' He sighed, "It's hard to kill off the protective part of me."

"You don't have to kill off the protective part of yourself." She lit up another cigarette, "You just have to know when to use it."

"Oh aye, and when's that?" He shook his head, thinking that he was very bad with that kind of thing.

"When she asks you to."

"What if she doesn't wanna put me out or disappoint me, so she don't ask?" Finn asked worried.

"Well you gotta trust her to do the right thing." Elsa said, "And for that to happen, you need to create the kind of relationship that she can always be honest in." Realisation came to Finn.

"I have to tell her I have feelings for you." He said with real fear and Elsa nodded.

"It's only fair; you know about Phil." Elsa pulled her legs out of being crossed and put her feet on the table. "And honesty is an important part of the type of relationship you're trying to build."

"Do I tell her what…?" He stopped himself from using a euphemism and spoke clearly, "Do I tell her I kissed you?"

"You weren't with her when it happened, so I'd normally say no." Elsa considered his question, "But you've realised you have feelings for me so… it's relevant, I think." She shrugged, "But it's up to you. You have to decide what's right for you in your relationship with Rae. And she has to decide what's right for her." Finn nodded.

"What about burdening her with it, like you said before?" He asked, thinking about how the Chloe kiss had hurt Rae.

"Well," Elsa considered, "Sometimes you can burden someone with a lie." She said, "Especially if the situation is ongoing. Had you just kissed me and felt nothing for me, the situation would be over but…" Finn nodded

"It's not over cos I have feelings for you, and I probably always will."

"Hm." Elsa agreed, "And she's not the same person anymore." Elsa said, "She won't take it the same way she would have nine months ago." Finn nodded, understanding just how true that was.

"I have to tell her." He thought about Rae asking about how it was that he knew Elsa so well, how he'd felt his eye twitch as he had had to lie to her about it, how he spent the next few hours hoping she hadn't seen the eye twitch. He hated having this secret from her. Hated lying to her. But more than that, he wanted them to both be completely naked together, and that meant complete honesty. He knew their relationship could survive this. It was surviving Phillip just fine.

"I would do it after the drama camp." Elsa said with a wry grin, "I want her to win!" Finn laughed.

"She's really got a shot hasn't she?" He asked and Elsa nodded.

"That piece her and Phil wrote is very powerful and he is a superb actor, and the last 6 months has seen a marked improvement in her acting; she's incredible now. They have a real chance to win this." Finn saw the excitement in her eyes and understood why Rae had chosen the piece with Phil over the piece with him to go to when she thought she could only go to one. There was far less chance that their piece would win.

"I'll wait till after." He grinned, "I want her to win too. I want her to be happy more than anything."

"Seems to me like you've got communication improving all the time. But I think your foundation slab; trust, is lacking a little bit." Elsa returned to their conversation and Finn nodded.

"Not in the ways that most people think though." He said, "I trust her not to cheat or shit like that." He said.

"You don't trust her to take care of herself." Elsa said and he nodded.

"I don't trust her to do what's right by herself." He agreed, "And that means that sometimes I don't believe her when she says she's fine with something or she wants something, especially if I want it too." Elsa lit up another cigarette, Finn following suit.

"You got a nice commitment fence." She grinned, "And roof of love waiting to get propped up on shaky communication walls."

"Cos the communication won't improve til I can trust the words coming out of her mouth." Finn sighed. "Sometimes I'm a right fuck up at this stuff." He groaned. "Fuck, why am I saying sometimes?" He chuckled grimly.

"Don't be so hard on yourself." She said, "Be as kind to yourself as you are to Rae." Finn's brows furrowed, "And as compassionate as you are to Rae, be that to yourself too." Finn nodded slowly, his mind taking that in. "Tell me Finn, what chance did you have to learn how to be in a healthy relationship of any kind?" He looked at her for a moment, for some reason that thought made tears sting at his eyes and he looked down.

"None." He said, his mother had left when he was too young to ever really learn from his parents how a relationship worked.

"Neither has Rae." Elsa added, "So you two are doing a fucking fantastic job." Finn smiled sadly.

"Aye." He agreed, feeling warmth spread through his chest.

"And don't fucking forget it." She said, "This monogamous, 'you're the one' stuff might not be for me. But I look at the way you two love each other and the way you both work and fight for each other, and I admire you both."

"Thanks Elsa."

"Work on trusting. Work on creating a good foundation. Make an environment in which she can speak her mind at all times, without worry that you'll leave her for it." Elsa told him, "So you can learn to trust her to take care of herself, so that you can believe her when she says she's ok."

"It'd be nice to not worry so much." Finn agreed.

"You've put in all the hard work you knew it was gonna take to be with her." She said with a grin, "You're one hell of a man, Finn." Finn looked up at her gratefully, "you went into this with your eyes open, knowing it would be a battle, knowing it would be hard for the rest of your life… and you haven't flinched once. And look at how she's grown, because you never let her down." And the stinging at his eye produced tears. He sucked his bottom lip and wiped them away quickly, taking a deep breath.

"I've made so many mistakes though." He shook his head.

"And you've gotten right back up and tried again." She told him, "So you're not perfect. So you didn't know the right way to do absolutely everything. It's not the mistakes that make you who you are, it's how you correct them that tells me all about your character. I know exactly who you are. And so does Rae."

"She trust me so much." Finn shook his head, "She's always a step ahead o' me with this relationship stuff." He laughed. "She prob'ly always will be. That's my girl, though innit? Fucking brilliant."

"She is one of a kind." Elsa agreed.

"You love her too, don't you?" Finn asked and Elsa smiled fondly.

"I'm very protective of Rae," Elsa nodded her head to indicate that she did love Rae, "But you two are gonna kill me!" She laughed, "I've never had students get under my skin so much." She gave him a pretend unimpressed look and he laughed.

"When we get outta that place, tell me that us three are gonna be mates. Proper like?"

"I'd like to see how it turns out for you two." She agreed and Finn took that as an affirmation of their future friendship. "Though I won't go to the pub with you fucking alcoholics!" She laughed and then a thought came to her, "Tell me that Tom isn't leading you all too far astray."

"I forgot that you'd know him too."

"A little." She agreed, "Enough to have seen him and Rhys fucking, totally high!" She laughed.

"Jesus Christ!" Finn laughed shaking his head, "Well no such behaviour nowadays." He reported.

"Good. Although I do hope he hasn't calmed down too much… he's a lot of fun."

"A lot of fun?" Finn asked surprised.

"There's more than one type of fun, you pervert!" She chuckled, "He's gay Finn!"

"Yeah, but he did say something about Pandora…"

"Oh god!" Elsa shook her head, but clearly was not going to say any more about that topic.

"So did you introduce Rhys to that club?" Finn was surprised to see her shake her head.

"No, he introduced me when he was 19." She said and he saw a strange look in her eye that he couldn't read. Finn decided to let it drop.

"So I come here to try and help you, and all that happens is you help me." Finn shook his head and Elsa shrugged to indicate it was fine, she didn't mind. "Please let me help you." Finn said earnestly, "Talking always makes me feel better nowadays." He grinned to think about how much he hated talking before he met Rae. He saw that vulnerability in her eyes again. "I'll bet you haven't let yourself talk to anyone about it, whatever it is." He said and Elsa gave a slight nod.

"I'd normally talk to Lysa, but she's visiting family in America." She said softly.

"Well I'm right here." He leaned forward and silently waited.

"Remember how I told Rae about my grass tattoo?" Finn nodded. "The guy I left… the guy that had been starving me to make me skinny?" She jogged his memory and he nodded, "He's the one that actually moved me over to the UK from Australia." She drew on her cigarette. "I haven't seen him since I left him. We were in Northern Ireland when I left. I figured he'd stay there and I'd be safe here." She was silent for a long time. "He's in Stamford." Her brows furrowed and Finn saw a hollowed out look in her eyes that left him in no doubt of the trauma this man had put her through. "And I just don't wanna see him." She said simply. "He's here for a conference." She said, "He's a doctor. The conference was advertised in the local papers. He's a keynote speaker." Finn's mouth opened in surprise. "He'll be gone tomorrow." She shrugged.

"I think it's fine to not wanna see someone that hurt you." Finn replied and she smiled at him.

"I know." She replied, "But I always imagined that if I saw him I would embark upon giving him a long, thorough and well-deserved arse-kicking!" Finn chuckled with her, "But it turns out, I just don't wanna see him. I don't want him to know that I live in Stamford now." She shook her head. "So I am hanging about my house until he's gone."

"Well if you're running out o' milk or something, I can bring you some." Elsa gave him a genuine smile.

"Thanks Finn. But I am still having company, and I can just ask them to bring that sort of thing with them."

"Alright, well if you need anything?"

"Thanks." She repeated. "Let's go back to talking about you. I'm more comfortable that way."

"Oh right!" He chuckled, but after a moment he looked up at Elsa, "D'you think Phil could have made Rae happy?"

"Undoubtedly." She watched Finn nod, "But does Rae think that? Because hers is the only opinion that matters on this."

"Gonna find out on Tuesday." Finn said, "Well I won't find out till Wednesday when I get there." He sighed.

"So you got a week." Elsa said, "Till you find out what you already know." She shrugged.

"I got a week till I find out how she reacts to realising how she actually feels about Phil. A week till I see what emotional fallout there might be from the whole thing."

_'Purple Haze' by Jimi Hendrix_

"You could just call her Izabella." Finn shook his head grumpily and Woody gave him an incredulous look.

"I'm not gonna call her by her fucking name." Woody looked like this was an obvious answer to Finn's scruples.

"It's a fucking Hendrix song!" Finn shot back.

"I know that." Woody shook his head, "But it's also her fucking name!" He retorted, "Fucking hell Watchtower, you think you're gonna fucking teach me about Hendrix?" Finn rolled his eyes. Woody had been giving them all nicknames based around Jimi Hendrix songs. Rae was 'Foxy Lady,' Finn was 'All Along the Watchtower.' He'd just named Izzy 'Little Wing' and Chloe 'Voodoo Child.' Other members of their makeshift school lunchtime gang also had nicknames, James was 'Manic Depression' and Phil was 'If 6 was 9,' but that was just shortened to 'If' or '69'. Bethany was 'Fire' and Macca, who had mysteriously started sitting with them too was 'Ezy Rider.' And Woody was of course, 'Purple Haze.' Rae listened to Finn and Woody arguing; Finn had wanted more lads, but the lads he had were making him grumpy as fuck. It was just the three of them at the table for now, everyone else would make their way over as soon as they got their lunch from the canteen.

Rae was fretting. Yesterday he'd been late for lunch; he'd gone round to Elsa's place. Apparently it was to pick up the undercoat and drop it home so he could fix the wall this weekend, but how did doing that take so long that he was late for lunch? She watched him arguing with Woody, a feeling of worry in the pit of her stomach; she liked Elsa, but she'd never feel alright about arriving on her doorstep unannounced. But Finn did. Rae felt someone sitting beside her and turned to see Phil, deep in conversation with Chloe and Izzy who sat on Woody's side of the table, he gave her a grin before continuing to chat and James came and sat on the other side of Finn, Bethany squeezing in next to him, making everyone squeeze in closer. Finn suddenly became aware of the dynamic of the siting arrangement, Rae was in between Phil and himself, and James, probably another admirer of hers, was sitting next to him, while Macca sat next to Woody opposite Bethany, the two of them unable to stop talking. Finn's thighs were pressed against Rae and James and he looked over to see Phil's thigh pressed up against Rae's.

"Hey Earl, you finished the children's lit essay?" James asked around Finn and he rolled his eyes, thinking he'd deal with one lad liking Rae at a time as they talked around him. He looked up to see Bryn ambling over; their pet first year student, was what Chloe was calling him. He sat next to Izzy, making the other side of the table have to squeeze in too now.

"Fuck our group's getting big!" Chloe laughed.

"You're right!" Finn agreed and turned to Phillip, "Ever thought of becoming a missing person? That'd thin our numbers a bit."

"Are your parents siblings Gwyn? Cos, you know, you're a perfect argument against brother-sister marriages." Phil shot back without missing a beat.

"Sorry, wasn't listening. Too busy imagining duct tape over your fucking mouth." Finn snarked.

"Alright you two!" Macca said loudly. He was good at breaking up Phil and Finn; he had a lot of practice from their time together in PE.

"So I'm thinking of having a party at my place in a few weeks." Woody said, "lots o' drugs, lot's o' music, and I think me sister's gonna get a bunch of her friends to hang around topless!" He grinned

"Oh sounds great." Rae answered sarcastically.

"Are you gonna have a bunch o' lads hang around pantless?" Chloe asked him and he looked off, obviously deep in thought.

"Woah." He said softly, "It's like you're showing me a mirror so I can see my own objectification of women in the refracted light of society's uber-obsession with tits by demanding snags out as a war-cry for equality." He marvelled and Chloe chuckled in disbelief. Everyone looking at Woody with surprised expressions. "Alright, dicks out too!" He said happily.

"Maybe no one needs to be naked." Bethany said and Rae nearly choked on her drink when she saw the look of disappointment on Macca's face. It was fun watching them two get closer; she could definitely see parallels to her relationship with Finn; she imagined he must have looked at her like that when she said there wasn't going to be a sexy party. Sometimes she wondered if she should guide them a little, to stop them from making the same mistakes she and Finn had made. But then she realised that she and Finn were still making mistakes and she didn't have all the answers. You just had to love as fearlessly as you could. She put her hand on Finn's thigh grateful that they had gotten to this point and he turned his eyes to her with a happy grin and put his arm over her shoulders. Her mind returned to the issue of Elsa, but she threw it off; whatever was happening with Finn and Elsa, it couldn't be that bad, she trusted Finn completely.

"I'm with Williams!" James laughed, "no one needs to see me tackle." Woody put an arm around Bethany's shoulders.

"You mean fire!" Woody was still trying to get the nicknames to stick, "And I'll be getting my dick out, I challenge you all to not be ashamed of your man bits." He declared loudly. Rae had to stop herself from grinning at the look Macca was giving Woody as Bethany laughed at him. She marvelled at how oblivious Bethany was to Macca's attentions, even though Rae had pointed them out to her on several occasions. But she understood it; she hadn't been able to believe that Finn could want her. She looked up at Finn and saw him watching Bethany and Macca with the same bemused grin she was trying to hide.

"I think I'll pass." Finn shrugged when Woody looked over to him for support.

"Fuck you watchtower!" Woody laughed and turned to Phil who shrugged.

"We'll see how drunk I get." Phil told him as if he was indulging a spoiled child and Woody chuckled triumphantly, Phil shaking his head; he had no intention of getting his kit off at a party unless he was about to have sex in a room away from prying eyes.

"I got a buddy to get naked with!" He laughed before looking at Bryn, "Gonna get you bits out lad?"

"Um…" Bryn laughed, "Sure why not." He shook his head, not believing what he'd agreed to.

"That's the fucking spirit!" Woody cheered triumphantly before he looked at Macca, "Tell me you're in." Macca's eyes strayed to Bethany, but she was watching Woody, her head shaking in disbelief before her eyes flicked to Phil and then Bryn. Rae looked back to Phillip who was still shaking his head, and laughing.

"I dunno." Macca shook his head.

"You should get chop to go along!" Chloe laughed. "He could wander around with his one-eared elephant!" She laughed.

"No!" Izzy hit Chloe's arm, "maybe you could plan these things for your lad instead o' mine!" She laughed.

"Woody don't want Rhys's cock out at his party." Chloe said and Finn rolled his eyes; he'd already heard all about how big Rhys's cock was.

"Oh I dunno, if he's a good looking fella I might!" Woody grinned, "Which o' you girls are getting your tits out?"

"I think you can safely say, none of us." Rae replied in a firm tone.

"Oh I dunno Rae…" Chloe said with a chuckle, "Izzy might be persuaded."

"Oi!" Izzy replied with outrage, "I'm not getting me tits out!" She said loudly, "Why don't you get yours out?"

"I'm like Phil babe! See where the night leads."

"As if!" Izzy shot back and Chloe raised her eyes to Phil, Rae noticing a moment passing between them, before Chloe looked up the seat to Bethany.

"Come on Beth," She encouraged, Macca looked at Bethany wistfully, his eyes straying down to her breasts more than once before he made them return to her face every time, "with knockers like them, you'd be giving all the lads o' Stamford quite a treat if-"

"Never gonna happen." Bethany shut her down with a strong tone. "Never."

"You're not seriously saying you'll never get your boobs out are you?" Woody said, "Like if we was fucking, you'd get 'em out right?' He looked down at her chest before looking back at her face. Macca scowled at Woody and sucked his teeth unhappily. Rae noticed Finn have to look away, holding in a laugh, she hit his leg and gave him an 'it's not funny' look before having to hide her own laughter as the conversation continued.

"Yes Woody if we was fucking you'd get to see 'em."

"Fuck yes I would and I'd love it." Macca almost physically shook in annoyance.

"But," She continued as if he'd never said a word, "I'm not gonna get 'em out at a party."

"I remember when sexy parties where just spin the bottle." Rae said wistfully to Chloe and Izzy. "Now it's all 'get your bits out.'"

"How the times have changed." Chloe chuckled.

"We can totes play spin the bottle!" Woody said, "But instead o' kissing, you give oral."

"The fuck?" Finn laughed in disbelief. He noticed that the bruises on his face were feeling a lot better, healing quicker since he'd taken Archie's advice on how to care for them; that lad was onto something.

"Alright, fair call!" Woody agreed, "I'm just hornier than a fucking toad. I was fucking three people on the coast, here there's no one. Stamford's tighter and drier than a nun's cunt when it comes to casual fucking." He complained.

"You had three girls?" Bethany asked and Woody shook his head."

"A lad and two girls." He answered, we all shared each other, it was fucking great. I miss 'em."

"What… you fucked the guy as well?" Macca asked and Woody nodded.

"Fuck yes I did." Woody said proudly, "I'm bisexual dude."

"Fuck." Macca shook his head, "I thought people was either gay or straight…?"

"Nope." Woody shrugged, "Some of us are both." He gave Macca a cheeky grin, "it's the only way to be." He took a bite of his sandwich and left them all considering that.

"Twice as many dating options." Izzy said and Chloe nodded her head.

"D'you know there's so many beautiful girls in this world…" Chloe sighed, "I do see your point Woody." Rae gave Chloe a look and she shrugged.

"Yeah and your best mate's one of 'em!" Woody grinned and Finn sighed gently.

"I think we can all agree on that!" Izzy said with a big grin aimed at Rae. Rae shook her head.

"Seconded." Chloe chuckled at Rae rolling her eyes in reply.

"Thirded." Phillip said just as Finn opened his mouth to say it.

"Motion passed." Chloe grinned.

"Thought I was just a 4." She shot at Chloe and Chloe furrowed her brows. Finn looked from Rae to Chloe, understanding where this had come from now.

"I was wrong." She replied simply. "I'm sorry babe." They shared a sentimental smile before reaching over the table to hug each other, "I were just so mixed up in me own head, I couldn't see anything straight." She said as she held Rae. "You're an 11 Rae."

"You too Chlo." She whispered back.

"On what scale is Rae an 11?" Phil asked, "A scale out of 5?" Rae turned to him and shook her head.

"Shut up you."

"I was about to ask the same thing about Chlo." He replied and looked over at her, "You're both stunning." Finn furrowed his brows and looked down at Phil as he shot a glance at Chloe, who grinned back at him. "And if you throw Izzy and Bethany into the mix, we got babes all round." He winked at Izzy and she laughed.

"Smooth little shit aren't you?' Bethany asked cynically.

"Not really." Phillip chuckled, "If I were relying on my ability with women to get anywhere, I'd still be a virgin."

"Have you seen Andrea since you been back?" Izzy asked keenly. And Phillip shook his head.

"No Iz, she wasn't that interested in me… well not all of me anyway." He shrugged, "And I'd really rather not be going steady with one of my sister's best friends anyway."

"Why not?" Macca gave him a curious look.

"Turns out, girls talk." Phillip said with a disdainful look, "And they talk filthy and with no thought for privacy… and my sister and all of her friends now know far too much about… my habits…" He shook his head. "And I never heard the fucking end of it in London!" He laughed.

"Not all girls talk, right?" Macca looked around the table at the girls.

"Yeah we kinda do." Rae replied looking over at Chloe who was playing with her hair.

"All the time." Chloe backed her.

"Sometimes we even scheme." Izzy grinned and turned her eyes to Finn who gave a worried look to Rae. Rae grinned enigmatically doing nothing to ease his concern. Macca looked back to Bethany who gave him a sympathetic look before turning to the girls.

"Worst sexual encounter I've had recently was with this tosser who though he were so fucking amazing that I should just be thankful to share the same air as him. He had no idea how to get a finger in properly and his itty bitty cock looked like a roll on deodorant bottle." Bethany told them and the three girls burst into laughter while Bethany grinned like a jackal. Macca looked slightly horrified and Finn started to laugh loudly at him, James joining in.

"That's what I'm fucking talkin' about!" Phillip chuckled. Bryn looked on with a bewildered stare, astounded that girls talked that way and suddenly worried about what all the girls he'd ever fooled with had said to their mates. Macca stared at Bethany for a moment before lowering his eyes.

"Had a lot of conquests then?" Chloe asked and Bethany shrugged.

"I've had enough." She grinned cheekily.

"Enough for some good tales?" Izzy grinned and Bethany nodded her head.

"But h-how… many?" Macca asked nervously, trying to cover it with a laugh. Bethany opened her mouth, clearly unsure how to answer.

"A girl never tells a guy how many guys she's fucked." Chloe jumped in, "They always fucking judge us."

"I wouldn't…" Macca shook his head, "I mean… I don't…"

"I know, it's fine." Bethany looked at Macca, obviously considering what to say, "Probably more than you." She answered his question and he scoffed as if he wasn't affected by her answer.

"Alright." He laughed awkwardly.

"Who d'you reckon has had the most sexual encounters out o' the lot of us?" Woody asked curiously, "I don't just mean fucking." He clarified, "But like, oral and fingering and even kissing?" All eyes turned to Finn and he looked around the table with an unimpressed look.

"Leave off!" Finn furrowed his brows and Rae could see the grump coming back.

"Alright." Woody grinned, "Let's just do it this way, how many different people have you had a sexual encounter with; anything from tongue kissing up." He said, "Raise your hands if it's less than ten." He looked around the table. Rae listed off in her head all the people she'd kissed" Archie, Finn, Liam, Chloe. That was it. She found that she didn't care as she rose her hand first. Izzy, followed by Bryn and James raised their hands but everyone else kept theirs down. Finn sighed and looked at Rae, not even needing to give her an apologetic look; they were past this now, neither of them cared how much previous experience they'd had, it was all about what they were doing together now. Rae looked over at Phil and was surprised to see his hand still down.

"Right so let's go to, raise your hand if it's less than twenty." Finn sucked his bottom lip and looked uncomfortable, he really hadn't kept track of numbers but he had a feeling it was more than twenty. Chloe raised her hand, as did Phillip. Macca reddened slightly as he raised his, seeing that Bethany was not raising her hand. Woody looked around the table

"That just leaves us three." He grinned at Finn and Bethany. "And it solves the question of whether Bethany's had more fun than Macca." He put his arm back around her shoulders and squeezed her slightly as she shook her head.

"Yeah but this includes kisses and stuff." Finn debated, "If you'd done the numbers just on people we'd fucked, my hand would've gone up real quick."

"Bullshit!" Bryn laughed and Finn shook his head. "Most of the first year lads wanna be you." He said, "Rumour has it you've fucked over half the girls in second year and you're working through the first years now."

"Hi Bryn, have you met my girlfriend, Rae?" Finn said sarcastically as if he were a salesman, "I think you'll find her to be the source of my complete faithfulness to the woman I love." Bryn shrugged.

"Just telling you what everyone thinks." He retorted.

"Well everyone is wrong."

"Why would you care if everyone thinks you're getting heaps?" Woody asked. And Finn sighed.

"Hi Woody, have you met my girlfriend, Rae?" Finn repeated more angrily.

"Does everyone still think I'm fucking everyone Bryn?" Chloe diffused the tension.

"Depends who you talk to." Bryn shrugged, "Some people say you're a slag, but none o' the guys have fucked you and they all wanna, so no one believes the slag rumours really." He said, "But then someone else said that you was with this criminal guy, like a drug dealer or something." Bryn shrugged and Chloe tutted and rolled her eyes angrily.

"Ah fuck off!" Finn said about that rumour, just as annoyed as Chloe. Rae and Izzy gave a look of disgust and Phil shook his head. Bethany, Macca and Woody looked on, not understanding.

"You know they say it cos he's black?" She asked Bryn and his mouth opened in surprise. He shook his head.

"No I didn't know." He said with an angry tone. "Fucking cunts. That's not right." He mumbled angrily.

"No it's fucking not." She snapped. "Who the fuck started it?"

"I dunno." Bryn said honestly, "I can try and find out, but you know how these things are Chlo. I'm sorry."

"I had no idea there were so many racists at this school." Phillip said sadly.

"Try being brown." Bryn replied. "D'you know how many times I get asked where I'm from?"

"They'll get over it mate." Macca said sympathetically; he'd had a similar experience in his first year. He remembered he and Mike whinging about it together. He missed Mike. He looked back down the table at Bryn, deciding to be better mates with him.

"I hope so!" Bryn replied, "Cos no matter how many times I say, I were born in Manchester, I always get, yeah but before that?" He shook his head, bemused.

"Your daddy's balls!" Woody cackled and they all started to laugh slightly.

"He might o' had a stopover in his mum's uterus too." Rae told Woody with a slight grin.

"Could you imagine if he hadn't?" Chloe asked with a grin, "Just popped right out of his dad's nuts!" They laughed and Bryn narrowed his eyes.

"I don't really wanna think about me dad's nuts."

"Oh why ever not?" Rae laughed.

"Alright, you have a think of your daddy's nuts then!" Bryn shot back.

"Can't, don't have a dad." Rae shrugged, "Sorry me ol' pal."

"You could think of Karim's nuts." Chloe grinned deviously and Rae scrunched up her nose.

"Oh for fuck's sake Chloe!" Finn groaned, "I have to listen to that guy empty his fucking nut sack every night I'm over there." Everyone broke out in laughter, "Walls like fucking paper!"

"It's traumatic." Rae agreed laughing along.

"Well imagine how much they hear then!" Izzy giggled and Rae and Finn stopped dead.

"Oh fuck." Finn said with wide eyes, thinking of all the spankings and dirty talk and orgasms. Rae's mouth opened wide in horrified contemplation; pulling and squeezing Finn's nipples until he cried out in pain was a nightly ritual at the moment…

"Lucky we do most of our business when they're downstairs." She said.

"Remember your mum said the light fixtures swing a little when…" Rae started to giggle and shook her head. "I guess if they put up with us, we can put up with them." She couldn't believe her mum had been so good about this. She'd have to thank her for it one day. Rae found that she was beginning to appreciate her mother more and more these days. She was a pain sometimes, but a lot of the time she wasn't too shabby, as mums go.

_'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood_

Izzy dropped her bag in the doorway and sighed; she was exhausted and she had so much homework to do. Chop locked the door behind them and hung his keys on the hook.

"Alright baby girl?" Chop asked her and she turned to give him a tired smile.

"D'you wanna do me homework?" She asked hopefully.

"No." He answered honestly, "But," He said looking at the list of daily jobs for each of them they'd compiled a few weeks back. "How about I do all your jobs today?" He grinned when her face lit up.

"Oh Chop." She gave him a light kiss on the lips, "you're so good to me." She smiled and dragged her feet out to the lounge room, Chop grabbing her school bag and taking it out there for her. He kissed her forehead and left her to it while he went back into the kitchen and ordered them a pizza for dinner in an hour.

Chop had worked through all the chores and Izzy had finished most of her dada essay research when the pizza came. They ate pizza and watched tv, Izzy's mind on the book she'd been reading during her free period this morning. She had almost finished the book about anal sex, having read it at every possible chance she'd had since she got it only a few days ago. And while Chop angrily commented on the news, she was thinking about what Chloe had said about playing tit for tat with the boys. She stared at Chop as he watched the news. The book had said that anal stimulation could be very pleasurable to men because of their prostate gland. She had read the section on how to find and stimulate the prostate gland a dozen times, determined to do this. Chloe had been right; if the boys wanted to put things up their bums, it was only fair that they returned the favour. And she was so tired of being the sweet innocent little sister of the group. She wanted to have something to tell them for once. Her eyes narrowed as she watched Chop. How could she convince him to let her do this? Was she brave or foolish enough to offer up anal sex for something as trifling as a finger up his bum? She was aware that turning sex into a series of bargaining chips could get ugly, but right now she didn't care. She wanted to be brazen, to be wild, to be slutty. And she wanted to not worry about being those things.

"What's up?" Chop said awkwardly, having noticed her staring at him with narrowed eyes. "Did I do something wrong?" She noticed that he had some pizza sauce on his chin and narrowed her eyes further.

"Have a shower." She said in a low voice. Chop furrowed his brows at her uncharacteristic tone.

"You alright baby girl?"

"Shower." She said in a soft commanding tone. "Now." Chop paused for a moment and then nodded slowly, getting up with a confused look on his face. She got up and pushed him towards the bathroom gently, determined, feeling a brazen lustiness in her heart.

"Alright girl." He started to strip off as he headed to the shower, Izzy following, leaving her clothes on. He got in the shower, Izzy standing at the door, watching him. He awkwardly stood to one side, waiting for the water to warm up, not knowing what was going on with Izzy. He looked back at her as she leaned on the doorframe, her eyes travelling up and down his body slowly. Chop felt acutely on display.

"Wash it." She said, her tone so deeply sexual that Chop felt blood pumping into his cock even though he had no idea what was going on.

"It?"

"Your body." That slow seductive tone. He nodded slowly and picked up the soap. She stood at the door eye fucking him while he showered, slowly becoming less self-conscious, slowly beginning to enjoy being lusted after like this. Sometimes he looked at Izzy like that, he recognised that lust for a body; he'd just never seen it on Izzy before.

He slowed down his movements, letting her have the show she obviously wanted, enjoying the feel of the water on his body, washing his body slowly, enjoying his own skin for once. When he rinsed the soap off Izzy approached slowly, still fully clothed she leaned into the shower and kissed him intensely.

"I am going to do something to you." She whispered, "And it might seem unexpected or scary." She licked his neck and he almost whimpered, "But you're going to try to like it, alright?"

"Well so far so good." He grinned his hands going to her waist but she pushed him away.

"Keep your hands out o' the way." She ordered and he nodded. She pulled him forward, using his cock and he bit his bottom lip and chuckled lustily. "Turn the temperature up." Her voice had a breathy quality now that made Chop's balls ache. He obeyed her, enjoying this game immensely. Slowly Izzy licked down Chop's chest, Chop groaned, feeling her tongue licking across his stomach always made him eager to be inside of her. She knelt outside of the shower, and Chop stood in the shower, blazingly hot water on his back, and his fiancé slowly starting to lick the tip of his cock. She licked and sucked at his cock wonderfully for several minutes, her hands, unusually, staying on his hips the whole time. Chop leaned against the glass of the opened sliding door to the shower, his arms above his head, his forehead on the cool glass, sweating out the hot water on his back. This was incredible, the coolness of the glass against his forehead, the hot water, her mouth, calmly and confidently sucking him like she never had before. He kept trying to figure out what she was planning to do to him, was this what she had in mind, or was there something else coming? Right now he didn't care, she could do whatever she wanted to him. He barely noticed her hands slowly creeping from his hips to his buttocks, he was so focused on the amazing blowjob he was getting. It wasn't until he felt her fingers creeping between his butt cheeks that he realised what was happening. She was sliding his cock deeper in her throat than she ever had before, and he was groaning deeply, enjoying every minute of this, when he felt them, gently caressing along his crack.

"Izzy?" He asked tensely as her fingertips touched his anus. She looked up at him, his cock still in her mouth and gently massaged around the area, letting him get used to idea of her touching him there. Chop felt his heartbeat speeding up and he bit his bottom lip, not wanting to stop her, but freaking out about where this was going. She felt his tension and looked up at him.

"Relax." She breathed and slid his cock down her throat again as she gently pressed against his anus. Chop's mouth opened, ready to tell her to stop, but not saying the word even as her finger slid inside of him.

"Oh fuck." He whispered, not sure how he felt about this whole thing, but his cock still throbbingly hard. He scrunched up his face, worried about what she was doing and how it felt and then an intense pleasure surged through his cock. It felt like his cock was being licked from the inside and the outside. "Holy fuck." He could barely stutter the words out. "Fuck…" he gasped. It was like a prong of electricity surged from the top of his cock through his inside; his whole lower abdomen becoming as sensitive and orgasmic as the tip of his cock. He felt himself rushing towards orgasm and had to desperately claw his focus onto something else; he wanted this to last as long as he could make it. He legs felt weak and his entire lower body was pulsating with pleasure, Izzy's moan of delight made him groan loudly; he was instantly close to coming again. He tried to relax, tried to not think about the incredible heat in his entire groin; the sense that he might explode at any minute was beginning to shudder through his abdomen. He didn't even hear himself groan; a deep, long, drawn-out groan, peaking in a loud cry as his entire body shook like Izzy's did when she came, hot spurts of semen shooting into Izzy's mouth. He hadn't even realised he was about to cum, normally he warned her, but the pleasure had been so intense and so constant that he hadn't been able to distinguish the moment of orgasm until it was exploding through his whole body. His orgasm seemed to last several times longer than was normal for him and he also knew he was depositing a huge load in her mouth, but was entirely powerless to stop it. He felt Izzy's finger withdraw and looked down at her full, open mouth.

"I'm sorry." He gasped and she shook her head, and with a disgusted, scrunched up face swallowed. She made a disgusted noise and instantly got up and went to the sink to drink some water from the tap. Chop collapsed against the wall of the shower, barely able to support his own weight and knew he had to get out of the shower and sit for a minute before he could see to Izzy's needs; his whole body felt weak after that orgasm.

"I don't know how the girls swallow this shit all the time." She muttered, revolted. "I'm only doing that on special occasions Chop." She told him, "It's disgusting." She turned to see him sitting on the floor in the shower, having slid down the wall, a huge dopey grin on his face. "You alright?" She asked with a surprised grin. He nodded slowly, looking supremely satisfied. She stripped her clothes off and got into the shower with him, he moved over but stayed seated, watching her wash herself thoughtfully.

"So that was alright?" She asked him and he nodded firmly, unable to form coherent words at the moment. "D'you want me to do it again?" He nodded again and she grinned. "Wait till I tell the girls." She clapped her hands delightedly and Chop was too delirious with post-orgasm haze to even care that she intended to tell Rae and Chloe what she'd just done to him. After a few minutes, Izzy happily showering and telling him all about her day at school he motioned to her.

"Come here baby girl." He whispered, "Let me bury my face in that cunt o' yours." She bit her bottom lip and grinned, taking the few steps required to be standing over him, she put her foot up on his shoulder and ran her fingers through his short hair, pushing his face to her cunt roughly, eliciting an appreciative groan from him. She curled her fingers over the top of the shower wall and ground her pussy into his face, starting to laugh at how much she enjoyed taking the lead like this. She was going to ask him to get some pornos, she was going to ask Rhys to invite them to a sex show; she was as brazen as Chloe and as daring as Rae. She was exploring, she was getting what she wanted. She was in control of her sexuality.

_'Deeper' by Arab Strap_

He looked down at the ridiculous pen. Oversized and baby blue. His hand shook, but he was determined to do this. He had seen people get cranky, throw tantrums, give up. Rehabilitation was apparently hard for some people. Oddly he felt a sense of strange calm in it. Over the past few weeks of being more wakeful and alert his memory had simply improved; it was unexpected and lots of doctors and psychologists came in to see him every day to talk. He still had memory problems, but now he remembered about 80% of new things he was presented with, and if he wrote things down this increased. But writing things down was not fun. Apparently it was not unheard of to have spontaneous improvements with brain damage, but it was unheard of to ever be completely healed when it had been as bad as his had been. He would likely have the tremors for the rest of his life, and his left leg was particularly troublesome and he would probably have problems walking for the rest of his life too. And the tic in his face he apparently had, that might hang about too. But the memory had improved and he was thankful for that. He went to rehab lessons and saw no improvement. But he didn't lose his temper, he just kept doing it. He felt nothing about the whole thing.

He still cried when he thought about his mother. So he purposefully tried not to.

Eli visited every day and that was nice.

And Chloe visited every few days. Sometimes alone and sometimes with Rae.

And Rae, she visited about the same amount as Chloe.

Elsa popped in once a week, and she didn't say anything about him perving on her, even though he knew she caught him doing it. That was pretty cool.

Kester came every day.

And he talked to Kester about how he felt nothing for himself. He didn't care about it.

He cried for his mother. For the shitty life she'd lived. He cried for his nan, her memory slipping with Alzheimer's. He cried for Eli, her parents pressuring her to be a person she wasn't.

And he feels nothing else.

Not self pity.

No regret.

No desire.

Kester tells him it might return.

But he doesn't care.

He sets his mind to writing his name with the oversized pen. He practises all of his exercises, exactly as he's told to.

He watches tv.

He sleeps.

Kester tells him he might be depressed.

But he knows how depressed feels. This doesn't feel the same.

This is just a deep empty nothingness.

Not the roaring agony that depression had been for him in the past.

Even when he cries he is listless. Sitting in his bed barely moving, tears streaming down his face.

His mother. It kills him to think of her lying in the ground.

When Eli comes he is all smiles. And he thinks he feels love for her but he can't be sure.

When Rae or Chloe come he is all charming irony and grumpy sarcasm, and he doesn't know what he feels.

Kester is constantly asking him what he feels.

He sees from the people around him how he supposed to feel.

But there is just a deep empty void inside of him.

He is made up of nothingness.

_'Beautiful Girl' by Inxs_

"Rae I am never gonna learn me dada monologue." He complained in a more whingey voice than she ever recalled hearing from him. He was lying on her bed, his legs hanging off the edge, the single sheet of paper with his monologue written on it was lying across his face, as if he hoped he could absorb it into his brain via osmosis.

"You'll get it." She soothed, not looking up from her biology homework.

"It's impossible." He said in a stroppy tone that made Rae shake her head and grin, "Half of the sentences don't make any sense, there are words that shouldn't go together and the other half of it is just like random sounds and fucking syllables just like I'm making noise or something."

"Well you are supposed to be making noise with your mouth for some of it." She conceded and he groaned petulantly. She sighed and knew she wasn't going to get any work done with him complaining like this. She got up and sat on the bed beside him trying to think of what might help. Chloe had been taking psychology this year and they were doing positive and negative reinforcement, rewards systems and the like. She wondered if that would work for study.

"Tell you what Finn… how about for every line you learn, I give you a little reward?" She said and he lifted up the piece of paper from his face and turned his eyes to her.

"Like what kinda reward?"

"I dunno… but here's how it goes. You learn one line perfectly. I give you a reward." He nodded, "Then you learn the second line and read them both to me perfectly, and you get your next reward."

"Will the second reward be bigger than the first?" He asked, "Since it takes more effort to do two lines?"

"You're like a child." Rae shook her head and he grinned, "Alright, the reward will increase." She conceded, "and then you give me three lines."

"And I get a bigger reward." He seemed satisfied with this. He counted the lines. "32 lines." He grinned cheekily, "What you gonna give me girl?" Rae thought about everything that she could offer while Finn looked at her expectantly.

"30 seconds of cocksucking for every line." She said, "Resulting in 16 minutes of cock sucking once you complete the monologue perfectly." Finn thought about this, his tongue feeling the back of his front teeth excitedly. He nodded and Rae got out her own scripts that she had to learn so that she could sit beside him while he worked; there was no way she'd be getting her biology books up here. Finn's eyes swept over the top line and Rae tried to ignore the sound of him muttering to himself.

"Lexicographical autobiographies of existent exhibitionist existentialist endings." He said hesitantly and then looked at the paper and nodded his head. He repeated it in a stronger voice and then grinned at Rae. She took his monologue and got him to repeat it while she read along. She nodded and slowly unzipped his pants.

"This bit doesn't count." Finn insisted, "The timer only starts when your lips are on-" He stopped as she took his cock into her mouth and laid his head back on the bed happily. Rae counted 30 seconds in her head slowly, realising she wasn't wearing a watch. He groaned happily and closed his eyes, laying his hands by his side and letting her do whatever she wanted. When she stopped he pouted and she handed him his monologue back. A few minutes passed and he got her attention, handing her his monologue.

"Lexicographical autobiographies of existent exhibitionist existentialist endings. Zreeeeeeft, dooon a laaaaadd feet an pill grrrrrrr." He pulled a face not sure he'd gotten that part and Rae nodded slowly and leaned back down to suck his cock.

45 minutes later Finn was reciting 18 lines of his monologue without a mistake, Rae was convinced that the system worked. But Elsa also taught them that it was good to take breaks in learning your lines and come back to them to build up long term memory, so she stopped him, agreeing to come back to this technique tomorrow night. She leaned back on the bed and looked over at him.

"What you thinking?"

"It's all smut in me head girl." He confessed, his eyes closed.

"Tell me about it." She prodded and he grinned and sighed lustily. "I'm thinking about what it feels like to be inside you." Rae leaned over and took his hand. "I love you." He told her and she didn't reply, not wanting to deflect the topic away from smuttiness. She gently placed is hand on his cock and sat back again, watching him. Finn cocked an eyebrow at her but got the idea and gently started to stroke his cock. Rae bit her bottom lip.

"So what are you thinking?" She asked again and he closed his eyes.

"I'm thinking about making love to you." She watched him bite his bottom lip, his hand speeding up slightly, his other hand creeping down his stomach sensually and gently cupping is balls. He groaned. "I miss the smell of our sex." He whispered to her. It had been fourteen days since they had last had sex and it was killing her. She felt a familiar throb in her cunt and groaned softly, Finn heard her groan and responded with a loud sensual moan. His hand slowed down. "I'm seeing your body." He smiled contently, his deep, almost desperate, lust bringing a mild red flush to his cheeks. "The curve of your stomach." He was barely audible, "and the shape of your vulva… your thighs are so strong and they wrap me up." Rae put a hand on his chest and he gasped with excitement. She watched his hand speed up slightly. "Your legs around me." His voice was breathy with desire, "Your breasts spilling over me hands. They're so soft and big and sexy." He groaned and Rae knew he was getting close to coming. "And the warmth between your thighs." He sounded like he couldn't even understand how good it was, let alone explain it to her. "I could die happy between your thighs." He whispered, "It's so warm, and wet." Rae felt her mouth opening with desire, she was excited to see him masturbate himself to orgasm. He made a small groan, his eyes closed as he imagined all of this. But then he opened them and looked her in the eyes, "I'm looking into your eyes and slowly, gently guiding my cock into you. And I'm inside of you Rae. Inside." The look in his eyes was like a man who had found god; he was found. He groaned again, his breath speeding up, "And you… you gasp… me being inside of you… it brings you pleasure." The wonder in his eyes was exquisite, Rae realised that he couldn't quite believe that something so simple could be so complex and miraculous, and give them both so much. "And your vagina moulds herself to me." He whispered. It was strange to hear him use words like vulva and vagina, she liked it. "It's like she was built for me. You surround me. Touching me… the way our bodies feel pressed together… looking in your eyes and… And I can hear you groan, I can taste you… and the smell, Rae. The smell of you." His strokes came faster still, his voice growing more urgent. And he stopped. His body heaving with impending orgasm. He closed his eyes and took his hand off his cock, his nostrils flared with the effort of stopping. She saw a bead of cum drip from the tip of his cock, but nothing more. He opened his eyes slowly, they were heavy with desire, "If you can't cum, I can't cum." His voice was strained with lust and he closed his eyes again, fisting his hands and putting them under his lower back. Rae looked down at his throbbing cock and knew she could take him into her mouth and have him coming in less than a minute. But he was adamant about this orgasm thing; they came together. They were in this together. She knew that when they both finally got to cum this time it would be an unbelievable release.

Fourteen days.

And now it was dinner time, Karim was calling up the stairs to them. Finn was getting quiet adept at slipping his hard cock back into his jeans and using flannies tied around his waist to hide the bulge.

It was just Karim tonight; Linda was on a late shift at the hospital and they had a relatively peaceful dinner, broken up only by Aiesha deciding she'd prefer to rub her food into her hair than eat it. Finn bathed her in the laundry sink again while Rae and Karim cleaned up, Karim chatting about how he was trying for better paying jobs now that his English had improved so much.

By the time they flopped into bed together, Rae's mind was mulling over the future. They nestled into bed together, Finn draping his arm over her waist and slipping his fingers under the elastic band of her granny undies. He stroked her skin tenderly and smiled at her face.

"I don't want this to ever end." He said softly to her, "This moment when I get to hold you. My beautiful girl."

"I love you." Rae grinned at his sleepy content face.

"What's in your head?" He stroked her hair and Rae sighed softly.

"Thinking about the future." She said tentatively and his tired face grew more alert.

"Still on which uni?" He asked and she nodded.

"I'd like us to go to the same university Finn." She said urgently, "I don't wanna be away from you to get me education."

"I got you girl." He whispered. "I'll go wherever you go."

"What about what you wanna study?"

"I can postpone it, or just do whatever they've got."

"No Finn, you've-"

"Listen Rae," He said firmly, "I go where you go. You're my life." She let him pull her closer, still not happy with that answer. Finn was getting good marks now, he should do a degree he was interested in, not just follow her around the country. "On campus or flat?" He asked the next question and Rae sighed.

"Can't afford a flat unless we try and work through uni."

"We're not living on campus Rae." Finn said, flatly refusing to even entertain the idea, "I won't have us having to sneak into each other's beds and getting in shit for it."

"We can't afford it Finn! And on average, for every unit you do, you're supposed to do ten hours of study…"

"Making university a full time occupation." Finn droned out; they'd been through all of this before. "I'll just study part time and work the other half of it."

"Finn." She groaned and he chuckled.

"Me mind's made up girl." He kissed her lips, "you see this face." He gave her a look, "This is the face of a man who's made his mind up, and will not be budged." He kissed her again, "Me dad'll help out with the costs too; he'll be so excited about me going to uni. And I'll bring in some money, and you'll study full time. And then after your degree is done, you'll work and support me through the rest of mine." He stroked her face, "Alright?" She sighed.

"I would prefer to live together than on campus." She agreed and Finn smiled triumphantly.

"Well that's that sorted out!" He rubbed his foot along hers, their legs entwining, "Now you just gotta chose a university."

"So do you." Rae said, "I want a list of your top ten unis you wanna go to." She shot at him and he frowned.

"Rae…?" He asked bewildered as to why she'd make him do this.

"You don't get to just leave one of the most important decisions of your life up to me." She stroked his face, "I wanna know what courses you wanna do. Let's see if we can make a good compromise here. Find a uni we both wanna go to." Finn smiled grimly and sighed.

"I dunno Rae." Finn said, "Part o' me still thinks I won't get into uni."

"You're gonna get in." She insisted.

"I figured I'd always end up working with Chop or in construction or something." He frowned, "I dunno how to be a university person Rae." He lowered his eyes, "I read all the stuff about the courses and I don't get it all."

"Neither do I." His eyes shot back up to hers. "I'm not just saying that to make you feel better." She grinned, reading the look on his face. "Wanna try going over all the unis systematically together?"

"Alright."

"And then what happens after uni?" She asked, her brows dropping in thought.

"D'you wanna get married?" He asked her sincerely, "I mean, I know we're gonna be together. But the big ceremony and stuff… d'you really want that?"

"I dunno." Rae said softly, "I mean it's what everyone expects isn't it?" She looked away, considering the idea, "Everyone follows the same sort o' path, and I know me mum expects me to get married and have kids…" She looked back at him, "Would I be terrible if I weren't sure if that's for me?"

"No." Finn answered honestly. "I guess I always figured I'd do that. But then I never thought I'd go to uni, so…" He shrugged.

"I do know I wanna be with you." She told him, "But… I dunno about that other stuff I'm s'posed to do."

"Let's not worry about what we're s'posed to do." Finn stroked her hair, "Let's just do what makes us happy."

"Don't you want kids?" Finn looked off as he considered her question.

"I suppose I just always figured it was inevitable." He mused, "You know, it's what everyone does." He shrugged, "But really, since I been with you, I figure me life's not gonna be like what I expected." He gave her a cheeky grin.

"Oh right?"

"Aye, I don't think me life's gonna be like everyone else's either." He considered this for a moment, "So I suppose we might not get married and have kids."

"Might not." Rae said thoughtfully, "might end up nomadically travelling the world for the rest of our lives." Rae said excitedly, "Not owning a house, not owning sheets or tables or telephones…" She smiled wistfully, "Everything we own in our backpacks… just… seeing everything."

"That could be nice." He kissed her forehead as she started to elaborate.

"We could travel all through Africa… I so wanna see Tanzania and Namibia Finn!" She said excitedly and he watched her animated face, captivated by her every expression. "There's this dead forest in the desert in Namibia."

"Oh aye?"

"I seen pictures. It's beautiful. And they got desert elephants. And desert lions. And- OH!" she remembered loudly, "And desert penguins!" Her eyes lit up, "Whoever heard of fucking penguins living in the desert?"

"Where else are we going?" He asked transfixed on her face.

"Well there's heaps o' countries in Africa I wanna go." She said, "Obviously Egypt…. Fucking Archie." She muttered.

"Bastard." Finn agreed with a smile.

"And all through the middle east. Jordan Finn… we gotta go to Jordan!"

"Well how could we miss Jordan?" Finn didn't even know there was a country called Jordan. He made a note to look it up.

"And Asia… China and Cambodia!" Her excitement piqued again, "Angkor Wat!" She said dreamily, "And Ta Prohm. Finn I can't die without seeing Ta Prohm." She told him and he nodded.

"It's on the list."

"It's this ancient temple in the middle of the forest, and it got reclaimed by the forest, so there's five hundred yeah old trees growing out o' the ruins. You should see the pictures!"

"You'll have to show me!"

"And Machu Picchu!" She jumped continents. "And the cenotes on Yucatan Peninsula." Finn had had no idea Rae knew so much about the world. "Tikal in Guatemala…" She sighed and looked at his happy face. "Where d'you wanna go?"

"Besides all through Europe you mean?" He gave a cheeky wink and Rae gave him an 'of course' look, "I've got a bit of a soft spot for Australia. Da told me I got an uncle down there."

"On your mum's side?" Finn nodded. "Well we have to go then." She grinned, "They got beautiful old growth forests in Tasmania." She said with a nod.

"So why are we going to uni if we're gonna be travelling vagabonds?" Finn gave her a pointed expression.

"Cos we gotta make enough to fund this endeavour Mr Earl!" She snapped with a cheeky grin, "Get your head on right!"

"Oh right!" He laughed, "Sorry."

"D'you think we really will travel?" She asked, her mood dropping slightly.

"Aye. I reckon we'll get there." He watched her mood pick up again, "And honestly Rae, I'll go anywhere with you."

_'The Dancer' by PJ Harvey_

Chloe looked at the weights sets. Rhys would be along after he finished with his session. Today: weight training followed by kickboxing and home for yoga. Then school.

"At least it's Friday." She muttered to herself tiredly. She hated the weekdays, she didn't get to see Rhys very much, and she hated to admit it, but it really affected her to not see him. Mostly she only got to see him at their training sessions, and only one or two evenings; he was working, and she had homework. And they hadn't had sex since the attack from Ian last Saturday, and Chloe was feeling tetchy to say the least. Yesterday morning she'd nearly jumped on him when he came from finishing his 5am client, all sweaty, his shirt clinging to him. Then he'd stripped his shirt off, wiped his body down with a towel and put a singlet on to work with her. She'd nearly cum just watching him. Her parents weren't going to let her spend the whole weekend at his place this time, but she did have tonight, and she intended to put it to very good use.

She tried picking up the 10 kilo weights, her mind contemplating the way Rhys looked naked. She sighed lustily and tried the 10 kilo weight in her left hand, her weaker arm. Rhys was talking about upping her weights today by a fair amount, so she suspected 10 kilo would be her new medium weight and 12 or maybe even 15 kilos would be the high weight for their tri-sets. 8 kilos had been her previous upper limit.

She sat on the weights bench, hardly noticing all the guys around her grunting and lifting, and squeezed her thighs together, desperately horny for Rhys. She bit her bottom lip and sighed wistfully again as she tried a concentration curl with the dumbbell. She felt someone sit beside and turned, expecting to see Rhys, a huge happy grin on her face.

Her smile dropped instantly. It was Dean.

"Hi pretty lady." He grinned and looked her up and down. "Decent physique." He nodded, "But you don't wanna play with those heavier weights pet." Chloe had to force herself to not sneer at him.

"Why?" She snapped and reminded herself that Rhys worked here and she had to tone it down.

"You don't wanna get too muscular do you?" He put his hand on her upper arm and caressed across her bicep, standing out under the strain of the weight.

"Who says?" She tried to say it as pleasantly as she could.

"It doesn't look good on a woman." His bicep flexed slightly as he pulled his hand away from her arm. Chloe watched his hand leave her arm and again fought off the urge to sneer at him, "In fact pet, you could stand to lose at least 10 kilos."

"Ten?" Chloe said surprised, "You want me to lose one and a half stone?" She did the maths quickly in her head.

"Maybe even two." He grinned magnanimously, "Now I know Rhys is a good guy, but he's not gonna help you do that." He scooted closer, so that his thigh touched hers, his torso twisted towards her, his hand gently touching her lower back, "it's not his style. And that's great for men, but for women…" He shook his head to indicate that Rhys was a bad trainer for women, "I can give you what you want." He said soothingly, "I can help you lose that two stone, and more." Chloe had had flirtations with this world before, with the idea of being as thin as possible. Her own mother closely monitored what she ate and it had been a battle with her to get her food increased as her training increased. Her mother was talking about weighing her daily to make sure she didn't gain weight from all this extra food.

"I would look like a walking skeleton if I lost that much." She said firmly, as much to herself as him. "And Rhys is-"

"Amazing I know." Dean said, "I could help you get the tone you wanted so that you could be thinner than the other girls but still curvy in the right places." He gave her a wink, "You'd look great."

"Rhys is my boyfriend." Chloe said firmly and Dean's jaw dropped. "Not just my trainer."

"He's not allowed to give out freeby sessions." Dean looked her up and down again.

"I still pay for the sessions." Chloe lied, realising that she and the gang must be milking Rhys dry with all these sessions. Not only could he not earn any money when he was with them, but he also had to pay the boxing joint's cut of the session cost. She understood why he'd picked up a few extra sessions every day now. To cover the cost of training her. She kept her face straight, imperiously glaring at Dean as she felt her insides knot with guilt and disgust at how close this creep was sitting to her. She'd have to tell her parents about the training and get them to pay for at least some of it.

"So what's that serious fucker like as a boyfriend?" Dean asked with a strange look, again looking her up and down. Chloe scooted away from him, feeling his hand stay glued to her lower back.

"Perfect." She replied and stood up, wanting to get away from his closeness. He stayed seated and sniffed derisively.

"I'm sure a pretty girl like you gets bored of a bloke like that." He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"No." Chloe answered and returned the dumbbell to the stand, looking around for Rhys.

"It's alright pet, you can-"

"Oh for fucks sake Dean!" One of the men, lifting a huge dumbbell in a concentration curl, shot out at Dean, "She's obviously uncomfortable, leave her alone!" A couple of the other guys made noises of agreement.

"We was just chatting." Dean retorted.

"Trying to steal Rhys's clients all the time." Another man grumbled, "It's dishonest." Chloe looked over at the man; he was easily in his 60s.

"We don't get many women in this place, and I swear to our lord and saviour; you're the sole fucking reason." The first guy said.

"Oh fuck off guys." Dean stalked away angrily.

"Thanks." Chloe said softly.

"Think nothing of it pet." The older man said.

"Yeah, you shouldn't have to fake having a boyfriend to get rid of a creep." One of the younger men said and Chloe turned her eyes to him.

"I'm not." She said slowly, not sure why he'd think that way and then she saw confusion on his face.

"But I thought…" he stopped and blushed slightly, "Nothing." He shrugged.

"He's not gay Brandon!" The older guy said and Chloe saw the younger guy blush. She could tell from the look on his face that Brandon had very good reasons to think Rhys was gay; first hand reasons…

"Look are either of you two planning to fuck him?" The first guy said and there was a silence, "Right, then his sexuality has literally nothing to do with either of you." He put them in their places with a finality Chloe enjoyed. She was thinking about what she could say when she saw Rhys, shaking hands and saying farewell to his 5am client. He scanned the place and when he saw Chloe, he grinned and jogged across to her.

"Ready?" He asked her and she nodded, turning her eyes to Brandon to see him looking at Rhys longingly.

"Dean was at it again." The older man said and Rhys cocked an eyebrow before shaking his head.

"Thanks guys." He turned his eyes back to Chloe. "Romanian dead lift today." He told her and she cocked her head to the side, "Gonna add that to your routine." He lifted up her arms and looked at her physique, she was used to him doing this occasionally, looking for weak points, "And military press."

"He told me he could help me lose two stone." Chloe said as they walked over to the weight rack. Rhys gave her a horrified look. She started to giggle seeing the look on his face.

"Oh Chloe, don't believe him that that is in any way an appropriate goal." He shook his head and furrowed his brows, "That's not only unhealthy, it's flat out dangerous."

"I don't. Don't worry." She had to stop herself from touching his face; this was his place of work, it was all professionalism here. She saw desire in his eyes, his fingers curled slightly; she knew he was thinking about touching her. He looked away and put a hand on the dumbbells.

"What weight do you think will be you new lowest in the tri set?"

"8 kilos." She replied and he grinned.

"You know me too well missy."

The rest of the session had gone well, but Chloe's body ached from the weight increase and the new exercises. He'd made her sprint for most of the run home; he was barely breaking a sweat with his long, loping stride, jogging beside her as she ran as fast as she could. He'd kissed her at the door to her place, quite passionately, his big hands splayed across her back, pulling her into him. When he turned to leave he gave her one last look before sprinting off at his top speed. He'd do several more hours of work with clients before heading in to pick her up from school. She had every intention of shagging his brains out before getting ready to go to the pub with the gang. And by the kiss he gave her at the door; he had similar intentions, if she'd allow him of course. She wondered if there'd ever come a time when Rhys would not be in the mood for sex and she'd have to stop herself, and if it came, would she be as restrained as he was? Right now, with the way her cunt ached for him she doubted she would be.

Chloe strode into school with her head held high, wearing her favourite jeans and purple crop top. She was glad when she saw the motorbike in the car park; four days without seeing Elsa at school was not good for anyone, and she felt as though there had been an expectant waiting settled over the school. She understood Rhys's friendship with Elsa; she wished she had one with her. She again let her mind work over the idea of Rhys and Elsa fucking, and found her worry had lessened even further. She saw Rae and Finn up ahead, dawdling, of course, holding hands and talking happily. She liked how happy they'd been over the past few months; there had been a very noticeable reduction in the amount of arguments they had. It was nice seeing Finn be less grumpy, more engaged with the world. She held back, letting them have their own world. She heard some nasty giggling behind her and saw some first years watching Rae and Finn, making snide comments about Rae's weight.

"You know there's more to a person than the way they look." Chloe shot at them and they looked at her with a mixture of mocking eyes and shocked faces. "And if all you can worry about is how a person looks… well you deserve the kind o' guys you're gonna attract." She surged forward to catch up with Rae and Finn, leaving a stunned silence in her wake. She turned to look around as she approached them and saw a timid looking first year girl with dark hair and big blue eyes. She was watching Rae and Finn as she walked in to the building. Her friends were chatting and talking and trying to involve her in the conversation… But the girl just stared. Chloe got in between her friends and the girl and when the girl looked at her Chloe glared at her angrily.

"What you looking at?" Chloe asked aggressively. The girl's friends turned to look at Chloe with fright.

"N-nothing!" The girl stuttered and averted her eyes. Chloe marched on.

"No one fucks with my mates." She told herself as she caught up with them.

_'The Perfect Drug' by Nine Inch Nails_

Finn sat in physics, his first class for the day. The teacher was late and all around him a bunch of lads were rowdily chatting and bragging, the few girls in the class held their own though and Finn liked that. But he was exhausted and cranky.

Fifteen days.

Fifteen.

He ached for her, and she had brought him to the point of orgasm so many times in those fifteen days that his whole body felt like it was filled with backed up semen. He felt sure he must stink of the stuff, he joked in his own head that he must make a sloshing sound when he walked. The sexual frustration was in everything he did, from looking at the chalkboard to scratching his arm to making Rae hurt him a little bit more every night. He did like a bit of pain with his pleasure. But the lack of release was killing him.

Macca was sitting beside him, going over notes; he struggled with physics and he needed to pass this class. They were the only two quiet lads in the classroom.

Finn had been meaning to ask Macca if he'd asked Bethany out yet, but he just couldn't bring himself to talk; he was too grumpy. He cast an unimpressed eye at the clock and sighed, his mind turning to thoughts of Rae. She'd be in biology now. Her raven hair falling down her shoulders over those breasts. Finn breathed out loudly, having to stop himself groaning at the thought of her. He hadn't been able to think straight since he'd first met her, but these past fifteen days had been on a whole new level.

He couldn't go more than a few minutes without the thought of her naked body coming to the foreground of his mind, taking all of his focus before he forced himself to focus on whatever he was supposed to be focussing on, putting his sexual attraction to her back in the background of his mind, where it always was, until he needed it. Which he hadn't for fifteen fucking days now.

He kept telling himself that at least they were halfway done with this now. He refused to believe the bleed would last more than a month. He didn't think he'd survive that long. He'd drown in his own backed up cum. He rubbed his face and felt the clock ticking by every second. Macca mumbled beside him as he tried to get the concepts to unravel themselves in his head and Finn put his forehead on the table; images of her playing in his mind. The way she looked when he got to slip his cock into her.

He hadn't been sleeping properly, he dreamt of her body, of the way it felt to be inside of her. He wondered often if it was normal to be this obsessed with sex, to be this preoccupied with her warm wet vagina. Tom had joked with him that he was clearly in withdrawal when he'd mentioned his obsession to him and Rhys a few days back. He'd laughed and said great sex was like a drug and Finn had had to agree. Sex with her was one type of drug and her presence was another type. Two necessary drugs that he was hopelessly and happily addicted to. He still had his Rae fix; he could spend as much time as he wanted with her, even though his dad was pestering him to spend more time downstairs with him and mum now, he still got enough Rae time in. But he was missing his other drug: sex with her. And he was realising how vital both of these components were to his mental health the longer he was without one of them.

For Finn, it wasn't just the fact that he got to cum, there was a deeper intimacy involved with being inside of her. Even when they were just fucking, rather than making love; being inside of her was always deeply intimate and he felt connected to her in a very literal sense when he was inside of her.

That was another topic that had come up with Rhys and Tom. Rhys thought sex was always intimate, even with one night stands; he saw no problem with having one night of deep intimacy with someone and never seeing them again. But he did say that having a relationship of some sort and love for a person could deepen the intimacy of sex, and had done so for him on several occasions. But Tom believed you could have very non-intimate sex with anyone, he'd even had it with Archie, but he admitted it was far harder to be disconnected like that with Archie. Talking about it with those guys had helped keep the yen at bay for a few minutes. But then it was back, roaring through his guts.

He had to have her.

But he couldn't.

So he pushed it down, balled it up, and eye fucked the hell out of her almost constantly when he was around her.

And when he wasn't around her his mind would bring her to his imagination in glorious detail. He could almost smell her right now.

He banged his head on the desk, gently at first, but getting harder to try and get his mind to work on something other than how to delicately bring up the idea of fucking even though she was on it. Which inevitably led to the lecture to stop being so selfish and obsessed with the feel of slowly slipping his entire length into that perfect cunt of hers. He groaned and Macca gave him an odd look. He shrugged and nodded to the clock in response and Macca nodded, not entirely convinced that Finn's groan had been one of impatience for their teacher to arrive.

Finn rubbed his face again and the minute his eyes were closed his mind assaulted him with images of the things they'd done together. He stopped himself from groaning and balled his hands into fists, looking over at the clock again, the ticking was making him crazy.

The thought of skipping class and chain smoking his entire packet of cigarettes came to his mind. He looked over to the door and saw Rae frantically waving her hand, obviously having been trying to get his attention silently for the past few minutes. As soon as he saw her she motioned for him to come over. Finn furrowed his brows, wondering if his sex deprived brain was making him hallucinate. He didn't care, he was getting out of there.

"Feeling sick." He mumbled to Macca and grabbed his bag, walking to the door without waiting for a reply.

As soon as he got to Rae she grabbed his hand and pulled him closer, her lips going to his ear.

"It's over." She whispered excitedly and he pulled back to look at her face. Now he knew he was hallucinating.

"Over?" He asked bewildered, still not believing her.

"Do we have time to go home afore drama, we gotta be back for that cos-"

Finn yanked her by the hand, pulling her like a rag doll towards the disabled toilet. She made a lusty sound of surprise but tripped after him as fast as she could. He slammed her into the door of the disabled toilet, his mouth on hers, his fingers already hiking up her skirt, impatiently, unable to wait a moment longer, even though the location wasn't right.

"Finn!" She gasped, "Wrong side o' the door!" He kept kissing her, his body pressing against hers while she fumbled with the door handle, spilling them into the cubicle when she found it. But Finn didn't miss a beat, he grabbed her hard around the waist, yanking her to him, stopping her from tumbling to the floor. With his other hand he found the door behind him and slammed it shut.

"Holy fuck Finn!" Rae could barely breathe he was squeezing her to his body so tight. He had gotten very strong and Rae tried to make a mental note to thank Rhys for Finn's training, but his mouth on her neck drove all thoughts from her mind. He moved her with such ease now and Rae wasn't used to feeling light on her feet, but he swept her around, slamming her back into the door, this time from the other side. Rae gasped again and reached down to lock the door as she felt his hands on her skirt, pulling it up roughly. She heard a tearing noise and realised her hand was grasping his shirt so hard she had torn the seam on the shoulder. Either he didn't notice or he didn't care because he didn't stop tugging her skirt up violently, his body pressed into her so hard, she could barely move as she scrabbled with the lock, her other hand still pulling him closer, his shirt tearing more. He kissed up her neck, biting her several times, like he would physical devour her, she could feel his cock throbbing through his jeans, his other hand in her hair, pulling back her head so her could kiss her neck properly. When his mouth returned to hers, his tongue penetrated her mouth, exploring, tasting, consuming her. She nearly lost track of everything, feeling light-headed and breathless, it was only her hunger for him that kept her mind on the task at hand and she finally managed to get the door to lock. She grabbed his arse with her other hand and wrapped a leg around his waist, pulling him in closer. His fingers curled around the neck of her shirt and pulled it down hard, freeing up her cleavage for his mouth. Rae heard another tearing sound and tried to stop herself from pulling on his shirt. But another tug from Finn's firm hands and another tearing sound , told her that it was her own shirt tearing. She wanted his mouth on her and clawed at her own chest to get her fucking bra out of the way. As soon as he saw her doing it his fingers were there pulling as roughly as her, leaving scratch marks on her chest as they both tore her breasts out of her bra. He bit her nipple and sucked it into his open mouth roughly, his hand going to her other breast, the fingers finding her nipple and gently pulling on it. Rae threw her head back in pleasure and slammed it into the door.

"Ow! Fuck!" She felt Finn stop to look up at her, probably to make sure she was ok, but she pushed his face back into her tits violently, deliberately smothering him, holding his hair firmly with one hand, the other reaching down to his jeans. He groaned happily licking and kissing her tits while his hands made their own downward journey, reefing at her skirt aggressively so he could find the top of her tights, Rae letting go of his hair to pull on his shirt again. After a few seconds of fumbling with that he made an annoyed grunt sound.

"When we live together; no fucking tights." He said through gritted teeth and tore at the material, moving her whole body with the force of the tearing. She gasped excitedly as he pulled back from her, one hand shooting to her leg to keep it up around his waist, the other pulling viciously at her tights, tearing them along the seam in a loud ripping noise that echoed in the cubicle.

"Get the fuck off!" He tore furiously, wrenching her body towards him, utterly destroying the front of her tights from the thighs up. He pushed her underwear aside and slid his fingers over her wet cunt and Rae groaned so loudly it sounded like she was close to coming. Finn responded by groaning lustily as Rae's fingers pulled at his jeans, snapping the buckle of his belt in her frenzy. Finn barely noticed, his mouth was on hers again his fingers sliding inside of her hot cunt, the smell of her filling him up, driving him on. It was taking Rae much longer than she would have liked to get his cock out of his pants, she broke two of his belt loops pulling him closer to get at his zipper.

"Why do they make the thing on zippers so fucking tiny?" She exclaimed as her fingers slipped of the zipper tongue for the second time. She yanked the zip down before she'd undone his button and reached her hand in, her fingers trying to find the top of his boxers. When she couldn't immediately find it she pulled violently at his boxers, making a petulant, tantrum sound. Finn chuckled lustily, the chuckle turning into a groan when he took his fingers out of her wet cunt and looked at her juices on his fingers licking them happily, tasting her finally. He reached down to try and help her and between them they ended up popping the button on his pants, it flew across the disabled toilet, smacking into the mirror, chipping it before ricocheting off to who knew and who cared where. They laughed triumphantly as his cock emerged finally and they knew that soon… soon… it was going to happen. They kissed deeply, Finn's fingers finding their way back down to her cunt, Rae's hands on his cock.

"Jump up!" He ordered and Rae gave him a horrified look.

"What?"

"Get the fuck on me Rae!" He snapped and she put her hands on his shoulders and jumped up, wrapping her legs around his waist. He pushed her into the door as she locked her ankles together. He didn't need to tell her to reach down and guide his cock into her, she was already doing it before he slammed her into the door. She fumbled with fear that he'd drop her and that she was too heavy playing in the back of her mind, but mostly she was just so desperate to fuck that she was frantic, making her actions uncoordinated.

"Rae!" Finn groaned as she fumbled. "C'mon girl." She finally slid the tip of his cock into her and before she'd had chance to move her hands away he was thrusting in to the hilt, hard and fast. She gasped loudly, crying out when he pulled back and thrust into her harder the second time. The door rattled loudly with each thrust and Rae cried out each time, her arms around his neck, her mouth on his, his hands grasping her arse firmly, his fingers digging in deliciously. She banged back into the door every time he used his whole body to drive into her, his teeth gritting with the effort he was putting in to being in her as hard and deep as possible with every thrust. Rae felt the heat in her cunt tingling in that way that always sent shudders up her spine, her eyes rolled back into her head and she started to groan almost non-stop as the waves of pleasure started to crash into her. But Finn stopped suddenly.

"The fuck Finn?" She almost yelled at him, "Fuck me!"

"I gotta stop." He whimpered and Rae felt a leaden weight hit her stomach as he let her legs drop, his cock slipping out of her. But she barely had any time to think about it before he was kissing her passionately, his tongue again insisting access to the depths of her mouth and breathlessness again overtook Rae. He kissed her for a few minutes before spinning her around like a ragdoll.

"Fuck you're strong Finn." She saw the lusty, triumphant grin on his face in the mirror as he pulled at her skirt and tore at her tights, exposing her pale as alabaster arse. He smacked each cheek, hard, eliciting that moan of pleasure he enjoyed hearing when he spanked her. He knew he should probably finger her again, make sure she was warmed up enough the pounding he was about to give her. But he couldn't stop himself; he had to have her. He slammed into her and she jolted forward, her hands gripping the basin. Rae's cunt sung out in pleasure as he slammed into her again; she was sure his pelvis was gonna shatter if he kept fucking her that hard. He reached forward, grabbing her shoulders and slammed into her, the full force of his thrust finally hitting Rae when she didn't jolt forward with the momentum of it. She cried out loudly, a grunt of pleasure and surprise. He started to fuck her harder and faster than she'd ever experienced. His hands moved down to her hips, gripping her firmly, keeping her close to him and still so he could fuck her. Rae stood, bent over, loving the way his hands felt holding her hips, her mouth open in pleasure, trying to not fall over from the onslaught. Finn physically pushed her forward, wedging her against the sink so that she was in between his hard body and the basin, utterly unable to move, and let his hand creep up to her breasts. Rae looked up into the mirror, needing no prompting from him to want to see him fucking her. She saw him looking at her, his eyes hooded with desire and pleasure. He pulled up her shirt and kissed her back, licking the salt from her skin with a reverent sigh. Rae again felt the tingles from her cunt start to violently shudder throughout her whole body. She started to groan loudly, Finn pressed his back into her, his pelvis losing none of its speed or force and slowly curled his fingers over her mouth.

"Shhh girl!" He whispered to her as her orgasm made her scream in pleasure, his hand mitigating the noise nicely. She watched herself coming, Finn's hand over her mouth, his eyes on hers and felt herself quickly tipping over the edge again, she rolled her head back onto his shoulder and felt his heart beating hard and fast in his chest. She could hear him gasping for air, but he didn't stop; she was coming and he was getting close to coming. She was still coming when he started to thrust in long hard pushes, a groan rising from deep inside of his guts. She watched his mouth open wide, his brows furrow and a loud moan squeeze itself from his exhausted throat; his thrusts getting so hard now that he literally lifted her off the ground, her feet feeling air for a moment. He was shaking violently after he came, his breath coming in gasps, his eyes on hers in the mirror, his hand slowly letting go of her mouth and travelling slowly down her neck, settling on her throat gently as he pulled her back into him, holding her close, his head falling sideways onto her neck, but his eyes never leaving hers while he got his breath back, his cock still inside her, semen dribbling down her legs onto the floor. She saw the lust and desire still in his eyes and knew long before he started thrusting again that he wasn't done. As soon as he had his breath back he was back at it, fucking her as hard as he had before. After just a few minutes of this he pulled out of her, muttering.

"What?" She asked, but he spun he back around, she was very much enjoying Finn too horny to fret about if she was ok. Because she was more than ok; he was fucking the hell out of her and she loved it.

"I said I need to kiss you while I'm fucking you." He said and hoisted her up onto the basin.

"Fucking hell Finn!" She squealed, not expecting that much strength from him. For Finn it was a glorious accumulation of months and months of training. He still had a while to go to be as strong as he wanted, but he had fucked her up against a wall for a brief shining moment. Her weight was better distributed than Tom's, he was top heavy, and it had been easier to hold her up than he thought it would be. He slid back into her immediately, Rae scrambling to find purchase on the sink as he started to fuck her again, accidentally turning on the tap and getting her skirt soaked. But his mouth devoured hers and his cock ground into her, slower now, but no less hard and no less deep. Rae wrapped her legs around his waist to pull him in as close as possible, wanting to feel him deep inside her. Deeper. Deeper. Finn knew this urge in her; she'd had it many times and he curled his pelvis up slightly when he ground his cock in slow and hard and deep. It made her gasp every time, rubbing something deep inside of her that made her almost go into a trance; her eyes rolling back in her head, her groans deep and low in her belly. And always he'd feel her nails scrape across his back when he did this. And there they were. The first time she'd scratched his back he'd felt the pain acutely and flinched away, now he bent into it, enjoying the way it increased his pleasure.

"Harder!" He moaned. And she scratched his back harder, feeling one of her nails bend back slightly. She groaned as orgasm started to wash trough her and Finn groaned loudly in pain and pleasure, feeling himself starting to rush towards the edge again. He couldn't stop kissing her, especially when she bit his bottom lip like that. He bit hers hard, tasting her blood and got only a groan of appreciation from her in response; their mouths not parting for anything. Rae was beginning to cum again when Finn started to groan in a way that meant he was about to come too. She liked it when they came together like this. When Finn started to cum again he took her face in his hands and stared into her eyes intensely, their simultaneous orgasms making them both shudder in silent unison.

"I love you." She gasped.

"I love you." His eyes never leaving hers, even as his body grew weak from the strength of his orgasm. And then his mouth was on hers again, his hands still holding her face. She noted that his cock was not going down and groaned happily. But Finn gently stopped kissing her and looked this watch.

"We gotta go to drama or we can't go to the camp." He whispered regretfully. "And I want you to win."

"Can we go home at lunch time?" She whimpered.

"Aye, we're going home at lunch time." He said firmly, and both of them were thinking about not coming back for the afternoon classes. He kissed her, His pelvis starting to move again for a few minutes, bringing her to the moment of gasping just before an orgasm before he stopped and sighed regretfully.

"Gotta get going, girl."

"Fuck you!" She hissed angrily and he grinned cheekily at her. He stepped back and helped her off the basin, Rae felt a sticky mess between her legs and pulled a face. Finn started to laugh as he looked in the mirror, the neck of his shirt was so torn that it dropped off one shoulder completely. He shook his head and turned to look at his back, it was bleeding and when the shirt had dropped back down, it had bled through the shirt in a pattern that left no doubt as to what had happened to his back. He looked down at his pants and saw his belt hanging uselessly from the remaining belt hooks and the spot where his button used to be. Rae looked down at her skirt, stained with semen and water, torn slightly at the waist and the hem. She looked up in the mirror and saw how badly her shirt and bra were torn, slightly bloody claw marks across her chest.

"Bloody hell." She muttered as she tried to make herself look more respectable, cleaning the mess between her legs while Finn tried to figure out how to make his belt useful, given that he didn't have a button to help hold his pants up anymore. Her tights were a mess and she decided they had to just come off and go in the bin, leaving her with just underwear on under her torn and stained skirt; she was glad they were going home at lunch time. All day with her thighs rubbing would have killed her with both pain and shame. Her underwear was wet with both his and her cum, but she could handle that. She fidgeted with her bra for some time, trying to make it useful again.

"Just take it off." Finn shrugged.

"I'm not going braless at school Finn!" She hissed at him.

"Why not?" He asked her, cupping her breasts, his cock obviously still hard; she could feel it pressing into her arse through his jeans, "I'd enjoy it." She turned and gave him a dirty look. And he just kept grinning cheekily; all signs of his previous grumpy mood gone. In the end she did take her bra off, it was too destroyed to be useful or not noticed. Her shirt was ok if she let it slouch off one shoulder like Finn was doing with his shirt. Finn reached under her shirt and moaned lustily as he felt her bare breasts, running his fingers over her sensitive nipples. Rae had a few bite marks on her neck, and she tried to smooth her hair down and over them, and her breasts. Finn had bite marks on his neck too, but he was making no attempt to hide them; he knew there was no point and he was too fucking happy after that shag to care. She pouted out her bottom lip and he winced slightly when he saw the cut.

"Sorry." He pulled a face and she shook her head.

"Don't be." She licked it slightly, feeling the sting and grinned at him, "I like rough Finn." She tapped his face gently and he grinned smuttily at her.

"Well you're gonna have plenty more of him at lunch time girl."

"I look forward to it." She kissed him passionately, leaving him in no doubt of her desire for him.

"Oh fuck I have to have you again." He groaned lustily, his hands going under her skirt.

"Drama." She whispered. He moaned in frustration, his fingers tracing along her underpants.

"Take your knickers off." He said in a low commanding voice. Rae gave him an incredulous look.

"Not at school Finn!" She whispered.

"Off." He ordered in a soft voice. She felt a thrill in the pit of her stomach and slowly slid them off. He held his hand out and she handed them to him. The first thing he did was smell them, before putting them in his pocket with a triumphant, lusty grin. "Well I'm good to go now." He said smugly and she widened her eyes at him before looking at the door. She was about to protest, but the thrill of maybe getting caught, of doing something like this was too exciting. She nodded slowly, her eyes returning to Finn.

"Alright." She agreed and saw his face grow more excited; he wasn't sure she'd go through with it.

"Fuck you're sexy." He groaned and his hands went back to her waist, pulling her to him again. They kissed for some time, before a nagging worry from the back of Rae's mind took over and she stopped, looking up at Finn she furrowed her brows.

"Was I too heavy?" She made herself ask, needing to know why he'd stopped. He saw the worry, the shame and self-consciousness on her face. He grinned and stroked her cheek.

"No, I had you." He told her with obvious satisfaction, "I had to stop cos I were about to cum." He shook his head in awe of her, "Way too soon and I weren't sure we'd get a second go, you know?" She nodded; it wasn't always guaranteed that Finn would be good to go again so quickly, "You're too fucking sexy girl. I want you too much." Rae felt his hand fall to her arse, already started to squeeze her in a way that meant he was horny and ready to fuck still.

"I think you want me just the right amount." Rae said and looked back in the mirror with a sigh; there was no way she was going to look respectable for drama, half her clothes were torn and she was missing all of her underwear.

"I just got an hour class to get through before I can have you again." He muttered, as if placating a raging beast. She grinned and opened the door to a group of people laughing and gawking, waiting to see who had been fucking in the disabled toilet.

"Oh fuck." Rae whimpered softly. There was no way to plausibly deny it. Everyone knew they'd fucked in there. Finn took a moment to take in the crowd, now silently looking at them, his tongue went to his back teeth in thought. He blinked slowly, realising that even about something this private, he just didn't care what they thought. He shrugged and took Rae's hand firmly, but feeling her trembling with anxiety, he ran the hand up her arm and out his arm around her shoulders. He subtly, gently, un-rooted her from the spot and guided her towards the hall.

"You're alright." He soothed almost silently, "I'm right here with you." He kissed her temple, "And neither of us give a fuck about them." She nodded and laughed nervously. His tension eased immediately, that slight laugh told him that the panic attack had been diverted; she'd done most of the work inside her own head, he knew that, but he was glad he'd been able to help.

"I love you Mrs Nelson."

"I love you too Finn." She grinned. "And I want you to keep in mind, that I'm not wearing any underwear." He heard the nerves in her voice, some left over from the now laughing kids behind them and some from the fact that she was wearing no underwear.

"Easier access for when I get you home girl."

_'Tonight Tonight' by The Smashing Pumpkins_

In the end all of Rae's clothes had been completely trashed by their fucking. He'd torn half of her shirt off before they'd even gotten into his, thankfully empty, house. And when they got up to his room he tore her skirt from her body and pushed her onto the bed in what was possibly one of the sexiest moment of her life, and basically ravished her without saying a word. She had bruises from the hard surfaces in the disabled toilet and scratches and hickies and bite marks all over her. She ached from being fucked, her insides felt bruised and Finn laughed that he thought the head of his cock might be bruised after it all. He was in a similar condition physically and they grinned at each other happily; having skipped the rest of the day at school to fuck violently and loudly in his room, finishing up with a slow, long lovemaking session in the shower.

Neither of them could walk properly when they meandered into the pub that night for the evening's revelries with the gang. Archie took one look at them and shook his head.

"Redgate finally over then?" Rae gave Finn an annoyed look.

"What? He's me best mate, and he knows when it's not happening." Finn tried to placate her grumpy face.

"The whole fucking world knows when you two aren't shagging; behold the wrath of Finn when he's not fucking." Tom laughed.

"Oi!" Finn said with a surprised look.

"What? You're a grumpy sod when you can't get in her pants. We all know it!" Tom grinned cheekily, "What was that two weeks? I'm no expert love, but you should see a doctor."

"I have." Rae said through gritted teeth. She saw Archie whisper something to Tom and understanding come to his face.

"Oh right." He shrugged, "Don't have to worry about that kinda thing luckily." He grinned and Rae turned back to Finn.

"You told Archie about the…" She didn't say IUD, even though Archie and Tom where the only ones here yet, it was still a pub filled with patrons.

"He did, and I just told Tom." Archie grinned, "One of the other consequences of being an open group of friends."

"For fuck's sake." Rae muttered.

"He's me best mate!" Finn repeated, "And I were worried."

"So you thought you'd tell a gay man about the inner workings of me clacker?"

"I talked to me best mate about stuff in me life that's worrying me." Finn corrected and Rae rolled her eyes.

"Sorry Archer." Rae turned to Archie, knowing that Archie was often burdened with too much information about her vagina.

"I survived it." He said seriously, "I always do." Finn rolled his eyes at Archie, "Although I do know more about vaginas than any other gay man I know." Tom chuckled and wrapped his arm around Archie's waist with that happy grin he always had when he looked at Archie.

"As long as you don't put that knowledge to good use too often, we'll be fine." He teased.

"Good to know." Archie laughed, clearly having no intention of putting it to good use.

"Right, I'm gonna buy the first round for everyone." Tom grinned, "So those other sods have drinks waiting for 'em when they get here."

"Right, I'll come help." Rae offered and Tom took her hand, the two of them set off across the pub. Chop came in, a cigarette dangling from his mouth, his hands pocketed, looking tired but happy.

"Where's Iz?"

"Doing a suit fitting for Rhys." Chop shrugged, "She had to make a suit that was challenging, this year for school. She said Rhys's size qualified as challenging. So her and those guys'll be along in a bit." Finn looked at his tired face.

"Long week?"

"Second week of owning me own business." Chop grinned, "It's more work than I'm used to." He acknowledged sitting down between them, "But I fucking love it." He grinned and then looked around the pub.

"Gents, I gotta tell you something." He motioned for them both to get closer and Finn lit up a cigarette before leaning in with a sceptical look on his face; whenever Chop said something like this it was either a bullshit story or a prank. He looked around and when he was sure no one could hear him he opened his mouth, paused, furrowed his brows and then snapped his mouth shut.

"What is it?" Archie asked and Chop turned to him.

"Well." He said slowly before turning to look at Finn, "I got something to tell you Finn." He whispered and Archie gave Finn a look over Chop's shoulder. Finn shrugged back to Archie bemused face and flicked his eyes back down to Chop's face.

"Oh aye? What?" Finn asked, not wanting to get dragged into another prank. Chop looked back at Archie for a moment gave him a bit of a grin that Archie couldn't read and then stared off thoughtfully. Archie and Finn shared another confused look.

"Izzy did something to me." Chop said after a long pause.

"Alright." Finn said, "Doesn't she always do stuff to you?" Archie pulled a face and Finn had to stop himself from laughing at him.

"Aye but this were different laddy." Chop said in a voice that indicated he'd seen and done things Finn could never understand.

"Different how?" Archie tried not to laugh at Chop's melodramatic voice. Chop looked at him for a minute and patted him on the back.

"Alright." He said as if Archie had achieved something wonderful and Archie opened his eyes wide in awkward confusion while Finn repressed his sniggering. Chop turned to Finn and he instantly put on a serious face and tried to look as if he was listening to everything Chop said very closely.

"You remember that deal you made with Rae?" Chop asked and Finn scrunched up his face, "You know the one you thought were about her putting the brakes on?" Chop asked and Finn nodded, "Tit for tat… don't worry about the fucking tat…" Chop said with a meaningful nod of the head and Finn took a moment to let that sink in before his jaw dropped in surprise.

"Wait, what?" Finn asked amazed but Archie still looked confused.

"Fucking amazing." He nodded, "Fucking do it." Chop grinned with an oddly satisfied face and nodded wisely again.

"Wait." Finn said shaking his head, "You mean… She…" Finn stopped, "She…"

"Slipped a finger up me arse." He said very softly, leaving a moment of silence between the three lads before Archie broke out in laughter. Finn kept looking at Chop stunned.

"It were good?" Finn barely breathed the question; this was something that Rae wanted to do to him. Chop nodded.

"It were like she were touching me cock from the inside."

"Holy fuck, what does that even feel like?" Finn marvelled.

"Like nothing you can imagine Finn… fucking do it." Chop turned back to Archie and gave him another grin and Archie shook his head.

"Getting your prostate poked by a finger is a totally different thing to getting a cock up there." Archie was still chuckling.

"I know!" Chop said angrily, "But I understand how you do it now." Finn looked at his two mates with an open mouth, his eyes flicking from one to the other.

"Oh right?" Archie laughed, "Solidarity huh?"

"Yeah!" Chop grinned and pat him on the back again and Archie shook his head in bemused disbelief.

"So…" Finn had a million questions rushing through his head, "what…? How…?" He stopped and looked at Chop as Chop just put a hand around his shoulders.

"Just let her do it Finn." He said sagely, "Just let her do it." Finn blinked at him and shot Archie a dirty look because he was guffawing so loudly now that his face was starting to go red. Tom and Rae returned with the drinks and Tom gave Archie a curious look as if to ask 'what's funny?'

"Heterosexual boys." Archie answered his unasked question and Tom nodded.

"Of course."

"What about 'em?" Rae asked and Chop leaned forward and put a hand on hers.

"Just be gentle Raemundo." He said with that wise voice and leaned back, smoking his cigarette enigmatically. Rae gave him a confused look but Archie was nearly choking he was laughing so hard at Chop. Finn continued to look amazed and intrigued.

"The fuck happened when we was at the bar?" Rae asked and Chop shook his head.

"That's between us three." He said firmly.

"Oh right?" She said, looking at Finn, who flicked his eyes between Chop and Rae.

"Don't you say a word Finn." Chop told him and Rae shrugged.

"Keep your secrets." She said disinterestedly, "Whatever." But beneath the table she slowly traced out words on Finn's thigh.

_Tell me later?_

Finn traced a word on her thigh.

_Maybe_

She looked at his face and he grinned cheekily.

_Maybe?_

She traced and he subtly shook his head.

_Izzy will tell you._

He wrote on her thigh and she nodded, running her hand up his thigh to his crotch. He gave her a smutty look and didn't try to stop her from gently tracing patterns over his groin, making his balls ache for her again. Normally he'd gently take her hand off his crotch if they were in public and she was getting frisky like this, but after fifteen days of no Rae action, Finn was taking everything he could get. Especially since she was heading off to Lincoln on Sunday night because the performance day on Monday ran from 7am until 7pm, and if she got through to the final, she'd be needed on Tuesday from 7am until 4pm. On Wednesday morning, the minivan would bring back everyone but Sam and Rae, and then pick up Finn and the other comedy actors for the same drill on Thursday: 7am until 7pm. Finn hoped he'd be needed for the Friday finals, but he doubted it. He knew Rae could do it, but didn't think he was capable of it; he wasn't that good at acting. Still, he was excited to be going at all; he got butterflies thinking about it. But he got grumpy thinking about the time away from Rae. So he intended to make the most of the weekend he had with her before she had to go.

Izzy and Rhys came through the door, Rhys holding the door open for Chloe who was looking outside, down the street at a guy that had just whistled at her, the door to the pub hiding Rhys from his view.

"Go fuck yourself!" She called out, "Whistles are for fucking dogs!" She started to go back out the door when he yelled back at her and Rhys stepped out after her, Izzy turning to look, but one look at Rhys had made the guy who had whistled at Chloe back off instantly. She turned back to Rhys and pushed him hard but he barely moved.

"I can take care of me own fights!" She told him firmly.

"I know." Rhys said, "I wasn't intending to get involved!" Rhys grinned, "I wanted to see you kick his arse." She tutted and rolled her eyes.

"Yes but one look at you sends them scampering away." She laughed.

"I've gotta see your form in real fights." He shrugged and she nodded.

"Right, new life goal; start more fights." Chloe joked as they sauntered over to the table. Izzy went straight to Chop and gave him a kiss, sitting on his lap happily. Finn stared at her for a moment, thinking about what Chop had told them a few minutes earlier.

"A little news guys!" Archie said once everyone had sat down and they all turned their eyes to him, "We are heading off on our three month odyssey not this Monday but next; everything's booked and finalised!" Rae pouted slightly; she would be away for the whole of his last week here.

"I'm gonna miss you!" She said dramatically and leaned over the table to throw her arms around his neck.

"Face full o' tit Rae!" Archie's voice was muffled but she didn't care, she just hugged him tighter.

"You must be so excited!" Chloe threw herself into the hug, Izzy joining in.

"Party at our place Friday night?" Chop asked, "To see you guys off?"

"Yeah can't have it at your place." Izzy said, "Don't wanna have to spend Saturday cleaning up!"

"We'll be back from drama by about 6pm." Finn told them and Chop looked over at Tom for confirmation; Archie was still buried under the girls.

"Sounds great." Tom answered, "and we'll have to give you all our itinerary so you know where we are all the time." He grinned, "It's planned down to minutest detail." He nodded fondly, looking over at Archie as he finally freed himself from the hug, "Even what time we're going to each attraction." Tom started to chuckle. He loved how much attention to detail Archie had.

"We probably won't end up sticking to it." Archie acknowledged. "I read in 'Lonely Planet' that Egypt runs on its own timetable, so there's not point trying to get anywhere on time."

"But you tried to organise us at least." Tom grinned appreciatively.

"And we'll still be in the basic locations on those dates, even if not the exact location." Archie shrugged.

"What d'you mean?" Chop asked.

"Well we're in Cairo first. And I've put Coptic Cairo visit 9am on the 30th." Archie told them, "So we'll definitely be in Cairo on that date… but we might not be in Coptic Cairo."

"What's Coptic Cairo?" Izzy asked.

"Copts are Christians Iz." Chop said, "They got their own pope an' everything." Izzy looked at him for a moment and then looked at Archie for confirmation.

"He's right." Archie said.

"Oi!" Chop grumbled, "I know that kind o' shit."

"I'm sorry Choppy." Izzy kissed his cheek and nuzzled into him and Chop's rolled his eyes and stopped grumbling, wrapping his arms around her contently. They talked for a while longer about the possibility of the different popes getting into a pope war until Izzy gave a quick look to Rae and then Chloe, the three girls simultaneously standing up.

"Gotta pee." Chloe said and started to turn towards the toilet.

"Why you all gotta go?" Chop asked suspiciously, eyeing Izzy meaningfully. She gave him an enigmatic smile, gently stroking his cheek.

"Oh Choppy… you know why." She said gently, grinned and turned to go with the girls. Rae gave Finn a final grin, and seeing Chop's brows furrowed, unimpressed, knew she was about to find out what the lads were keeping private.

When they got into the bathroom, Rae was frustrated by a group of four girls in there, gossiping happily, unwilling to give up their spot, continuing their conversation. Izzy was unwilling to tell them what she had to say until they were in private.

"I'll just tell you girls later." Izzy said disappointed.

"Nah I really gotta pee." Rae lied, wanting to see if the other girls would leave if they hung around. Rae went in the cubicle and sat on the lid of the toilet. She heard Chloe and Izzy muttering together softly and the other girls giggling. She listened to the girls and tried to think of a way to get rid of them. Hearing the way they were talking gave her an idea, that she just hoped her girls would pick up on.

"Did you see those fit lads that just come in when we got up?" Rae asked them loudly. Chloe and Izzy gave each other a confused look.

"You what?" Izzy asked and Rae rolled her eyes. She wished she wasn't in the cubicle now, so that she could give them a look to go along with it, but if she was out there, Izzy would leave.

"You know the fit lads that sat up the back table. All alone, no girls." Rae was talking about their lads, and she'd have to apologise to them for sending these girls to them; but from the talking they'd been doing, Rae had figured out that they were on the prowl for male company. "Looked like they was sharking." Rae crossed her fingers that at least Chloe would get it. She was greeted by silence, "Reckon when I'm done here we should go get 'em." Rae said and Chloe finally caught on.

"Yeah, all five of 'em was real good looking." Chloe saw the other girls pretending to not hear what they'd said, whispering to each other now. "And the real tall one was giving me a look." She added. Suddenly the obvious leader of the other group of girls broke for the door, the other three following her. As soon as Rae heard the door open she left the cubicle and gave Chloe a grin.

"Why did we just send four girls off to go after our lads?" Izzy asked confused.

"Well they're not in here anymore are they Iz?" Rae asked and Izzy grinned.

"Ah right! She said appreciatively.

"So what were you gonna tell us?" Rae asked excitedly.

"I did it!" Izzy said excitedly, jumping up and down on the spot slightly. She bit her bottom lip waiting for them both to congratulate her. But they both looked at her blankly.

"Did it?" Rae asked.

"Did what?" Chloe added.

"There's a huge range o' things you could o' done Izzy." Rae concluded and Izzy rolled her eyes.

"I finger-banged Chop!" Chloe's jaw dropped and Rae blinked at her.

"How the fuck did you get it done first?" Chloe started to laugh. Rae shook her head slowly taking it in and then joined Chloe in the laughter.

"Wow Izzy!" Rae agreed with Chloe, "You dirty pervey girl you."

"Is it bad?" Izzy asked, suddenly worried.

"No it's brilliant!" Rae grinned. "What were it like?"

"Well for one. Cum is disgusting, how the fuck do you two swallow it?" Rae shrugged.

"I dunno, apparently diet plays a role in the way it tastes." Chloe answered.

"It's not just the taste though, is it? It's the fucking texture." Izzy pulled a face.

"The way it sticks to your teeth!" Chloe nodded her head. Rae made a sound of agreement

"So what were it like?" Rae persisted.

"Well I told him I were gonna do something new to him and to try and like it. Then I went down on him. And I just did it." She shrugged. "I just got it in me head that I were gonna do it if I could. And I knew if I asked him first he'd never go for it. So I just gently… went for it." Izzy shrugged, "That sounds bad, don't it? But I gave him plenty o' time to back out before I slipped it in, but he never said nawt." Izzy elaborated; "I mean he looked surprised when I started to touch him there. And worried. But when I put it in him, he looked confused and then… then it were like I were giving him the most amount o' pleasure he'd ever experienced." Rae and Chloe's jaw dropped in surprise, "It were like he totally lost himself and got caught up in what I were doing to him completely. And when he came it were the hugest orgasm I've ever seen 'im have. He shook like I shake!"

"Holy fuck." Rae was awed by this account.

"He were a mess after, collapsed and couldn't even talk." Izzy grinned. "I did that to him." She said proudly. "The book said it were immensely pleasurable for some men and not at all for others… I'm glad it were so good for him." She said honestly. "And I win!"

"Check this girl out!" Chloe said proudly, "Getting what she wants, when she wants it!" Izzy beamed at Chloe and looked to Rae who was shaking her head.

"And I'm not even done with that lad yet." Izzy grinned cheekily. Rae chuckled.

"Fuck Izzy! Now I'm thinking it's Finn that'll never let me do it!" Rae laughed.

"The world's gone upside down!" Chloe agreed, thinking that Chop had been the most vanilla of the lads a few days ago, and now… he was caught up it seemed. Thanks to Izzy's efforts.

"Congratulations on your victory!" Rae gave her a hug.

"What d'you reckon the boys'd say if they knew we was making competitions?" Izzy fretted.

"Who cares?" Chloe chuckled, "They do it all the time. And it's not like we're forcing 'em to do anything they don't wanna." She shrugged. Izzy considered this for a moment and nodded.

"So we'll need to make up a new competition girls." Izzy grinned.

"Still got second and third place on this one!" Chloe said, "I gotta get my man's queer pride back!" She joked.

"D'you think Chop's queer cos he liked it so much?" Izzy asked and Chloe shook her head. "I wouldn't mind if he were." She grinned deviously.

"Oh!" Chloe laughed, surprised, "I think you'd prefer it Izzy!" Izzy shrugged and sighed wistfully.

"Better go save our lads then." She thought about those, very pretty, very sexily clad women they sent to go after their lads.

When they left the toilet, sure enough the four girls were at the table with the lads, having sat down and chatting. Rae noticed Finn leaning away from one of them, and when she tried to touch him he moved his hand away so she couldn't, picking up his pint and looking away. Tom was chatting, bemusedly to one of them, his arm still around Archie's shoulders, but the girls not seeming to take that hint. Chop was lighting up a cigarette as the one girl swapped between trying to talk to Archie, who kept watching the conversation with Tom and the girl, and Chop. He looked slightly lost as to what to do with the girls. And the fourth girl had cozied up to Rhys. And Rhys, being Rhys, was being as polite as ever; he and Tom were being the most polite of the lads; albeit Tom was being polite because he was so amused that the girl wasn't getting the idea that he was gay, based off how he was touching Archie. As he spoke his hand started to massage Archie's chest, eventually coming off his shoulders to let the hand rest high on his thigh, but still the girl continued to flirt and Tom loved her folly so much he let her. Chloe watched Rhys as he politely answered the girl's questions with closed answers, giving her nowhere to go with them and asking her no questions of his own. Finn said something to the other girl and she looked affronted. They got over there just in time to hear her angrily muttering.

"Get over yourself, you're not that fucking fit." Finn looked completely disinterested, even in her reply but he came to life, grinning broadly when he saw Rae and held a hand out to her.

"Get out o' me girlfriend's seat." He said to the still muttering girl. She looked up at Rae and made a disgusted sound. "Move it!" Finn said firmer when she didn't move. "I told you not to sit down in the first place." He said to her angry glare. She got up and looked at Chloe and Izzy. Izzy dropped back into Chop's lap as Tom's hand travelled high enough up Archie's thigh to be touching his balls through his pants, and still the girl didn't realise. Chloe went over to Rhys and sat next to him, squeezing in between Chop and Rhys, who immediately put his big arm around her shoulders as he once again politely answered her question. She saw his arm go around Chloe and her face grew angry and cold.

"Why are you talking to me, if you're with her?" She accused angrily.

"Because I do not see all women as possible targets for my dick." Rhys answered, "As such having a conversation with any woman is in no way inherently sexual or suggestive of possible intimacy." She opened her mouth in confusion and Chloe grinned, mostly pleased that she understood what he was saying. "Therefore, me having a girlfriend in no way hinders my access to conversation with women." He finished simply.

"But you knew I was interested in you!" She retorted angrier than before, feeling stupid.

"And that is why I did not let us talk about topics that would in any way imply that I was interested in you in that way." She stormed away, to the bar, muttering under her breath, the other three girls following, the one that had been talking to Tom was very reluctant to leave, even as Archie kissed Tom on the cheek. As the girls departed they were greeted by the sight of Danny coming through the door.

"Danny!" Izzy squealed and jumped up to give him a hug.

"I'm only here for a few hours." He said apologetically before the rest of the gang said their hellos, Chloe introduced Rhys and Archie introducing Tom.

"How's the business owning going Danny?" Rae asked with a grin and Danny nodded slowly.

"It's hard work." He said, "Longer hours than I'm used to and so much power." He said almost melodramatically. Chop grinned happily.

"Danny's in charge of all the financial shit," Chop said, "I ain't got a head for that stuff."

"I'm quite good with numbers." Danny reassured Tom and Rhys; he'd already told the rest of the gang this fact a few times. "But Joe used to keep an eye on me." Danny fretted slightly.

"I don't." Chop shrugged, "If I can't trust me business partner, what's the point o' being in business with him?" Chop slapped Danny on the back happily, "But enough o' fucking work!" Chop insisted, "How about we have a look-see 'round the pub for a nice lass?" Chop nodded towards two girls sitting at the bar and Danny looked over instantly, with a slightly worried expression.

"I don't think I'm handsome enough." Danny answered and looked back at the table.

"What you on about?" Chop asked, his nose scrunching up in confusion.

"Well, you see, girls like that, don't go for guys like me." Danny answered, "Actually… girls in general don't go for… me."

"That's not true!" Rae answered, "Tixie had such a crush on you!"

"Ah but Tix were special Rae." Danny looked downcast. "Did she really?" He asked with a hopeful grin.

"Yes Danny!" Rae answered firmly. Danny looked at her for a moment.

"Why do you suppose she did?" He asked, "In the interests of education." He assured them.

"Cos you're clever." Rae answered.

"And funny!" Izzy added.

"Kind." Chloe continued and turned to Archie.

"You're a real loyal friend." Archie looked to Chop.

"Reliable as they come." Chop added.

"And creative." Finn grinned, thinking about Danny's plan to make him jealous at the sexy party.

"But I don't look like you do I?" He asked astutely, "So it's harder for me." Finn furrowed his eyebrows and looked to Rae for help.

"Why are you suddenly worried about that Danny?" Rae asked.

"Well I just wonder what I have to offer a girl." He said, "And my parents put up a family portrait. I don't like it."

"What, you don't like the way you look in it?" Chop asked.

"Yes." Danny answered simply, turning his eyes back to Finn.

"Aye but that's a photo." Finn shrugged, "I know from me pictures of Rae that she looks different in photos than real life."

"Yeah cameras take something three dimensional like a face and render it in a two dimensional way," Tom piped in, "It's inherently flawed, it flattens out the features." He shrugged and notice Archie giving him a strange look, "What?" He asked, "I know photography I did some modelling for a bit." He shrugged.

"Of course you did." Archie shook his head and chuckled before turning back to Danny, "And you know, similarly, even with mirrors, you see yourself reversed."

"So in reality… you've never seen your own face!" Finn finished happily and then a distant look of realisation came to his face as he realised he'd never seen his own face either. "Fuck…" He said slowly. "No one has ever seen their own face properly… not the way other people see it."

"I need a lot more pot before I can have this conversation." Tom answered and they all laughed.

"The point is," Rae persisted, "You don't know what you look like to other people Danny." She was suddenly struck by her own words and turned back to a smiling Finn, he stroked her face momentarily before she turned back to Danny, "And while it's very nice to be physically attractive to people, if that's all they can see about you… then they're not worth knowing, are they?"

"You're right!" Danny got up suddenly and went over to the girls, the gang watching on surprised at the suddenness of his actions.

"Oh god I hope this goes well." Rae whispered, her hand going up to her mouth in nervousness for her friend. They watched him say a few words to one of the girls, both of them laughing. There was a collective intake of air for the gang as they worried about what kind of laugh that was… and they slowly exhaled as Danny said something else and both laughed again, the one closer to him turning her body to allow him into the conversation.

"Fuck I wish I'd known his pickup lines a year ago!" Chop shook his head as the two girls burst out into laughter again, both of them leaning in closer. "Look at that little fucker go!"

"He's not using a pickup line." Rhys said with an appreciative nod of the head. Chop turned to him, "Look at his body language, he went over there to make friends, not get laid."

"Well whatever he's doing, it fucking works." Chop shook his head in amazement as the girls laughed loudly again, the one closest to him putting her hand on his arm and saying something back to him that made him laugh too. "I don't think he needs a wingman!" Chop shook his head and felt his mood deflate; he'd been looking forward to helping Danny out tonight. He looked around the table, his eyes stopping on Finn. "How's it goin' with your mum?" He asked in what he thought was a delicate voice. Archie took a hissing breath and held it, his eyes open in shock and warning at Chop to shut the fuck up. Rae gave Chop a dirty look, clearly unable to believe that he was so stupid as to ask that. Finn turned his eyes to Rae for a moment. She was the only one that could have told them.

"I talked to me mate about something that was worrying me?" She said in an attempt at an apology and Finn nodded slowly. Everyone else in the gang realised that this was not a light topic and tried to not stare at Finn, looking down at their drinks, except for Rhys, who cocked his head to the side and watched Finn closely. Finn had been sent to boxing to deal with the anger he had felt as a ten year old when his mother had abandoned him. In essence this event had shaped his whole life, had set him on the path he was now on. To have her return would be an extremely unsettling event.

"She makes you question where you are in life." Rhys said softly, "you wonder where you would have been if she had never left." Finn nodded sadly.

"I can't help but wonder." Rae lowered her eyes as Finn spoke, "but then I really liked me life before she came back… now it's… awkward." He said after some thought. "And sometimes she tries to…" He shook his head, "Be my mum." He sighed, "Before she returned, I would've given almost anything to have a mum… but now when she tries to be me mum…"

"You don't know how to take it?" Izzy asked sympathetically. He nodded.

"And me dad's bang up on us having heaps o' family time to try and mend. So she's over every night for few hours afore she heads back to the hotel…" He sucked his bottom lip, "And no one talks about…"

"Why she left." Archie reached out and took Finn's hand momentarily, squeezing it before letting go.

"Is that what happens now?" Finn asked with a scrunched up nose, "Is this our lives now…?" He lit another cigarette, Rae had noticed that he'd been smoking more since Kenzie had returned. "Do we just pretend the last eight fucking years never happened, and she comes back to teach me about me Scottish heritage and try to ask me dad's permission to give me fucking curfews?"

"Oh Jesus." Chloe shook her head.

"I know it's hard for her too, but…" He bit the inside of his cheek. "I dunno." He had wanted her to come back and for them to slip into being a happy family, on some level he had wanted that; he had wanted a mother. But having a mum was really annoying. She was always worrying about what he was eating and the bruises he sometimes picked up in boxing and if he was warm enough, and just everything… it was a constant stream of trying to deal with her concerns for him.

"She's probably trying to make up for lost time." Izzy tried to soothe.

"I suppose." Finn answered morosely, clearly not wanting to talk about this; his head was all fuzzy on this topic.

"Am I the only one here that didn't know his mum had been gone for eight years?" Tom asked in a self-depreciating tone to lighten the mood.

"I knew she were gone but I didn't know it were for that long." Izzy said, "Or that she were back."

"Same." Chloe added.

"I had no clue either." Chop shook his head, happy someone else hadn't known. Rhys kept his eyes on Finn, understanding better than anyone here how something like this could shake Finn to the core; he had known firsthand how her loss and continued absence had affected Finn.

"I'll drive you out to practice at Gus' place next Saturday Finn." Rhys said firmly and Finn nodded, understanding that voice too well to bother protesting.

"Anyway." Tom again sought to lighten the mood, "In an attempt to make the conversation 1, more comfortable for me and 2, all about me; I'd like to show you all the good work my dentist did on the tooth Rhys knocked out of my head!" He opened his mouth wide, deliberately putting on the least attractive face he could, making everyone start to giggle as they peered into his mouth.

"Can't even tell you was missing one." Finn turned to Archie, "Reckon you'll get yours fixed?"

"Not a fucking chance!" Archie answered firmly, his tongue going to the hole at the very back of his teeth. "I earned that lost tooth!" Archie reminisced about the AFL match in his mind. "Can't believe you're getting another go." He shook his head, "Getting rewarded for fucking failing that is." Finn shrugged with a cheeky grin.

"'Ere, don't you reckon having Lego body parts, would make life easier?" Izzy suddenly asked, "Like you could just pop your teeth out afore you went on the field or afore a fight…"

"It'd be fucking cheaper." Tom laughed.

"I'd take me bottom arm off when I'm spooning." Chloe said.

"Oh fuck yes!" Rae said, "Gets in the way and it goes fucking dead."

"I'm not gonna lie, but there's times I'd pop me dick and balls off." Chop ran with the idea.

"Sometimes they just get in the way." Archie agreed.

"Tits when I'm running." Rae said, "Right off. It'd be bliss."

"Tits when training!" Chloe agreed. "And hair when you're sleeping or swimming."

"I'm so sick o' waking up thinking I'm being suffocated by Cousin It." Rae agreed.

"Your tongue just after you've bitten it." Izzy said with a sage nod.

"Any injured part!" Chop agreed.

"Me fuckin' uterus once a month!" Rae said and Izzy and Chloe groaned in agreement. Rae grinned thinking about her little IUD friend that was gonna make her period free for the next 5 years.

"I think it's agreed Izzy, this is a brilliant idea!" Archie said.

"Aye!" Rae agreed, "Why isn't it so?

"Make it so Izzy!" Chloe backed Rae

"Alright!" She laughed, "I wouldn't o' minded Rhys being able to take his cock off Lego style when I were trying to measure his fucking in-seam!" Izzy laughed, Chloe and then Rae joining in. Rhys opened his mouth in surprise and then started to chuckle.

"OH!" Chop laughed loudly, "Something finally got under Rhys's fucking skin!"

"I saw it too!" Finn backed him up.

"I freely admit it!" Rhys laughed, "I'm still not accustomed to how open you all are about this kind of thing."

"Ah, it's no news to them, I already told them ages ago." She shrugged and he shook his head and laughed, slightly embarrassed.

"What the fuck are you embarrassed about?" Chop said, "From what I hear, you got like a ten incher or something!" He laughed, making a joke, not expecting it to be true. Rhys lowered his eyes and Tom chuckled dirtily.

"Ten inches is like the length of your forearm." Archie shook his head to indicate this was not a possibility. Chloe held up her arm and looked at her forearm and shrugged.

"Yeah about that." She said with a shrug. "Maybe a tiny bit less?"

"Holy shit!" Chop's jaw dropped as the girls cackled happily at the boys, all in stunned contemplation.

"You fucking deep throated that?" Archie turned to Tom, Rhys kept his head down, as Izzy and Rae's jaws dropped, their eyes turning from Tom to Chloe and back.

"Yes I did." Tom said proudly. "Dislocated my jaw the first time." This was met by loud groans of sympathetic pain all round, but loudest from the girls. "It's fair to say I'm the gayest man in the world." Tom grinned, clearly proud of the accomplishment it was to get Rhys's cock down. Chloe looked at Rhys and saw his demeanour.

"You alright?" She asked him softly and he nodded slowly. "I'm sorry." She fretted slightly and he shook his head.

"It's the way this group of friends are." He said slightly stiffly. "I chose to be here." He laughed suddenly. "Oh for fuck's sake." He said loudly, "It's not that fucking exciting." He told them.

"And I've seen bigger." Tom shrugged.

"Serious?" Finn asked Tom with a look of horror before he looked down at his own forearm.

"You get much bigger you'd fucking pass out getting a boner!" Chop laughed.

"How many guys have you seen with cocks like that?" Archie asked and Tom shrugged.

"Just two. There's not many guys like that. I think it's something like only 1 man in every 3.5 million men are 10 inches or bigger."

"Wow." Izzy's eyes were still wide with surprise, she looked at her forearm, "Sorry Rhys, but I'd never want something that big in me!" She looked at Chloe, "How d'you do it?" Chloe shrugged.

"He takes care o' me." Chloe smiled smugly.

"For the rest of us." Tom said magnanimously, "The average length is about five and a half inches." He looked at them all with a grin, "I hope that makes you all feel better." Rae looked at Finn and narrowed her eyes. Tom saw her and started to chuckled, "I get the feeling there'll be a whole lot o' measuring happening tonight."

"Fuck no!" Chop said, "I don't wanna fucking know." He shook his head, "I got enough things to worry about, without worrying if I measure up." He pointed at Izzy, "If it makes her cum it's fine."

"That's the best attitude." Rhys said, "Size is no guarantee of making your partner scream." He grinned cheekily. He shook his head as he saw Izzy still looking at her forearm in horror.

"True, but you know me Rhys!" Tom grinned, "I like 'em big. And even then, seven to eight inches is my favourite length." Tom declared, "Not too big to wreck you, but big enough to make you work for it. Still does a bit o' damage if wielded right…" Archie blushed slightly and looked away.

"Oh hey Danny's still getting on great with those girls." He said, his voice slightly higher than usual. Tom laughed, delighted by Archie's response.

"Oh aye?" Finn asked and turned his face towards the bar where Danny and the two girls were chatting happily.

"He's a natural." Chloe watched Danny as a tall Asian man walking past did a double take at Rhys.

"Rhys?" He asked and then took in the rest of the group. He cocked an eyebrow at Rhys, clearly confused, "You missed Nikki's poetry session tonight." He said, "It was amazing." There was a mild accusatory undertone in his voice.

"Yeah but I had this planned." Rhys said and then introduced everyone to Jae, ending with Chloe, his girlfriend. Jae smiled tightly.

"Her poem was about the struggles of a Muslim woman in the UK." Jae said, "You would have liked it." His eyes took in the group again.

"Is she doing a repeat performance?" Rhys asked hopefully.

"Yeah next Saturday." Jae answered.

"Shit, I'm busy."

"Right." Jae said slowly. "Well it's at 6pm."

"I'll try and get there."

"Well I hope you'll bring Chloe along. We're all dying to properly meet her." He grinned more warmly at Chloe and then motioned towards the bar, "I work here now, gotta go."

"Alright." Rhys watched him go with a slightly pensive look on his face.

"Been neglecting your mates now you got a girl?" Chop asked sagely.

"Yes." Rhys answered, "I have been neglecting my friends lately. But this is not Chloe's fault." Chloe still gave Rhys a worried look; she already knew that she wasn't going to fit in with them. He hadn't said anything, but when he described them to her, it sounded like she was just going to be hopelessly inept and inarticulate and unknowledgeable. Rhys had reassured her that it would be fine, but she worried.

"Maybe we could all go to the poetry reading?" Rae asked in an attempt of support, Rhys looked almost startled by the idea before laughing.

"Sure, if you want!"

"What's funny about it?" Rae asked.

"Nikki's last poem was called 'White Devils Fist Fucking the Corpses of my Sisters.'"

"Wow." Rae said with wide opened eyes.

"It was a scathing attack on misogynistic, white supremacist ideologies in mainstream UK politics juxtaposed against the London dating scene." Rae nodded as if she understood all of that.

"Alright." She said awkwardly trying to sound excited, "Sounds good!"

"I'm keen!" Izzy grinned, "Even though I didn't really understand what you just said." Chloe realised suddenly that she did understand what Rhys had just said and felt an upsurge of pride; she was getting somewhere with all the reading. It wasn't just the words she understood, but also why that poem would have worked; she had an idea of the issues that would have been in it.

"Alright." Rhys shook his head, "I'll take you all along if I can find the time in my schedule."

Danny wandered over as the gang changed topic to the new regional football team that Macca was getting going, Chop and Finn trying to convince Rhys to come and play with them, Finn realising that his sessions with Gus and Petra would conflict with the matches and organising with Rhys to change his training times when the season began.

"Did you get some phone numbers lad?" Chop asked excitedly and Danny looked at him perplexed.

"No." He answered easily, "Why would I?"

"So you can get to know 'em better." Rae backed Chop up.

"Oh." Danny considered this for a moment and shrugged, "I'm sure I'll see them again some time."

"You gotta be more proactive Danny." Chop told him. "Get phone numbers, go out on dates…" He saw Danny's happy face looking at him passively.

"I suppose." He answered in his usual happy voice, "But making new friends is just as important." He said sagely.

"Yeah but what about a girlfriend?" Chop asked.

"Like Rae and Izzy and Chloe…?"

"Like a girl you give kisses and have sex with." Chop answered, "When I say girlfriend I mean a girl you snog." Chop said and then remembered Danny's own words, "I mean a romantic partner."

"I'm sorry, but the name girlfriend isn't very apt." Danny shrugged.

"I s'pose not." Chop answered. "But that's what I mean anyway, alright?"

"Alright." Danny agreed.

"So if you want one of those girls to be your girlfriend, you gotta get her phone number." Danny considered this for a moment.

"Neither of them like ducks." He answered as if that were answer enough. And for Chop, it was. He nodded.

"Well, onto the next then, lad!"

Danny had left the pub an hour later with a phone number scrawled on the back of his hand, a goofy grin on his face and Chop's words of encouragement in his ears. The rest of the gang would stay and drink for a couple more hours, Izzy bowing out of the drinking early and switching to water as her oncologist had told her to do, Chop joining her, both silently making the change without telling the rest of the gang.

Danny walked home happily, thinking about maybe kissing a girl and how nice that might be. He had kissed girls gently – pecked them. But not the kind of kissing he'd seen the rest of his friends all do. He wasn't sure if he wanted to do it or not, even though he thought it might be nice. He'd have to talk about this with Chop; he'd know what to do about it. This wasn't like Rae not knowing how to get a boy's attention, he understood that, he knew all about boys; he was a boy. But he didn't know all about girls, or kissing or sex. And while he was curious, he wasn't entirely sure if he did want to know all about sex.

_'Hallelujah' by Jeff Buckley_

It was a grey morning, rain hung in the air like mist, distant thunder rumbling through his chest. Finn always hated it when he felt the thunder like this; it gave him a sense of foreboding.

And really, everything felt like it was on the edge of a knife. He didn't understand why he felt like this. Maybe it was the dark gravestones moving towards him through the still air, as if he were motionless, and the world was moving beneath his feet, despite his best efforts to stay still; he was happy now, he didn't want anything to change, he was almost afraid to do anything should he change his life now.

The thunder rumbled through his chest again and he frowned glumly. He just wanted his life to stay the way it was. His friends were happy, he and Rae were happy. But up ahead he saw her light brown hair, raindrops clinging to it, leading him deeper into the graveyard. Everything was changing.

His mind kept returning to this exact same journey 13 years previously. Tiny flashes of memory. Her hair, resting against the black material of her dress. Following behind her; her eyes never meeting his, her eyes barely seeking him out at all. Feeling scared and alone. And wondering what had happened to Grace.

Where was his sister?

Her hands folded before her, her eyes downcast, her head bowed. He remembered all of this, and now she walked ahead of him, in the same manner. Although perhaps her hair was longer now than it had been then; his memory was not willing to make that clear to him. His memory would stab him painfully with some emotions from that day; the way it felt that his mother wouldn't look at him while she cried. The fear he felt as his father wept, tightly holding his hand. His memory gave him vivid images like the coffin slowly entering the ground. The distance in his mother's eyes, how bright the day was. But it wouldn't tell him what he wanted to know; the small detail he was focussing on to take his mind off his sense of foreboding. Was her hair longer now than it had been?

He remembered as a child loving to touch her hair, to play with it. He remembered wanting to reach out as a child on that day, to stroke her hair. He felt that had he been tall enough to just touch her hair gently, she'd know that everything was alright, and she'd look at him again.

Was it longer now?

Probably.

He just wished he could remember properly.

Finn felt his fingers twitch and reached out to her as she walked before him, wanting to touch her hair. His fingers stretched out and almost made contact with her damp strands. But he closed his hand and pulled away; he barely knew this woman. He couldn't stroke her hair and tell her it was alright like he'd wanted to when he was five years old. He couldn't make her look at him.

Even now, she'd look at him for a moment and then look away. As if it hurt her eyes to see him.

But part of him couldn't stop thinking that if he hugged her, stroked her hair and told her it was going to be alright, that somehow, she'd start looking at him again. Finn felt lost like that five year old 13 years ago, following his mother to a gravesite, his father behind him, silently never taking his eyes off him.

She got to the grave and paused, unable to go any further. Finn stood beside her for a moment and saw her wringing her hands slightly, tears on her cheeks.

"Mum?" He said softly.

"I haven't been back here since…" Her eyes never left the tombstone as her voice cracked painfully and Finn looked back at the grave. He took her hand and gently lead her towards Grace's grave.

As soon as she was close enough she fell to her knees, her fingers reaching out to touch the stone.

"Oh mo leanaban nighean." She whispered. Finn bit the inside of his cheek and watched her gently stroke the gravestone, her other hand going to the grass over where her coffin must lay in the earth. "I'm sorry I haven't visited Gracie." She whispered through her tears. "I was lost." She kissed the grass and touched the fresh flowers gently. "Still am a bit." Finn watched her rearrange the flowers gently.

"Your friend has flowers sent to her grave every month." Finn said as he crouched down beside her.

"I asked her to." Kenzie said without looking at him, "I had her keep a bit of an eye on you." She stroked the grass sadly, "Nothing serious, just making sure you weren't getting yourself in any trouble."

"Then you've heard all the gory details." Finn tried to break the tension but she just kept looking at the gravestone. He watched her stroke the grass, almost as if in a trance.

"I've made so many mistakes. And I've been very unwell." She said after a long pause. Finn nodded, thinking of how many times Rae had said those words to him 'your mother was unwell.'

"Aye?" Finn answered, not knowing what to say, not even sure that he was needed here. He looked at his mother, an ache settling in his stomach as he followed her eyes to Grace's headstone. "I only just found out about her." He tried to bridge the gulf between them. "Da decided-"

"I know." She said tersely. "We disagreed on that." He saw her chin square and realised her had chosen the wrong thing to talk about, "You should have been allowed to remember her." Finn didn't know how he felt about that. There had been something very free about his life growing up that was lacking now. Grace's death was a constant pain in his soul, even though it happened so long ago and he barely knew his sister or remembered any of this. But had he remembered her, perhaps he would not have this guilt. This constant nagging question of how could he have forgotten her. He let his knees drop to the grass and very quickly felt moisture seep through the material.

He felt that thunder again, but this time the sense of foreboding choked his throat as he watched his mother gently stroke the grass above his dead sister's grave and whisper to her in Scots Gaelic. He lowered his eyes from her face and tried to repress all the hopes he'd had. He looked up at Grace's grave again, and waited in silence for her to tell him why she had even bothered to bring him along. After nearly ten minutes, Finn's fist were clenched in his pockets and his knees hurt from kneeling, but still he stayed. He had to.

"Grace was a quiet baby." Finn looked over at her. "I wanted you to know about her." She said, "But… when I got here." She had felt hysteria building up in her chest. So she had calmed herself, speaking to Gracie, feeling the earth beneath her hands to keep her in the here and now so the panic wouldn't take her. "Well I just needed to have a chat with her." She said with a sad smile. Finn heard the lie. He was getting adept at hearing lies, but he let her have her own thoughts and simply nodded. "Your baby sister used to look up at you like you were an angel. And every time she heard your voice she would settle down." Kenzie smiled sadly and Finn felt tears come to his eyes, "When I couldn't get her to stop crying, I used to make you come into her room, even if you were playing, so she could hear you." Kenzie touched his arm and Finn took his hand out of his pocket and held her hand. "Your father and I both used to comment on how much she loved you. And you loved her Finn." She said in a low voice. Finn felt his breath catch, "You used to dote on her. You wanted to play with her and pick her up. You used to tell us how it was your job to look after her." Finn let out a silent sob. Kenzie, still looking at the grave, didn't see how her son was affected. "You should not have had those memories taken from you." She shook her head, "I let you down, I should have fought harder."

"It's alright." Finn tried to comfort her, his throat thick with emotion. But she shook her head again.

"You two would giggle. Even though she was just a baby; you could get her giggling. And I always knew that I'd have to watch you two as you grew up, because you'd be little devils together." She sniffed and wiped her face, "I'm sure all of this is strange for you… thinking of the relationship you had with someone you don't remember. But it matters."

"Aye it does." He said honestly. "But I understand me da's motives." He added and she nodded.

"Me too." She sighed, "Now." She added, "I didn't back then. And I still believe it was the wrong thing to do." She squeezed his hand tightly, "But that's life. We all make mistakes, and your father and I are only human."

"I know." Kenzie let his hand drop and put both of her hands on the headstone.

"She'd be 13 now, nearly 14." She said sadly, "School. Boys. Growing up." Kenzie shook her head, "A lifetime of options and chances and opportunities…" She swallowed her tears, "Gone." Finn looked at the side of her face. He felt like he knew the way the side of her face looked infinitely better than the front view of her face. He felt a question burning in his chest as lightning lit up the sky. He sucked his bottom lip to hold it in and tried to be her silent son; what she seemed to need. Finn let his mind wonder over the photographs his father had saved, images of Finn and Gracie together, of their family together.

The thunder grumbled louder this time, crashing violently at the end as Finn acknowledged, that in spite of how much he cared for Janice, he had desperately hoped, wanted, for this family to be like they were in those pictures. He wanted to reach out to her again, the five year old in him wanted his mother so badly. But there was so much between them now. So much that might never heal.

Some things are never able to heal.

Watching his mother at Grace's grave had driven this point home brutally; there was a hollowness in his chest. It would always be Gracie. Finn felt that even though he was alive and here and needing her, it would never be enough to get her love. That was all for Gracie now. Not that he begrudged Gracie that. It just filled him with a grief he could barely penetrate.

Lightning lit up the sky and thunder cracked loudly; a storm would eventually come and drench the graveyard.

Finn ached to just be at home, in bed, naked, his arms wrapped around Rae, listening to the rain dancing against the window pane. The wind picked up slightly and he knew they had to go soon to miss the storm. This chance at bonding with her was gone. There wasn't going to be any bonding. It was all going to be awkward, forced family dinners, his father desperately trying to make conversation while his mother wouldn't even look at him.

"Do you still blame me?" He hadn't even realised he was going to ask this question, even though it had been burning in his chest, he had not wanted to speak these words; he was so scared of the answer that he nearly got up and left before she had chance to answer.

"What?" She looked up at him, desperate sorrow in her eyes.

"For her death." She looked away so Finn pressed her, "Do you still blame me for Grace's death?"

"He told you that?" Her voice was choked with emotion.

"I found the letter."

"Oh God." The internal strength that had been holding her upright seemed to collapse and she put her hands over her face as she sunk down to the ground, her forehead hitting the grass as she wept. "I'm sorry." She wept. "You should never have… seen that…" She tried to say it through the sobs. Finn felt tears on his cheeks and did nothing to hide or mitigate them, he left her a moment of silence, waiting for her to tell him that she didn't blame him anymore. But she said nothing. Finn felt the question burning him. He had to know. Even if the answer would destroy him.

"Do you still blame me mum?" Finn asked desperately.

"No!" She wept, "No, my boy." She reached for him and he grabbed her, nearly falling into her arms like a child. She put her arms around him fiercely, holding him to her like her life depended on it. All Finn could do was weep and hold on to her tightly, "Why would you think I do?"

"You won't look at me ma." Finn cried, "Just like you didn't after… after she died."

"Oh Finn." She sniffed and took his head between her hands. "That's not you my son." She told him, looking him in the eye, "That's my shame and guilt… I don't deserve to be lookin' at you." She pulled his head to her chest and held her to him like he was a child, her heartbeat calming his tears. She stroked his hair slowly and rocked him gently. "I know you've got so much to hold against me." She whispered, "Rightly so." She kissed his forehead and Finn felt his fingers curling around the material in her dress sleave; he felt himself clinging to her. "But I will make it up to you. I promise." He felt one of her tears hit his face, "Just give me a chance. Please Finn."

The misty rain started to take form and patter slowly all around them.

"Alright." He whispered.

_'Liar' by Rollins Band_

Lightning lit up her room as rain started to pelt the window. Rae usually loved a good summer or autumn storm but right now she was in no mood for just about anything.

Rae was in a slightly cranky mood. She had very little time with Finn this weekend and she realised that she was very selfish with his time; she wanted it all to herself.

But at the same time she knew it was the right thing to do when she had encouraged him to go with his mother to visit Grace's grave. He needed time with her and his family to try and bond and heal; she understood that. And it gave her time to knock out some homework. Grumpily.

She worked solidly for half an hour before she decided to make herself a cup of tea.

When she meandered into the kitchen her mother was playing with Aiesha quietly.

"Hiya." She kissed Aiesha in the forehead and immediately she grabbed Rae's hair. In her grumpy mood Rae struggled to not loudly complain about her baby sister. She managed to prise Aiesha's tiny fist open and free her hair. She kissed her mum too. They had been getting on lately, and Rae preferred to not rock the boat now that things were going well. Rae strongly suspected it was the drugs the doctor had her on for the post natal depression. They had changed them recently and Linda was much happier and agreeable. Karim seemed to fret about this, but as far as Rae was concerned, her mother cooing happily at Aiesha and agreeing to all of Rae's ideas was perfect.

"Letter came for you yesterday pet." Linda said in a happy sing-song voice. Rae furrowed her brows momentarily; Karim was onto something when he said she was too happy sometimes. She made herself the tea and picked up the letter that Linda had gotten up to bring through to her without comment, and headed back up to her room.

She sipped her tea and absent-mindedly opened the letter, opening it up and nearly choking on her tea when she skipped to the bottom to see who it was from. She put her tea down and shook her head in bewilderment as she started to read the letter.

_Dearest Rachel_

_I'm so sorry it has taken me so long to reply to your letter. At first I wasn't going to, thinking you of an age where you can make your own decisions and deciding that if you do not wish me in your life then that is your choice. But I have thought about this and feel that perhaps it was not a decision you made, but a reaction to me letting you down._

_I know that you are upset that I went away when I was supposed to be seeing you. But allow me to explain. I am an antiques dealer. This means I must travel a lot in order to find appropriate items for my store. And even though I would like to continue to have contact with you, I will always have these little business sojourns that will, on occasion, take me away from Stamford._

_Rachel, you are my daughter, and I would like for you to stay in contact with me please. There is a lot I can offer you, including further driving instructions and perhaps even some work experience in my store on weekends. Let's try to have a decent relationship, I am sure we can manage that._

_Please consider my request._

_Your loving father,_

_Victor._

Rae put the letter down and stared at the wall for a moment. She noticed that he still hadn't given her his home number. She noticed a lot about that letter. But more than anything she felt the need to see him again. She wanted him to explain why he had left. She wanted him to tell her why he hadn't tried to contact her all these years. She wanted the chance to bond with him, just as Finn was getting that chance with his mother. Even though she had Karim and appreciated him immensely, Rae was still curious about Victor. She put the letter aside, knowing that he was not a very nice person. Knowing he was a liar and a manipulator. Knowing he was no good. But still having the urge to see him. She thought of the nasty things Victor had said about her mum; how did he have the right to judge the woman that had stuck around for Rae when he had abandoned them both?

"I am not going to go and see him." She shook he head and tore the letter in half, an urge to walk to his place gnawing at the pit of her stomach.

_'Big Long Now' by Nirvana_

Rae decided to walk to Finn's place now that this morning's storm had passed and the sun was peeking out from the ragged clouds. He'd be cranky that she wondered around alone, but she had to get out of her room. The torn up pieces of the letter were getting to her and she really wanted to see him. She supposed he'd be back from the cemetery by now. How long could it take? And she really wanted to get some time in before his parents dragged them both out to the flea markets this afternoon. She needed some hugs. And sex. She needed sex too.

Linda gave her a cheery wave goodbye and Rae felt herself agreeing more with Karim again as she left the house.

When she arrived at Finn's house, it was Kenzie that opened the door. She smiled slightly and let Rae in.

"Finn's just gone to the store to pick up some groceries." She said, "And Gary is at work this morning."

"Oh right?" Rae said as happily as she could muster. "How's everything?" She tried to make small talk and wondered if Kenzie would let her just wait in Finn's room.

"Difficult." Kenzie said as she sat down on the lounge, "But I suspect you are more than smart enough to know that."

"I s'pose." Rae said and sat in Janice's chair. She noticed that Kenzie sat where her and Finn usually sat; right in the middle of the lounge. There was a silence as Rae struggled to think of what to say. "So um… are you keen for the flea markets this after?" Rae asked with a pleasant grin.

"I actually wanted to talk to you about that Rae." Kenzie said with downcast eyes. Rae could tell she was struggling internally with what she was about to say. "I know…" She stopped and shook her head before looking back up at Rae. "This outing is for family Rae." Kenzie tried to sound firmer than she felt. Rae felt her jaw wanting to drop in surprise but she kept is closed, only her repeated blinking gave away how surprised and upset this has made her. "I'm sorry!" Kenzie said genuinely worried she was hurting Rae; it was not her intention, "I know you feel like you're family. But you're not." Rae's mouth opened slightly as she took this in, her whole body feeling swollen and jittery. "You're just his girlfriend. And… and I don't mean that as an insult, I'm sure you're very lovely… It's just…" She lowered her eyes and clasped her hands together tightly, "We've been apart for a very long time, and-"

"You need to bond." Rae interrupted more brusquely than she had intended, "I get it." She tried to soften her tone because she did understand the need for them to have time together; that's why she had encouraged Finn to go to the graveyard with her. "So I'll play along with this one. I've got a friend who's running a fundraising stall, I can help her out." Rae said, the true level of rejection sinking in. Kenzie didn't even want to try to get to know her. She just saw Rae as something in the way of her and her son bonding. She tried to think about Finn and what Finn wanted and needed. "But let me give you some advice, just cos I want Finn to have his happy family fantasy." Rae gathered her thoughts for a moment, "if you ever say to Finn, that I'm not family, he will argue with you." Rae said slowly, "And he is very stubborn." Kenzie looked at Rae for a moment and then lowered her eyes.

"I know I'm coming on a bit strong Rachel." Kenzie said looking her in the eye, "But he's my son."

"I know." Rae answered, "And whether you like it or not, I'm his girlfriend."

"And girlfriends come and go." Kenzie's eyes dropped to the necklace around Rae's neck and shook her head, "I'm sorry. That was much harsher than I intended." Rae saw her clasped hands shaking and thought she was starting to understand Kenzie a little. She got up and paced the room, her hands coming together in front of her, wringing slightly. Rae worried for her, the way her brow furrowed, the nervous movement of her hands. Kenzie's anxiety levels were clearly not alright.

"I just don't know where I fit into all of this… into their lives." Kenzie looked back at Rae with an apologetic look. "I don't mean to…" She sighed and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath and slowly letting it out. "I know you might not have the best impression of me." She said sadly, "But regardless of the years I've spent away from Finn… regardless of his age." She fixed Rae with an unwavering stare that Rae felt was nine parts false bravado, aimed at hiding her anxiety, "He's still my baby. And I want what's best for him." Rae nodded slowly, trying to take in everything that she'd said.

"Right well, I get that." Rae said slowly, "But regardless of your feelings, you need to take into consideration those eight years you was gone, and Finn's age." Rae saw her eyes drop, the wringing of the hands again, but she pressed on, "Cos they mean something. And you've got a lot of explaining to do about where the hell you've been and why you didn't come back." Rae watched Kenzie's eyebrows furrow, saw the tear drop from her eyes before she turned away to cover her emotion. She faltered for a moment, but she knew Finn's mum needed to hear this, "Cos it really matters. And these daft Nelson men are just being too polite to ask."

"If I were them…" Kenzie's throat was choked by emotion. She stopped and shook her head slowly, unable to finish the sentence.

"Exactly." Rae said, knowing what Kenzie was thinking. "You wanna heal this family, all three o' you gotta talk."

"I know." Kenzie replied not turning around, "Which is why you need to not be around so much." She turned back to Rae, "I'm sorry."

"You think I'll stop you healing and bonding?" Rae asked.

"I know you will." Kenzie said, "When you're around, all Finn thinks about is you." Kenzie shook her head sadly, "I don't want him to be miserable, so by all means, please come around at appropriate times. But some things are for family." She said firmly.

"Well you can tell Finn that yourself." Rae said as she stood up. Kenzie nodded slowly.

"I thought you might say that." Kenzie said, "But I hope you meant it when you said you'd like for Finn to have his happy family fantasy."

"Aye I did." Rae said guardedly.

"Rachel, I swear to you that this is nothing against you personally… but… But if you did mean it… and if you love Finn… you'll give him time with his family." Kenzie took a step towards Rae, "I'm sorry." She said softly, "But you must know deep down inside that he needs this." Rae felt tears stinging at her eyes.

"I s'pose." She whispered.

"Ok." Kenzie replied, taking a deep breath, "Well," She looked at Rae apologetically, "Finn and I need some time today, so you need to go now." Rae lowered her eyes and nodded. She turned towards the door. "I'll tell him you stopped by." Kenzie said, "And I'm sure we can organise some time for you to spend together tomorrow." Rae heard that tone of kindness and sympathy in Kenzie's voice and felt her teeth grit. She walked towards the door and left without another word. Kenzie watched her leave and put a hand up over her mouth, feeling the tears coming to her eyes. She didn't want to hurt Rae at all; she hated that she had. But she needed to focus on Finn.

_'Little Things' by Bush_

Finn kept his head down, his fists balled into his pockets. He was feeling quite grumpy; Rae was supposed to have spent this afternoon with him, but his mum said something about Rae understanding how important their family time was. Finn had stopped himself from saying anything to his mum, instead going up to his room to call Rae. But she hadn't been there; the phone had rung out. He knew Linda had therapy right about now, so he knew that if she was at home, she'd be there alone. She was still a little anxious about being there alone. He considered going round there, but realised there was no guarantee she was there. If she really had decided to leave him to his parents today, she could be anywhere. He rung Archie and then Chloe, knowing that these two were his best bet but he came up empty handed.

The afternoon had dragged, and at one point Finn had almost fallen asleep at the kitchen table. They had been reminiscing, talking about the past; like they always did. It had been a week of talking about the past. Finn wanted to ask them what about now? What are they doing now? what happens from here? But both of his parents were carefully dancing around the topic. In between not addressing the big topic. The elephant in the room. Finn wondered if he should just ask her that too. It had worked for Gracie's death. He had heard what he had so desperately needed to hear from her. He felt like he was healing slowly. So maybe he should just ask why she had stayed away so long. He had learned from being with Rae that it was better to speak, better to be honest and brave. But then, his parents weren't Rae, and maybe it was better to be like his father this time; reserved, repressing…

He didn't know what to do or what to feel.

So he walked through the flea market with his parents, his fists balled in his pockets, his head down. His whole being wishing Rae was here. It felt wrong that she wasn't.

"You seem a bit grumpy Finn?" His dad asked and Finn shrugged.

"S'pose." He mumbled. His father's follow up question was stopped by a woman approaching them. She wore knee high boots and a fitted red dress on her ample figure with a very pleasant amount of cleavage showing.

"Asking for donations for reparations to the theatre at the arts centre." Finn looked up and saw Elsa with a tin cup.

"Didn't take you for the begging type." Finn said with a mild hint at suggestion.

"You'd be surprised." Elsa replied with a gorgeous smile, "if it's worth begging for, I can be moved to kneel." She said it with no hint of suggestiveness, no flirting at all. But nonetheless Gary's eyes widened slightly; this woman was incredible, and his son was chuckling easily, as if unaffected by her. Finn pulled his wallet out and put twenty quid in the tin cup, seeing that almost all of her donations were twenty and fifty quid notes. He shook his head. Of course she'd do well at something like this.

"So what needs to be done?" Finn asked her.

"When we got the deal to run the classes there, the theatre had to be inspected for safety to minors. Closer inspection showed the wiring of the lights to be not up to current safety standards, the whole electrical system is being re-done as we speak. But the cost of that is going to be more than the theatre's budget." Elsa said, "The arts centre makes lots o' money now, thanks to Janice." She said, "But the theatre's been mothballed for years… and it has a separate budget to the art gallery section. So it needs your help." Again with that smile, "The best help you can give is by being a paying theatre goer when the season of shows we've got planned start up in late October."

"You've got the whole speech worked out, haven't you?" Finn shook his head and Elsa grinned again.

"I've already made a couple o' thousand quid." She said happily, "For some reason, people are feeling very generous today."

"I think you'll find heterosexual men are feeling generous today Elsa." Finn laughed, "What d'you say dad? Wanna save our theatre? I'll be doing me performing arts class there on Fridays."

"Oh… sure…" Gary stuttered slightly and pulled out his wallet, Kenzie's eyes went to Gary and then to her son, before finally resting on Elsa.

"How d'you know this woman?" Kenzie asked as Gary pulled out £50.

"She me drama teacher mum!" Finn said, "Elsa, this is me mum and dad; Gary and Kenzie." Elsa held out a hand to shake.

"Nice to meet you both." She was aware that Finn's mother had left years ago and had quickly ascertained from the tension between everyone that she had only recently returned.

"D'you know where Rae is?" Finn asked Elsa suddenly, hoping that Rae had come to help out with this endeavour.

"She's helping Janice out with the stall we've got." Elsa told him, "Selling the old promo posters from the theatre storage. There's some old signed ones too. That theatre used to have some good shows."

"This is your drama teacher…?" Gary asked, still not able to take all of Elsa in.

"Aye." Finn answered, amused.

"At school?" Gary took in the dress slowly.

"Aye." Finn rolled his eyes, and Elsa did a fine job of smiling sweetly for the parents.

"You've ignited a passion for theatre in him." Gary said eventually with a wry grin.

"No I'm fairly certain Rae did that." Elsa answered, "All I did was get him back in to school."

"Oh that was you?" Gary held out his hand again, "I owe you a lot of thanks for getting him back in school."

"My pleasure." Elsa said honestly, "I do like it when I fight for a student, and they so brilliantly prove me right." She looked at Finn, "I told them that you'd do well this time."

"You're always right Elsa." Finn laughed.

"Anyway, as much as I have enjoyed this little chat, I've got money to make." She grinned cheekily, "Back to it." She wandered off, finding the next person to approach and chat to. Finn saw the man give her twenty quid before she'd even explained what it was for. He chuckled; the theatre would get its money. Between Elsa and Janice, it was a forgone conclusion that the theatre would be a success by the end of the year.

"She's your drama teacher?" Kenzie asked incredulously, watching the way her full rump moved in the tight dress. Finn noticed where his mother's eyes were and shrugged.

"She don't dress like that at school mum." Finn reassured her, "I think she knows we'd never get anything done if she did." He chuckled and looked forward to finding Rae somewhere in this mess of a flea market. He kept his head up now, on the lookout for his girl.

"How can you talk like that about a school teacher?" Kenzie asked, surprised.

"She's a teacher mum, not dead." Finn shrugged indifferently.

"In my day we hated most of the teachers." Gary shook his head.

"In our day, the teachers didn't look like that." Kenzie's eyes followed Elsa through the crowd, her bright red dress standing out spectacularly.

"Oh for fuck's sake." Finn said in a tired voice, "I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable that a teacher's a human being that is well liked by her students cos she treats us like human beings too."

"Language." Gary knew he was fighting a losing battle, but Kenzie's presence made him more willing to try anyway.

"I just worry." Kenzie said softly. Finn shrugged again.

"I don't know what to say to you. But of all the things you need to be worrying about, Elsa's not one of 'em." He turned away, "Yeah she's beautiful, but she's not for me." He scanned the crowd, looking through the people at the stalls, seeking out Rae, "So you don't need to be worrying about me fucking a teacher."

"Language…" Gary reminded hm.

"I'm sorry." Kenzie said before Finn had chance to reply. "I'm still finding my feet."

"Yeah well I'm 18 mum, not 10." An awkward silence settled on them and Finn turned away. "Where's Rae?" He mumbled.

"Yeah, why she isn't here with us?" Gary seized on the opportunity to change the topic, "I thought she said she'd come along."

"Well it's nice we're here as a family though, isn't it?" Kenzie asked bracingly.

"Rae is part of this family." Gary replied.

"Rae _is_ my family." Finn corrected meaningfully. And Gary, who had been living with Finn through the past year of turmoil with Rae understood his meaning completely.

"You both feel that way?" Kenzie asked with a barely audible voice, her heart starting to thump as she realised she had made a terrible mistake.

"Of course." Gary said simply. He watched his wife look away, a worried expression on her face.

"We'll have to make sure she's at family things in future." She said softly and Gary nodded, realising that it was probably Kenzie's fault that Rae wasn't here today. They had a long way to go, but he put his arm over her shoulders to comfort her. They started to walk again, Finn too busy scanning the crowds and stalls for Rae to really hear what they were talking about.

When he finally saw her, she was chatting to a man, holding a poster open between them, while Janice and Elsa counted the money from Elsa's stuffed tin. The man handed over some money happily and Rae rolled the poster back up for him, putting an elastic band around it to keep it closed. Finn surged forward, leaving his parents behind, Gary, his arm draped over Kenzie's shoulders watched Finn go and looked through the crowds to see Rae. His smile dropped when he saw Janice at the stall, her eyes had found him. He almost took his arm off Kenzie, but she had looked away before he did. He lowered his eyes.

"D'you wanna get some fairy floss?" He asked Kenzie, wanting to steer her away from Janice.

"No." Kenzie said watching as Finn got to Rae, she saw the huge grin on his face as he slipped behind the table and took her into his arms. She felt the depth of her mistake when he kissed her and held her tightly. "I think we should talk to Rae."

"Don't you think we should give them some time alone?" Kenzie looked up at Gary while at the stall Finn was stroking Rae's cheek.

"Where you been girl?" He asked, "I've missed you."

"It's only one day." She smiled awkwardly.

"Aye, but tomorrow night you're off." He pouted, "I wanna get as much time with you as possible."

"Alright, you can come round to my place after this." Rae grinned.

"Why weren't you at mine when I got back?" He looked worried and Rae sighed internally.

"I just think it's important for you to get lots o' time with your family Finn." It wasn't a lie, she did. She just hadn't expected it to be as much time as Kenzie obviously thought, "you got a lot of healing and-"

"You are my family." Finn said commandingly. His voice firm and insistent. "If you're not there it's a waste o' me time, cos I don't wanna build a family without you in it." Rae felt tears in her eyes and stroked his face as she swallowed them back. "I'm serious Rae, don't disappear on me alright? I need you."

"Alright." She whispered, not sure how she was going to manage to navigate the issues with Kenzie. Even if she could be brought around, Rae knew that Kenzie's anxiety was as bad as her own. And Rae knew that having two people that messed up in his life couldn't be good for Finn.

Kenzie approached, Gary trailing behind, his head down and his hands pocketed.

"Do you have a 'Waiting for Godot' poster?" Kenzie asked Rae quietly.

"Aye." Rae said, "It's a good play." She found out the promotional poster from when the theatre had run that play many years back.

"Surprised it's not a Scottish play, ma." Finn teased and she smiled tightly.

"Well you've got to give the Irish some credit." She returned as she opened the poster with Rae. "It's signed, d'you know who by?" Rae shook her head.

"I can try and find out." She suggested but Kenzie shook her head.

"I'll go through all the old records, it'll be good for me." Finn listened to their delicate small talk and watched as his father gave Janice a longing look. Janice was very obviously refusing to look at him as Elsa laughed and took her tin, ready to head back out. But Janice was keeping her there, joking, and talking shit to give herself something to look at other than Gary with his wife. Finn watched Gary's brows furrow, his eyes drop as his feet started to shuffle and was glad he wasn't his father. It was nice to be so in love that there was literally no other choice he could make. He had met a woman in Elsa, that had he never met Rae, could have made him happy in an entirely unexpected way. But having met Rae, there really was no one else that would do. It was nice. He saw how nice it was when he saw his father's struggle.

"So how much money have you made?" Kenzie asked.

"I dunno, Janice is keeping track of it." Rae said, "But to be honest, we need more than just the re-wiring costs. Phil said the lights are basically antiquated fire hazards. And I know we need a new spotlight." Kenzie turned to look at Finn.

"Does this stuff really matter to you?" She asked and Finn nodded.

"The community arts centre is important for the town." Finn said, "And I been really enjoying me theatre." He grinned, "I enjoy the tech stuff more than the acting stuff…" He admitted, "But I like all of it." He nodded and slipped his arm around Rae's waist. Kenzie noticed that he spoke more freely when Rae was around, even if after every sentence he finished his eyes went immediately back to her. Kenzie pulled out her purse and handed Rae £50.

"Thanks." Rae smiled and tapped Janice on the shoulder, Janice turned and Rae handed her the money. Before she had chance to stop herself she looked up at Kenzie.

"I'd like to help out at the arts centre, if you need any office work done for free, I could volunteer." Kenzie said to Janice earnestly. Finn saw Gary wince silently and bite his bottom lip and watched Janice swallow back whatever she had really wanted to say and smile, quite convincingly.

"We do have enough people in the office at the moment." Janice said charmingly. "But I'll let you know if anything changes." She put the money in the bag with the rest, "Thank you so much for the offer and your donation." She smiled again.

"It's fine." Kenzie smiled.

"We are going to go and get some fairy floss." Gary said firmly and Kenzie looked up at him surprised.

"Come with?" Finn said to Rae and Rae opened her mouth to say no but Janice motioned for her to go.

"I got Elsa and Sue helping out, and Phil will be here in about 20 minutes." Janice told her, "Go!"

"Yeah but Elsa and Sue are tin collecting." Rae said, "Maybe I'll just hang around till Phil gets here?"

"Whatever you do, we will meet both of you there, so don't dawdle." Gary said to Finn and Rae, before taking Kenzie's hand and leaving. Janice lowered her eyes, Rae and Finn both watched her, worrying. But Elsa silently watched Finn's parents leave, her quick eyes picking up on all the small subtleties.

"Oh how I enjoy awkward tension." Elsa teased and Janice rolled her eyes. "Here I was thinking that their little love triangle," Elsa motioned towards Rae and Finn, "was a fascinating example of why monogamy is stupid, but now I have yours my dear friend." Elsa grinned at Janice, "Far more pertinent."

"Yes alright." Janice shook her head.

"You alright?" Finn asked and Janice took a deep breath.

"Fine." She said firmly, "It'll get easier every time I see him." She noted Kenzie's donation and the sale of the poster in her ledger and looked back up at them, "I'll be over him in no time at all."

"I think I need to take you out for a night of drinking and fucking complete strangers." Elsa grinned, "It's been far too long since I had a one night stand. You in pretty lady?"

"Yeah." Janice grinned. "I'm in."

Rae and Finn dawdled to the truck selling fairy floss; Finn didn't like it all that much. He liked it much less since Olivia had tried hand feeding it to him. They had left before Phil came, Janice shooing them off so that her and Elsa could organise their night out in privacy.

"D'you reckon a night of fucking guys'll be good for Janice?" Finn asked.

"Why not?" Rae asked.

"It's just not what I expected." Finn said, "It's not healthy is it?"

"Guys fuck a bunch o' girls when they get dumped, why not her?" Finn considered this and nodded his head.

"I s'pose. I just figured Janice wouldn't do that."

"You say that like it's bad to fuck a bunch o' people."

"Not bad. Unless you're doing it to fill an emotional hole." Rae was the one considering things now.

"Aye." She agreed. "If you're doing it for fun then sure." Rae spelled it out, "But if you're doing it to numb your pain…"

"I can tell you first hand that sex to numb pain only makes you hate yourself." Finn shook his head.

"Aye but Janice isn't you. It might be different for her." Finn nodded his head slowly to Rae's reply.

"That's very true." He leaned over and kissed her lips.

"Either way, we're gonna have to get all the gossip outta Janice about what happens." Rae said cheekily and Finn chuckled at her.

"I knew you'd say that." He said fondly grinning at her.

"You saying I'm a gossiper?" Rae asked, "Or nosy?"

"Only about certain things. And with them you are an unstoppable force." Finn laughed at her scowl, "No more than me!" He pleaded as her fake scowl started to crack into laughter. He sighed happily; "I love you girl."

"I love you." She replied with an equally happy grin.

"I were real worried today that everything were changing." He told her, his thumb stroking the back of her hand.

"Change can be good Finn." Rae reminded him and he took that in gratefully.

"Aye but it was so… I dunno… it just felt like a bad change were coming."

"I don't think a bad change is coming Finn." Rae soothed, "It's probably just the usual ups and downs." She kissed him, "We'll be fine. We'll always be fine."

_'Breaking the Girl' by Red Hot Chilli Peppers_

Rae always enjoyed it when he scooted down the bed and laid in her arms like this, his head somehow finding a spot in her chest, his had cupping her breast, probably to keep it in a position that allowed him to breathe… They had eaten breakfast, Finn again taking care of Aiesha while Karim and Linda ate, and had immediately come back up to bed, stripping off to lay together naked until they had Kester after lunch. Then it was off to Lincoln after dinner. They had made love several times over the course of the night, barely sleeping and instead clinging to each other as if this were the last night they'd ever spend together.

"I hate that I don't get to spend tonight with you." Rae's voice was sad and also a little pouty. Finn smiled fondly at that pouty tone. He didn't need to look up to know exactly what her face looked like right now.

"Me too." He did look up at her and saw that bottom lip of hers jutting out ever so slightly. It was impossible not to kiss her when she looked like that.

"I'm serious." She said in between his kisses as he crawled back up the bed, his lips barely leaving hers.

"So am I." He stopped and looked her in the eye. "We don't spend nights apart unless something really bad has happened." He stroked her hair.

"Maybe that's why you thought something bad were coming?" Rae couldn't take her eyes off his.

"Something bad is coming." It was his turn to pout now, "No you in the bed next to me." She kissed him, "One o' the things that makes me happiest in this world, Rae, is waking up next to you."

"Maybe I shouldn't go." She lowered her eyes.

"Don't be daft." Finn said instantly, "You're gonna go, and you're gonna win." She made a soft noise of rebuttal but he kissed her before she had chance to speak.

They made love. Again. Finn was exhausted and he was fairly certain that he was coming dry. The last time that had happened was in Sutherland. He would orgasm, but he was certain he wasn't ejaculating; there was nothing left in his balls to ejaculate right now because they'd been having so much sex. Rae noticed, but neither of them said anything, she could tell he was coming from his voice and sounds, she had come to the same conclusion as Finn as to why he was having dry orgasms. But after fifteen days without sex, and the possibility of the next week being sexless, they weren't slowing down just yet.

They were late to Kester.

"Your plant needs watering." Rae said softly and Kester looked at it, as if he were surprised it was there.

"Of course." He muttered and grabbed a glass of water for it.

"That plant's gonna die." Rae told Finn and he nodded his head grimly. Kester returned and sat back in his chair.

"How are you both? Any new post traumatic syndrome symptoms?" They both shook their heads and he nodded, "So you're both…?"

"Really good." Finn answered, Rae nodding beside him, and Kester smiled happily.

"What's been going so well?" He asked them and Finn looked to Rae.

"I think we've been communicating better and better."

"Still room for improvement." Finn said and Rae nodded.

"Aye, but we're still doing real good." Rae continued, "And we been talking about the idea of selfless love."

"And what does that mean to both of you?" Kester asked interestedly.

"Well for me," Finn said, "It came like some lightning flash that I were making everything about me and how I felt." Finn lit up a cigarette and Kester frowned slightly because he had quit and smelling the smoke made him want to light up. But let it slide, getting out the ashtray for Finn and putting it on the table beside him. "I suddenly realised that really I'd do anything for her to be happy. And then my happiness seemed to come second to that."

"But," Kester said delicately, "Don't you think your happiness should be equally as important?"

"I s'pose." Finn shrugged, "but I been worrying a lot about me own happiness for a while. Rae can have her time in the sun for a bit afore I get it all even in me own head." Kester nodded thoughtfully and turned to Rae.

"Similar sort o' thing." Rae said, grinning at Finn. "We've just gotten to this point where, I think, we really understand each other," Rae continued, "and we really want the other person to be happy, no matter what."

"Even at your own expense?" Kester asked and both of them nodded. "This is a tricky thing." Kester said slowly, "Because loving fearlessly, and without ego, can be very freeing. But I would still caution both of you to keep your own interests on the radar."

"Well it's a work in progress." Finn shrugged; "We're still building our relationship. I just think we're both actually real happy with how it's going for once!" He chuckled.

"So there's nothing happening at the moment?" Kester asked, "No pressures… no difficulties…?"

"Didn't say that." Rae answered grimly, "There's still a lot going on."

"But you're both coping with it better?" Kester asked and they both nodded, "Do you think you still need to come to couples therapy then?" He watched both of their faces fall, fear hitting both of them and they turned to look at each other. "Both of you tell me the thing that you believe is affecting your relationship the most right now." Kester said gently, "you first Rae." Rae looked at his expectant face and knew she had to answer honestly even if she didn't want to.

"Kenzie." Rae said softly.

"Why d'you say that?" Finn asked worried.

"She's putting a lot o' pressure us Finn." Rae answered delicately. Kester had already talked about Kenzie in Finn's last session, but this was the first time Rae was mentioning her.

"Ok." Kester answered, "You don't need to explain your answer just yet." He turned to Finn, "And you?" Finn thought about it for a minute; school, Phillip, even Elsa to a certain degree, Rae's family, but even he had to admit it.

"Me mum." He said slowly, sadly, "It's been… a difficult week."

"So you both seem to be on the same page." Kester noted.

"There's a lot o' things that're putting pressure on." Finn said, "But trying to fix an eight year old wound is…"

"Draining." Kester said astutely and Finn looked at him surprised.

"Aye." He sounded as if he hadn't thought of that and Rae looked over to him sympathetically.

"I wanna let you both sit with this for a few minutes. We'll talk about something else and come back to it alright?" He licked his lips as he watched Finn slouching down in his chair, the weight of the pressure of his mother seeming to bare down on him. Rae was fidgeting more than she had in a few weeks. "Let's talk about baseless fears." He pressed on, "particularly a fear that you know is perhaps foolish, but that you can't seem to let go of anyway. Finn, what is a daft, baseless fear you have about your relationship with Rae?" Finn looked over at Rae and she lowered her eyes; she knew he'd mention Phillip and that this session was about to get a whole lot more frustrating. She couldn't fix the problem with Phillip until he said something to her. They had both agreed to try and salvage the friendship her and Phil had, so the only option she felt she had was to await this dinner and the declaration of love. She felt her stomach knot and bit her bottom lip in worry.

"I'm worried she'll get bored o' me." She looked up to see a sad smile on his face, "You're a lot smarter than me girl. No matter how many times you say otherwise, the evidence does not agree with you." He shrugged, "I know we talk well now. And we got music… but I struggle to keep up with you sometimes."

"I already told you Finn, there's heaps o' stuff you know about that I don't." She tried to soothe him.

"I know." He tried to chuckle, "I know it's daft. But it won't go away."

"We never hold onto things unless they serve a purpose." Kester said softly, "There are two thoughts here, one is that Rae will get bored of you, and the second one is that you're not smart." Kester tugged at his ear and leaned forward, "So what purpose do these thoughts serve Finn?" Finn thought about this for some time, Rae tried to not stare at him as he thought.

"I guess if I always worry Rae's gonna leave me it makes me never stop trying to keep her." He shrugged as if he wasn't sure with that answer, "And… I dunno what purpose it serves to think I'm dumb…"

"It's safe." Kester answered and Finn looked up at him confused. "It stops you from trying things that might be challenging or that you might fail at. You can never be a failure if you never try."

"Yeah but being dumb is crap." Finn disagreed.

"Better dumb than failing at something you wish you could do. Not only then do you feel dumb, but you feel like a failure, you feel loss for not being able to do whatever it is you wish you could do. You feel ashamed for being incapable…" Kester fixed his eyes on Finn, "dumb seems pretty good right now." Finn took all of this in slowly, "But there's no way to feel any of that when you fail at something. Every great success has countless failures preceding it Finn; to never fail is to never try."

"I am scared of failing." Finn admitted.

"Hm." Kester replied, "So you're too dumb to try." Finn raised his eyes, "Good survival tactic." Kester said, "At some point when you were a child you must have been filled with a sense of failure and shame so complete you never wanted to feel it again, so your clever brain made a way to always avoid that. But this survival tactic no longer serves you Finn."

"I thought it were my fault me mum left." Finn acknowledged and Kester nodded; they had discussed this in detail already, but Finn was clearly still struggling with it. "I thought I'd failed me dad. I thought I were a bad son that's why she left. I felt so ashamed."

"Shame is a very hard feeling to overcome. So it stands to reason you would be scared of Rae leaving."

"But I know she won't." He said firmly.

"And yet, you have this daft fear." Kester finished gently. "We should talk about it in our private sessions." Kester said and Finn nodded thoughtfully. Kester hoped that by talking about daft fears, he would unlock all the pressures Kenzie was placing on them; it was probable that everyone involved was filled with assumptions, misconceptions, expectations, fear, guilt, shame… Talking about daft fears was a good way to get them thinking about this complex web of emotions so that they could better address the issues surrounding Kenzie.

"And you Rae?" He watched her lower her eyes and take a deep breath.

"I…" She looked back up at Kester, as if she didn't want to think what she was thinking. Kester realised that her daft fear was big and worried that perhaps it wasn't appropriate to mention it as a precursor for dealing with the Kenzie issue. He tried to think of a way to steer her to a smaller topic. "I'm worried Finn had feelings for Elsa." Rae blurted out before he had chance to think of something. Kester turned his eyes to Finn, but Finn was looking shocked at Rae.

"Why would you think that?" He asked, but his shock was not the right kind of shock. It wasn't 'I would never,' it was 'how did you know?' Kester closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, hoping that Rae hadn't caught that.

"You do don't you?" She asked, the surprised hurt obvious.

"Rae!" Finn returned defensively.

"How did you know she don't fuck students?" Rae asked suddenly accusatory, "How did you find that out?" She stood up, suddenly realising she was on to something, "And the way you talk to her, all friendly like."

"She talks to everyone friendly Rae, she's just friendly like that." Finn tried to stay calm.

"The way you talk about her!" Rae almost yelled. "Are you in love with her?"

"No!" Finn stood up too now and Kester raised his hands to try and encourage them to both sit down. "No Rae, I'm in love with you."

"How did you know that she don't fuck students Finn?" Rae demanded. Finn opened his mouth to reply, but knew he couldn't lie again. It was sooner than he wanted it, but he had to tell her. Rae saw the hesitation and a look of utter devastation came over her face. "Oh my god." She whispered and turned away from him, tears biting at her eyes.

"Rae…" Finn said softly. "Please…" There was a moment of silence and Finn looked down trying to gather his thoughts into some coherent way of communicating with her. Kester got up and went to Rae as she walked to the window, tears streaming down her face now.

"When did it happen?" He hated the way her voice cracked with pain.

"Nothing happened Rae."

"We both know that's not true." Rae shook her head, refusing to look at him.

"Rae…"

"WHEN?" She ordered angrily.

"When we broke up." Finn closed his eyes and sunk back into his chair. He heard a quiet sob from Rae and heard Kester gently speaking to her. He supposed he should wait for Kester to finish whatever he was saying, but he couldn't. "Rae… we broke up… I were a mess." He said, "I went to her house… cos we'd talked before… about how I needed to learn how to handle your world. Elsa says I went there cos even in the midst of self-destruction, part o' me had some self-preservation. Cos I could've just as easily gone to Chloe and I knew she'd say yes… but that on some level I knew Elsa would say no."

"Chloe." Rae nodded her head slowly, "Yeah you could've fucked me best mate. You could fuck any girl." She shrugged angrily as if it didn't matter to her. "So why Elsa?"

"Cos I knew she'd say no."

"Oh right." Rae said not believing him. "Why her?" Rae knew he was attracted to her; everyone knew about her sexual reputation.

"I went there cos…"

"She were gonna be a better fuck than me?" Rae spat angrily.

"No Rae!" Finn answered heartbroken at how much this had hurt her. "I went to Elsa cos…" But he couldn't think of a real or good reason. He had just wanted to. She was more interesting than Chloe and he had needed something; he had needed to feel that odd mixture of numbness and being wanted that could put not being with Rae out of his mind for a few minutes. He had needed to fuck and Elsa had a reputation, and yes, he had been curious about her. "Cos I needed to…"

"Have another Olivia?" Rae asked thickly and Finn felt almost as if he had been hit.

"I guess." He whispered, accepting her accusation.

"But Elsa don't fuck students." Rae sniffed.

"No." Finn replied, "She doesn't." There was a short silence.

"Did you put the hole in her wall cos she wouldn't fuck you?" Rae asked bitterly.

"No… that was all about you."

"Oh well that's comforting." Rae snarked. Finn wished she would turn to him, he wished he could see her. "What happened?"

"Are you sure you want to know this?" Kester asked her gently.

"Shut the fuck up Kester." Rae said softly, "Tell me what happened." He saw her holding herself, could see the side of her face, covered with tears.

"I kissed her." Finn said, "She told me to sleep it off." Finn looked down at his hands and realised he had been pulling at his cuticles again, there were several places bleeding on his fingers. "That's 100% it." He said firmly.

"So the only reason you haven't fucked my teacher, a woman I admire and aspire to be like… is cos she turned you down…" Rae nodded slowly, taking that in painfully.

"I don't think I could've gone through with it." Finn said slowly. She turned to him angrily.

"Don't give me that bullshit!" She cried angrily. "She is perfect… she's fucking perfect Finn! She's everything I wish I was! She' beautiful and sexy and intelligent… and so sensual. I'll never be like her." Rae sniffed hard, her voice choking with tears and pain. "I don't believe for a second that you wouldn't have gone through with it. I can trust her more than you!"

"You're right that she's beautiful and sexy and all that…" Finn said and saw how bad it hurt her to hear him say that, "But… But she's not you. And I don't think I could've gone through with it really." He stood up again, wanting to hold her, "It were hard enough doing it with Olivia… but with Elsa…. I'd known you." Finn willed her to understand, "I'd been with you… I knew what you felt like… no one will ever be you." Finn said, "No matter how attractive they are. Elsa is… stunning." Finn admitted, "But I don't think I could've gone through with it, even if she had been bag up for it. Her body just wouldn't have felt right." He had been thinking about this since Elsa had said he wouldn't be able to go through with it, and he understood why Elsa was right; he'd never be any good with anyone but Rae, not in any way. "We were built for each other Rae." He pleaded, "No one else will ever feel right to me. I'll never be nothing without you." He hated how silent she was, just staring at him, tears falling down her cheeks in a constant flow. "I used to do stupid stuff like Olivia… Elsa was…" He thought of the way Elsa had described it, "The last dying breath of the stupid little boy in me." He took a step closer to her and she took one back, sending a stab of pain through his chest.

"So every time we fight, you're gonna go fuck some girl." Rae didn't even look at him, her eyes were off to the side.

"Every time we fight now girl, I run after you. You've seen that." Rae turned from him and looked out the window, her emotions a screaming cacophony in her chest, her mind unable to stay still on any one thought for long enough to handle any of this.

"If it were really nothing why didn't you tell me?"

"Cos I didn't wanna burden you with it." Finn said, "I figured cos it happened when we was apart that…" He took a deep breath, "That it didn't matter as much." Rae again nodded, taking that in.

"And you have feelings for her."

"I suppose yes." Finn said with a slight grimace. "She's helped me understand a lot about myself Rae. About how to be a good man for you… How could I not care about her? Without her I wouldn't o' thought to ring Kester and start these sessions. I wouldn't o' been brave enough to come after you again… we wouldn't be together. I would've run off to Leeds permanently."

"Do you wish I were more like Elsa?" She asked and Finn considered this. At one time he had wished that Rae had had Elsa's confidence. But now he never thought about it; Rae was perfect as she was. He had enjoyed watching her confidence grow with him, the way she had grown had been the most miraculous experience for him.

"No." He said honestly, and he meant it.

"I need to go." Rae said slowly and walked towards the door quite quickly.

"Rae please… you're my world." Finn grabbed her hand as she walked past. Rae paused.

"I would've thought by now Finn, that you'd realise that I need time alone with things like this." He looked at her drawn face, her eye red and swollen, downcast, he chin trembling with misery.

"I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you… I wish I-"

"Finn." She said firmly, taking her hand from his, "I need to go, before I do or say something I regret. Alright?"

"Alright." He stepped back from her to let her get to the door. "See you Wednesday yeah?" He felt his body aching to hold her to heal her. He'd do anything to undo that pain on her face.

"Aye." She answered, looking at him momentarily before heading to the door.

"Rae, I love-"

"Don't." She shook her head. "I don't wanna hear it right now. I don't want it associated with this." She opened the door and was gone. Finn collapsed back into his chair and put his hands over his face.

"It's good for her to have time alone." Kester said gently as he closed the door.

"Why do I fuck everything up all the time Kester?"

"In fairness, this is an old fuck up coming back to bit you on the arse." Kester grabbed an unopened packet of cigarettes from his drawer. "So let's talk about this." Finn nodded slowly. "Did you tell Rae the truth?"

"More or less." Finn said, "I may have slammed Elsa into the door and grabbed her tits as well as kissed her… but you know… same outcome. She shut it down." Finn lit a cigarette and shook his head in annoyance at himself.

"And you honestly feel like you wouldn't have gone through with it?"

"I'm 90% sure I wouldn't of gone through with it back then."

"And if it happened now?"

"It wouldn't happen now." He shrugged, "There's no urge in me now to go chasing after a fuck. I just wanna chase after Rae."

"You gotta give her time." Kester said grimly.

"Aye." Finn agreed sadly.

_'Milk' by Garbage_

_Dear Diary_

_It's been too long since I wrote to you. _

_Maybe that's a sign. When I don't write so much to you, everything is bound to fall apart. _

_How could it all have been so perfect, and now…? _

_Now I don't know what to think._

_I don't know what to feel._

_Can someone be so perfect for you that you're just not allowed to be happy with them? _

_I can't imagine anyone else's fingers slipping between mine and feeling so right. _

_When we sleep next to each other it feels like we was meant to be. How he can just find every right place to put his hand, his head, his feet; like a jigsaw puzzle._

_We fit._

_But he has this part of him that I can't…_

_Can't what?_

_Deal with?_

_Handle?_

_Compete with?_

_I know I have difficult sides to me. Dark impulses… self-destructive urges. _

_I can still feel that vinegary pool of self-hatred inside of me. I know it's always there._

_And even since I've been with Finn, there have been moments when I looked at my scars and wanted to see a new, slender, red line etched into my flesh. There have been moments when I looked at the closet filled with food and… something needed silencing in me, a never-ending hunger, an ache… But I didn't do it. I didn't eat more than I needed to. I didn't cut myself. I didn't burn myself… I didn't hurt myself…_

_And I can't tell you why I didn't…_

_And that scares me. Cos how do I make sure I never do it again?_

_How does he?_

_Cos the urge… the urge to just self-annihilate in tiny painful incremental steps…_

_That's still there. It always will be._

_And so will his urges always be. Always._

_Always he will have the thought that maybe it would help to… numb himself this way. _

_Pain is part of life. And I know that when I want it to end, I have things that I do… that I try not to do now._

_But what makes me manage to not do it?_

_What makes him not do it again? _

_Can I trust this invisible thing that stops me from hurting myself will never fail?_

_Can he trust it?_

_Cos diary as we speak my knife is lying on the bed beside me for the first time in over 9 months. _

_Maybe the self-destructive urges never leave us because even in self-destruction we find a beautiful way to cope with things that are too painful. _

_So he numbs himself like I do… but he does it in the warm flesh of another human. It's a hunger isn't it? To fill that hole within, to feel something other than what you feel. _

_I suppose fucking Olivia… almost Elsa… I suppose it's his way of dealing with that never-ending ache. That hunger to have the impossible. _

_But what's impossible for Finn Nelson?_

_He's so perfect that a woman as beautiful as Olivia happily fucked him a few hours after meeting him… and I know in my heart diary… and in my mind… that in the right circumstances Elsa would fuck him too._

_So what does it mean?_

_He can have whatever he wants._

_There's no hunger that he can't satisfy._

_And there will always be painful things, and no guarantee that he won't return to a numb fuck… just as my fingers keep twitching to hold my knife. _

_What does it mean?_

_What does it mean for us?_

_Can I handle the possibility that he'll do it again?_

_Do I believe that it was 'the last dying breath of his inner stupid kid?'_

_Can I ever properly trust him?_

_Part of me wishes I'd never loved him. _

_Part of me wishes I'd never met him._

_And now I have to go to school, and get on a minivan, and head to Lincoln with the woman he tried to fuck when we broke up._

_Elsa. So perfect…_

_Everything about her is everything I want to be._

_I understand why he'd go for her. Why he has feelings for her. Why he's attracted to her._

_I still don't understand why he has feelings for me. Why he's attracted to me. Why he went for me._

_Maybe I just wanted him so much that I thought it could work and I've been fooling myself all this time._

_Because I don't see how it works._

_I see that we just fit somehow. But I need to understand how. Because what if it all begins to fall apart and I don't know how we fit together in the first place – how can I put us back together then?_

_I don't understand any of this. And yet, I seem to have some sort of clarity. I see that we are alike. _

_And can I trust myself to never let him down? Whatever I answer to that, is my answer, isn't it?_

_Cos we're alike in so many ways. If I can't trust me to never do it again… I can't trust him to never do it again._

_I need to put my knife away. I need to not do this to myself._

_But what if I can't put it away?_

_Can I handle what it means to have slipped again?_

_Could I handle it if he slips?_

_Can I forgive myself for all I've done to me?_

_Can I forgive him?_

_'Come to My Window' by Melissa Etheridge_

Phil put his hands in his pocket and walked to school in the dying sunlight. He mentally went over his lines, feeling pretty confident that he remembered them. His mind was completely focused on the drama competition; he wanted to win, and with Rae as his acting partner he felt quite certain they were in with a good chance. He shifted the weight of his back pack and sped up; he was running a bit late because his father had refused to let him go, citing the missed days at school as unacceptable. His mother had taken his side. After his marks last year she felt sure he was doing fine, and was starting to really warm to the idea of her son being a famous actor.

In the end he had left the house without his father's permission, his parents still arguing. He knew his mother would smooth it all over and he'd be allowed back in the house on Wednesday. He saw the minivan parked out front of the school up ahead. Rae already sitting inside, her eyes ahead, her countenance perfectly still. He felt a sense of moroseness about her and worried that she was upset about something. Maybe Finn had mentioned the dinner thing.

His stomach did a somersault and he stopped in his tracks.

What if Finn had mentioned the dinner to her?

Then she was expecting him to tell her how he felt. Sure Finn was going to say that Phil had some important things to talk about to try and make it less awkward, but they all knew what it was about.

Phil made himself take another step forward. Everything was going to change after this.

He watched her as he walked slowly towards the minivan, not moving, it was so unlike her.

And then Finn pulled up on a motorbike behind the minivan. Phillip stopped and watched him get off the bike slowly.

Rae heard a tap on the window and looked to see Finn on the other side. He put his hand on the window, his eyes filled with so much grief that she felt a hard rock of pain stick in her throat. She stared at him for a moment before slowly putting her fingers up to touch the places his touched on the other side of the glass. He smiled sadly and the corner of her mouth twitched upwards slightly, her eyebrows drawn in sorrow. He mouthed three words to her;

_I love you_

She nodded slowly, her eyes lingering on him for a moment more before she let her hand drop, and looked away. Finn let his hand drop too and took a step back from the minivan. He had so hoped she would tell him that she loved him before she was gone for three nights.

Phillip walked up to stand beside Finn as he watched the side of her face. Phil saw that Rae was looking at Elsa moodily, while Elsa talked to the minivan driver.

"Why don't you just get in the minivan and say goodbye?" Phil asked, but it was obvious they had had an argument. Finn shook his head sadly. Phil had never seen him like this and he almost felt bad for him.

"She don't want me to." The acceptance in his voice was clear and Phil admired the way Finn knew her so well, and gave her what she wanted, even though it was clearly killing him. He heard Finn take a deep, determined breath. "Tuesday night." Finn said softly and Phil knew what he was talking about instantly. "I were gonna ring you at the hotel after your performance, so awkwardness or whatever didn't fuck it up." He never took his eyes from the side of Rae's face, sitting in the minivan, unable to hear them, but so close. "But I know you'll keep your nerve and give her every chance to win. I know I can trust you to not let her down."

"Yeah." Phil said softly, the weight of this situation sitting uneasily in his stomach.

"And then, after you win. Cos I know you two will win this drama thing." Finn said with a small smile, his eyes still on Rae, "take her to celebrate for dinner. And tell her how you feel." Finn turned his eyes to Phil, "You couldn't have asked for better timing." Finn turned his eyes back to Rae.

"Did you two fight?" Phil asked, genuinely concerned.

"Fight?" Finn shook his head, "nah, we don't really fight anymore." He said with a wry smile, "this thing here, with her not looking at me… this is her deciding if she can still trust me after I fucked up, Phil."

"Oh…" Phil looked at Finn closely. But Finn's eyes were glued to Rae, his emotions so clear on his face. He smiled grimly and turned his eyes back to Phil.

"And not a small fuck up, Phil, you understand?" Phil looked back to Rae's face, his emotions twisting painfully in his stomach.

"Maybe this isn't the best timing then?" Phil suggested tentatively, "I don't wanna take advantage of her…"

"Rubbish Phil." Finn's grin turned cynical, "Never been better timing. For you." He turned his eyes back to Rae, "She's not a mindless child."

"Yeah, but if she's emotional…"

"She's stronger than you think." Finn said, "And if I'm right about you," Finn turned his eyes to Phil, "You're a far more decent man than you think you are." He again turned his eyes to Rae, "You wanna know how she really feels about you? Now is the best chance you ever had." Finn took another deep breath, "She'll be fine with whatever you throw at Phil, so do your best." Phil thought about it for a while.

"Alright." He said softly, not sure how he felt about this.

"And do me a favour?" Finn asked, "Take her mind off my fuck up yeah?" His fingers went back up to the window, but Rae didn't turn to him, "If she's thinking about me for the next few days, she won't win… so… make sure she don't think about me."

"Alright." Phil repeated.

"Cheers." Finn sighed, "Now fuck off." Phillip nodded and thought about everything.

"Good luck with getting her to trust you again." He said softly and Finn looked up at him.

"Thanks." He said with a small smile, "Good luck with your dinner, I guess."

"You don't mean it, but thanks." Phil said.

"Neither do you." They shared a small smile and Phil turned and got on the minivan, just as Josh finally showed up. The engine roared to life as Phil dropped into the seat next to Rae, Finn outside, still touching the window. The minivan started to move and Rae suddenly turned to him as if she couldn't stop herself, her hand going to where his was again.

_I love you too._

_Arsehole_

She mouthed the words and he nodded with a sad smile. And she was gone. He watched the minivan until it was out of view.

It didn't take that long to get to Lincoln, but as soon as they did they checked into their hotel, keen to get to their rooms; everyone feeling strangely exhausted.

They stood in the hallway outside of three rooms in a row. Elsa handed a key to Phil, the other went to Candace.

"Right kiddies." Elsa said seriously, "I'm sleeping in the room between you, boys that way." She pointed to the left, "Girls that way." She pointed to the right. "We all know what kids get up to on these things." Elsa said, "None of us are idiots. But to be perfectly honest I don't care what you do tonight unless you wake me up." She saw the surprise on the kids' faces and shrugged, "Do it quietly. Only wake me up if you need adult supervision. Be smart kids, don't be dicks. I got your backs, so don't make me have to be an authority figure right?" They all nodded seriously, none of them intending to need an authority figure tonight, "And remember you have a competition tomorrow that you should all wanna win. So make sure you get enough sleep, right?"

"I wanna win it." Sam said and they all agreed.

"Good, then I don't have to worry about you being dicks. You'll be responsible young adults." Elsa nodded for them to go into their rooms and both groups did, the three boys in one room and the three girls in the other. Elsa went into her room and closed the door, hoping that trusting them would result in a quiet night, but not 100% believing it would.

Rae, Izzy and Candace looked at the three single beds and each picked theirs, putting their bags on the bedside tables beside the beds and chatting easily.

They put the tv on and laughed at the stupid game show that was on. Rae felt herself easing into the situation. Her mind returned often to Finn; she didn't know if she could trust him anymore, even though she did love him. Her emotions were a mess, but she was going to focus on this drama competition and see what happened on Wednesday when he got here. There was nothing else she could do. It didn't matter how any times she went over it in her head, she wasn't moving forward, the hurt was still too raw, and sitting behind Elsa in the minivan had not helped.

It hadn't even been an hour when they heard a gentle rapping sound at the door. But the girls had been expecting it so they weren't worried. Rae's bed was closest to the door so she got up to get it.

Phil was standing there, leaning on the door frame, Sam and Josh standing behind him. His eyes dropped to her lips and then slowly came back up to her eyes.

"Fancy some company?"


End file.
